It is with trepidation that I share this, but I’m really at kind of at a loss, even for whom to ask…so going with the zeitgeist, I’ll ask a bunch of strangers on the internet.
I keep finding my underwear and bras stuffed into a corner behind my six year old son’s bed. At first I was just perplexed. I’m not the best housekeeper in the world, plus we also have a two year old and things just end up in strange places, but finally I cottoned on that this was a recurring pattern.
I have also found pantyhose, a dress and a pair of shoes, but it’s mostly underpants, and I must say, my sexiest underpants, revealing a discriminating taste. :eek:
So I asked to him about it in as neutral a way as I could. He seemed embarrassed but admitted that he took them. I asked him if he put them on and he said they were really comfortable. :eek:
I told him we don’t take other people’s clothes and please don’t take my clothes anymore. He said Ok, but it has continued.
It squicks me out, but my gut feeling is this is just normal emerging sexuality. I don’t want him to feel bad about it, but I’d like him to leave me out of it to the extent possible.
Should I just buy him his own girls underwear with hearts on it and a set of satin pajamas?
Any guys out there who took their mom’s underwear? Any chance you are normal well adjusted guys?
Yes, and then put your things someplace inaccessible. Buy something that locks if necessary. His wanting to play dress up, or even if it turns out he’s trans, is fine, but taking other peoples’ things to do it isn’t.
I don’t want you to feel like no one is answering you… I have an 8 year old son. He doesn’t do this. He does steal Victoria’s Secret catalogs and such from the mail, though.
Are you familiar with Eddie Izzard, the comedian? He is a straight transvestite (he makes it very clear he prefers women - calls himself a lesbian trapped in a man’s body) and a lot of his material covers his youth and his experiences. If you don’t already know his stuff, it might be worth listening to, and you can see if there are any similarities between what he used to do as a child and your son’s behavior… that’s all I’ve got.
I’d be more concerned over the fact that he’s stealing from you than what he’s stealing. Whether or not he likes satin would strike me as a lesser concern.
When my little brother was about your son’s age, he used to have this blanket that had a satin fringe. He’d play with the fringe because he liked the way it felt in his hands. Not because of his emerging sexuality or because he was going to turn out trans. I think both those thoughts are jumping the gun. He’s six. IMHO, he just likes the way they feel. Buy him some silk boxers and a blanket with satin trim.
I’d vote for trying that, too. I had a son who went through a silky phase. I made him a satin robe, slightly too big for him. He didn’t sleep in it, so it didn’t have to be washed often. He could carry it around if he wanted, or sleep with it outside of his blankets, but in reach. It was silvery-grey, so it didn’t look particularly girly, but it was really shiny.
Scrounging for something silky to touch stopped. Which was nice, because he had snaked things out to the back seat of the car.
Another vote for texture issues, rather than gender issues. May I suggest buying a couple of men’s silk aloha shirts (available at Ross and T.J. Maxx pretty affordably this time of year) for your son to wear as “nightshirts” and for cartoon-watching lounging purposes. When my daughter was six years old, she went through a “silky” phase and she liked silk better than satin. One of my five year old boys is now enjoying her old aloha shirts, as hand-me-downs.
I vote for taking him shopping and letting him pick out a few items of his own, from whichever department (girls, boys, whatever). I’d talk about taking other people’s stuff. I’d completely ignore the “issue” of whether this is a texture fascination or budding cross-dressing thing. Mostly because he’s your kid and you love him, no matter what, so what difference does it make if it’s a hint of his sexuality or just a texture phase?
Besides, you never know. Maybe if he had some silky boxers or something, he’d be perfectly happy with that. Maybe he likes G-strings.
Love the google ads at the bottom of this thread.
If you do go shopping, don’t forget the Chinese stores. They’ve got silk robes and garments too, for low prices. You could even buy him a very manly silk Chinese clothes for men. Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee will have nothing on him!
I am a huge Eddie Izzard fan. I rush also to say that by “normal well adjusted guy” I include straight, gay, transsexual and transvestite possibilities.
Maybe one day he be a hugely successful, highly paid comedian!
Six is very young for it to be a sex thing. But I agree that you should keep your stuff out of his reach, if only because 6 is old enough for him to have memories of this later, when he will likely be very very embarrassed that he liked his mom’s underwear!
He could just be discovering the difference between boys and girls, and wondering why girls have different underwear. Is his dad around? Does he seem curious about “boy” things too?
My son likes to have his hair styled with product and powder on his face, and lip balm because he sees me doing it. It’s all just a form of dress up and pretend, and role playing, I think. I think your son hides it because he is old enough to know underwear is private, but he doesn’t yet realize what it signifies.
I agree that you could let him choose some of his own underwear that he likes and tell him to leave yours alone.
I agree with this. I think this should be your first step before getting all squicked out about him stealing your undies. Or maybe he just wants the scent of Mom close to him? I know I love the scent of my loved ones. Well maybe not the shoes.
I just have to say this. Wanting to wear women’s underwear is all fine and well, but you’re proposing sniffing your mom’s panties is the less-squicky alternative?
I’m sorry to be the lone dissenter, but I have three boys, including one with a love of silk, and none of them have ever even thought of taking my bras, panties, dresses, pantyhose, and/or shoes and putting them on. On the other hand, I have heard quite a few cross-dressers say that they started at a very young age, with their mom’s clothes. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Just sayin’.
How did they develop said love for silk? That’s why I suggested getting non-gender specific stuff that has a nice texture (granted, boxers are more boyish than girlish, but they’re still just undies). What I’m trying to say is that if they had silk shirts, for example, to play with, they wouldn’t have a need to raid your panties drawer.
Don’t get me wrong, if somebody wants to cross dress, more power to them. But, IMHO, a parent shouldn’t actively encourage it in a prepubescent child. All I’m saying is to give the boy some options so he has an outlet for his love of silk that doesn’t involve his mom’s undies.
[spoiler]
It wasn’t explicitly mentioned, but I was operation on the assumption that they were clean. :eek: [/spoiler]
That doesn’t explain the bras and the shoes. I’m with Alice the Goon – I wouldn’t immediately rule out gender issues, even in a kid that young. And FWIW, I don’t think borrowing your mom’s (or sister’s, or brother’s) clothes counts as stealing.
Meh. Boys are weird. I suggest taking him shopping as has been mentioned and let him pick out some things – with no judgements – that he wants, with the understanding and agreement that he will not snitch your things again. It could be gender issues, it could be texture, hell, it could just be that he’s a boy and boys are weird – whatever it is, the bigger issue you make, the more likely he is (IMO) to continue trying to sneak. I had a nephew who loved to sneak his mother’s makeup and bras and play dress-up at that age. He turned 18 last year, shows no signs of homosexuality, and that phase only lasted a few months.
When my son was 6, we found where he had drawn a bunch of pictures of naked women. Rather detailed pictures. We talked to him. I asked him if he liked looking at naked women and he grinned and said yes. I explained that I like looking at naked women, too and so does his dad, it’s ok, but just remember not to do it at school, as it’s not something you do in public. He understood and it wasn’t too long after that that he figured out he could see (patially) naked women on album covers, victoria’s secret catalogs and other fairly common things – and he stopped drawing his pictures. I guess my point is that kids don’t know what’s normal and what isn’t normal – sometimes they’re curious, and if we think the worst (oh noes, my son is gay/a perv/sniffing my panties/whatever) then we’re not going to have a normal, rational conversation with them and they won’t grok. Take him shopping. Tell him “hey, look, I know you’re still taking my things, and that bothers me because I don’t want anyone else using them, they’re very personal. Today, we’re going to buy you things so you won’t take mine.” Well, that’s how I would handle it, anyway…
