Can we get back to totally non-creepy hypotheticals?
“Damn it,” thought Kyra as she opened the fridge. “I forgot to get yogurt.” She’d been craving yogurt for days, ever since she’d seen that missed call from Britney. Years ago they’d had an ill-advised sexual romp, spending the whole weekend in bed. Britney had playfully spooned yogurt into her mouth and the phone call brought the vivid memory screaming back, making her hungry and more than a little horny.
She grabbed her keys and headed for the door, calling out over her shoulder, “I’m going to the grocery store.” Tawny, lying on the bed reading some trashy magazine and wearing a thin nightie, called back suggestively, “I hope you get something to put in my mouth later.”
As Kyra entered the supermarket, she made a beeline for the dairy aisle, trying to avoid eye contact with Charles, the checker who lived in their building and always cornered her in the elevator, trying to make conversation and holding eye contact for a little too long. She sized up the selection at the yogurt aisle and found Dannon to be a better price per oz, but the expiration date Knudsen yogurt was a little further out. Fruit on the bottom, though. She imagined herself stirring it while Tawny’s pouty lips waited patiently. Hmmm.
She made her selection and headed straight to self-checkout, but then had trouble with the card reader. Charles came over and helped, grabbing her with his sweaty hand and guiding hers gently to insert the card in the slot. It took several swipes and was incredibly awkward, but finally she had completed her purchase and could get out of there, back home to the waiting Tawny.
Key lime yogurt, of course. Those hypotheticals are actually hard to read. From the one or two that I skimmed over I feel like they are the clues in one of those logic puzzle magazines. Hmm, I wonder what the market is for pervy logic puzzle?
When she was younger, the smart, hot brilliant Kyra’s “funny” uncle used to make her sit on his knee for horsey rides while she ate yogurt, and he’d film her and put the footage up on GobbleMyYogurt.com. While out shopping for her drop-dead gorgeous lesbian partner Tiffany, who was sold by her father to white slavers when she was 13, which flavour should Kyra get? Those who say “apricot” will incur my wrath and I shall be forced to release the flying monkeys, all of whom were buggered by their elderly male relatives.
And why do we think Skald is actively posting in other forums, but has pointedly avoided this thread (he posted in it when it was first started about something else back in 2012, but nothing since it was revived), as well as any other posts that address this? Because he knows he can’t defend himself. There’s no rationalizations or excuses, despite the dogged attempts of some posters to do both.
And to Skald, since I know he’s reading this: Go fuck yourself, Skald. If you really are legally blind, it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.
Most people are familiar with the language rules yet you knowingly ignore them. Why should others be bound by similar restrictions when those calling for the new restrictions feel that the current rules don’t apply to them?
You put the drunky in Smurf. He was trying to be amusing. He isn’t the biggest troll in this embarrassment. The mods are far from the stupidest. Back to the 1800s style of prudishness we go!
Jesus, I go away for Memorial weekend, and everybody goes ape shit.
I think it would be easier to go back through the last two pages and highlight the posts that aren’t breaking some rule or another, so rather than go back and write up a dozen or so mod notes, I’m closing the thread with some general reminders:
Don’t say “fuck you” to other posters.
If you have a problem with what someone’s doing on another board, go complain about it there. Don’t bring that shit here.
Complaints about the moderation go in ATMB, not the Pit.
If you see someone break a rule, report it. Don’t junior mod.