Hyundai? My God, man. You spend 6 months at a time on one of the most powerful pieces of transportation ever devised by man and when you return home you drive a Hyundai? Like Coldy said, I’m surprised the rodent lost this battle.
[Homer-Simpson-Addressing-Fat-Tony Mode]
Oh Chief. I will say good day to you.
[/Homer]
Given your past comments to me…I’m not entirely sure I buy the “squirrel-suicide” defense. “Hmmmmmmmm,” she said hmmmmingly.
Think of it as evolution in action. In another 1000 years or so, squirrels will have evolved to the point where they’ll look left and right before crossing the street.
Back in Dayton Oh, we had an acronym for this…
PSD
Poor Squirrel Descision.
OK, OK…
Lay off the Hyundai. It runs and it’s paid for.
I explained everything to my son. His response?
“That was a dumb squirrel, wasn’t it Daddy?”
Yup. Dumb and dead.
Yuck.
<snicker>
Looks like you’ve got yourself a very smart kid there, Chief. Well done.
I had something similar happen once. My truck doesn’t get used that often. During one particularly long hiatus a squirrel must have observed that that space between the radiator and the engine is warm dry and a perfect place to build a home ('79 Chevy, you could hide a human being there.)
When I turned the engine over, Mr. Squirrel was homeless. Debris flew everywhere.
Fortunately there were no remains in the engine, so I feel that Mr. Squirrel was not in residence at the time. At least I’m no murderer like some others in this thread I could mention. 
I do hope Mr. Squirrel had homeowner’s coverage though.
I want my momma… murderers scare me…
besides… my belly hurts like hell… too much laughin…
loons
I am SO glad I wasn’t drinking anything when I read that! Not so much the OP, but some of the responses!
Chiefy, welcome back, with a bang! Or is it a thump?
Take heart; all squirrels are suicidal at center. I used to sit on my front lawn and watch the squirrels play with the traffic. Literaly. Two of them would sit on the curb, watch a car come, and then run across the street at the last minute. If they survived, they’d do it again. Go figure.
Out here we have whistle pigs (Thompsons’ ground squirrels)who display the same regrettable tendencies. Shortly after we got here, my wife and I were driving and saw three of them by the side of the road, circled around a fallen comrade. “Oh look” my wife said in a sad voice; Their mother got run over, and they’re mourning". To which I replied, “No hon; it’s lunchtime”.
She didn’t realize that they’re cannibalistic, to the point were it’s common to see several squished in the same spot, as they were too greedy to get out of the way in time.
Chief, it’s not your fault. They found a note…
“I’ve had it! Blue jays pester me, and at night owls haunt me! Dogs chase me, and cats lay in wait for me. I can’t sing, I’ve got mange, and my nuts are rotting! I can’t take it anymore! Goodbye cruel world!”
-signed-
Skippy
Don’t let suicidal squirrels bum you out.
Says Rysdad
Has anyone else heard from Satan lately?
I think we are overlooking a potentially serious matter here.
This squirrel was obviously an Iraqi goon sent to lure ChiefScott into the open. If he had actually stayed and faced the music for a second longer it would have been all over but the crying.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you ran Chief. You made an executive decision based on the imminent threat. You may not have realized this at the time but your finely honed instincts just saved you from being rolled by the Iraqi Republican Squirrels.
I spoke again with my son last night.
He wants a gerbil. Just so long as he doesn’t name it Skippy…
I don’t know whether to be thankful or not that my twisted, sick sense of humor hasn’t skipped a generation…
A friend of mine once described squirrels as rats with PR. I can’t argue the point.
As for the squirrel in engine… first of all, you can also fit a cat, they like to get warm in winter; second, they’re WAY messier than any squirrel.
And on another critter note, a coworker found a baby rabbit in the pool filter. She showed it to her kids, the waterlogged remains swirling in the ebbs and flows and told then : THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GO SWIMMING WITHOUT MOMMY! The woman is nothing if not efficient.
The same thing happened to me two years ago, including its crossing most of the way across the street, the indecisive hesitation when it saw me coming, and then the backwards kamikaze dart under the car wheels.
Except that it was a wild rabbit, just like the one that lives in my back yard and which I occasionally feed. It was the day after my birthday, and I hated myself for a week.
I guess, though, that I have to thank Deity-of-your-choice it didn’t happen in front of kids like it did with the Chief…I wouldn’t want kids and their parents staring resentment at me for “Thumper’s” demise. At least I managed to get away without witnesses.
They said I needed a signature file, so here it is.
Look here, Scott old bean, saying Skippy had a brain of lint is an insult to lint worldwide. I can explain just how dumb squirrels are, but alas, I have to insult my dog a little to do it…
I was taking my dog for her daily exhaust run about a year ago, when we both spotted a squirrel poised to run up a phone pole we were approaching. My dog is 13 but still loves chasing the little bastards. We approached stealthily and I let her off the leash (no, she will NOT run out into the street, she KNOWS better) and the hunt was over in a matter of moments, but not due to the swift and powerful pounce of my dog. The squirrel was frozen, standing on its hind legs, to the bottom of the (wooden) pole!! Him stiff like Al Gore’s face, keemosabe! Unfortunately, it took my dog about five minutes of sniffing and prodding to get the idea that the squirrel wasn’t going to lead a merry chase, so her brain wasn’t exactly winning awards, either. I have photos somewhere… 
Then again, there is also the story of the squirrel who bit through the insulation of the power line while standing on another, and fried itself to hang by the back claws in midair, right in front of the house next door to mine. The crows got take out that afternoon!! Ah, the advantages of alternating current! Got a poor picture of that one, couldn’t get close enough.
Too bad the school kids got taught all those fibs about how nice and friendly nature is, though. 
How did I miss this thread the first time around? What a gem.
I have to say I’m quite bitter that I didn’t get a chance to rattle off those oh-so-easy Hyundai jokes. Nevertheless, a great story.
:wally:
BTW
Iraqi Republican Squirrels - IRS? How creepy.
Is it flippant to be grateful that I now know the word for a squirrel’s movement?
Ga-lip!
I met the world’s dumbest bird once. I was backing up my car to park. I was going not even 5 mph. I figured this bird had plenty of time to move out of the way. Wrong. I drove off the next day and saw a splattered bird.
I’ve had a long, tiring day, and when I read that at first, I read “Skirmie” and “Skippy” the same way.
That scared the be-FUCKIN’-jeezus out of me. Good thing I read it again.