Skyline: New Science Fiction Movie

New movie, “Skyline” trailer. It looks interesting - anybody heard any buzz on this? I have a few misgivings, though, when I saw the two young guys with guns in the trailer - please, God, don’t let them turn this into another “Armageddon” - a sci fi movie that started off all science-fictiony and then turned into an incredibly stupid shoot 'em up flick.

There sure was a lot of talking about Stephen Hawking in that trailer. In fact, the whole trailer was based on something Prof. Hawking had said.

Dan Rather (really?): Stephen Hawking, who’s super duper smart, says aliens could come to Earth and that would suck.


Aliens come and things start to suck, both literally and figuratively.

President: If only we had listened to Stephen Hawking, suuuper genious, we could have done something about THE PEOPLE SUCKING SPACESHIPS THE SIZE OF MOUNTAINS!

General: We have a crack team of Navy Seals ready to attack the ships. These are the best of the best. For decades they have fought the most dangerous enemies in the most inhospitable terrain imaginable.

President: No, we need someone who’s an expert in sucking. Bring me the guy who looks like and acts like Bruce Willis but isn’t Bruce Willis.

Bruce Willis playing some guy who’s name you’ll instantly forget: Me and my crew of vacuum cleaner repairmen can save the world but in exchange we don’t want to pay taxes, ever.

President: Deal!

Training montage

The team is ready to fight the aliens and Bruce Willis has forgiven Ben Affleck for fucking his daughter, but they still need some weapon to fight the aliens.

Stephen Hawking played by Jeff Goldblum: We need some kind of weapon that can hurt the aliens. If only I didn’t have this flu virus I could think straight. Wait a minute. That’s the answer, nuclear weapons!

Bruce Willis and his crew (Ben Affleck, Steve Buscemi, a black guy,a fat guy, a kooky Russian, twin robots that are black stereotypes) board the alien mothership and nuke the hell out of it. After the mothership is down, humanity nukes the rest of the spaceships.

Steve, or was it John? Sigh. Bruce Willis: Yippee ki-yay motherfu- (PG-13. Hear the whole phrase in the R rated dvd coming this christmas)

Lots of explosion. Stephen Hawking wins the Nobel prize in kicking ass.
End credits.

Anyways, could be good.

It’s a deal! When can you have 100 pages ready?

I’d buy the DVD.

With a name like that I’m hoping for a three way.

Dammit! I didn’t want it Armageddonized! :mad:

(I’d totally go see Michael Bay: Explosions!)

Skyline is apparently directed by Colin and Greg Strause, the brothers who made Alien vs. Predator: Requiem. AvP:R was mind-numbingly awful. Terrible acting, horrible writing, and just an incredibly boring movie–especially unforgivable considering that it has, well, aliens and predators in it. The first *AvP *movie (directed by Paul W.S. Anderson) was bad, but it’s a work of genius compared to AvP:R.

I am not hopeful for Skyline.

Oh, that’s not good.

Stephen Hawking warned about sending signals into space to attract aliens, not about preparing the Earth for some inevitable invasion.

Good ideas in there. It needs a soundtrack, though. I recommend this.

Ok, you’re hired too. Uosdwis R. Dewoh does the script, you do the music… I think I’ll start calling up stupid people with money so we can get to filming this. I see an Oscar in our future.

{Starts sobbing.}

Aww, Honey, don’t cry. We’re working on the inevitable knock off. This movie might be, well, not good, but maybe semi-watchable.

I think most of my sobbing is the way Hollywood Armageddonizes every science fiction movie it touches.

It needs at least one A-list actress with a big rack. Ya think Jolie or Alba?

Why not both?

So we can pay them millions of dollars and not get any tits for the R-rated DVD. What are you, stupid?

We’ll hire two playmates and have them make out topless in a jacuzzi with a big explosion in the background. With the money we save we’ll hire some up and coming (cheap) actress with a nice rack to be Bruce Willis’ daughter.

*[sub]If playmates are unaffordable, Penthouse pets. If that’s too expensive, shudder, Bang Bros rejects.[/sub]

Pfffft. CGI.

And after a manufactured public outcry over the sheer depravity of the scene we cut it from the movie, and put it on the Director’s Cut DVD?

Ye ol’ Brockian Ultra-Cricket trick.

Oh well. Maybe Monsters will be good.