Slang Insult: "Carpenter's Dream"

OK, this was applied to a woman.

“Carpenter’s Dream”.

The woman was angry afterwards.


Enlighten me. What does it mean?

Flat as a board? Easy to nail/screw? No idea…just guessing here.

A comment on her butt joints? A nice fine grain all over her surface?

Carpenter’s dream

One says “easy to nail” the other says “never been screwed.”

So which is it?

Both, according to my childhood.


When I was a kid I heard it as ‘flat as a board, skinny as a nail, and never been screwed’.

Then there’s the pirate’s dream: Sunken chest.

I don’t think this is the sort of thing that has only one answer. It depends on the situation.

I never heard the easy to nail part, just the flat as a board.

I only ever heard “flat as a board.”

“Easy to nail” and “never been screwed” are rather contradictory. I have suspicion that these and “skinny as a nail” may have been tacked on (heh!) along the way.

Never heard the “screwed” definition. Around these parts it always meant “Flat as a board and easy to nail.”

“Never been screwed” seems stranger and stranger the more I contemplate it. Seems like “easy to nail” contributes more to the concept of a carpenter’s dream no matter which way you look at it.

As an old guy, I’ll posit that the original was only “flat as a board” which I can attest from about 1962. I never heard the additions.

I first came across this term on a Weekend Update segment on Saturday Night Live, I think Norm or David Spade era, and I remember it being defined “flat as a board and easy to nail”.

Same here.

I always thought it had to do with “getting wood.”

In 1962, and for many, many years later, I never heard the phrase “getting wood” to mean an erection. I’m gonna guess, wildly, that this is a product of the 1980-today generation.

Flat as a board and easy to screw.

At least, that was it in my neighborhood…

On a related note, we used to say she is a painter’s dream: Not too bright and easy to spread.

Sgt Schwartz

Same here. I first heard it in the late '70s or early '80s. At that time, I don’t think I had ever heard “nail” used in the context of sex, but “screw” was well-established by that time.