Slate Contest: Write Like Sarah Palin (very brief article describing contest)

My entry:

As I masticated the Tex-Mex short stack on my final morning in New Mexico, I could taste not only the velvety melted margarine and viscous syrup, but also the sweat of hard-working, regular-Joe Americans that artfully baked my spicy chorizo-pancake desayuno.

I admit it’s not very good, but I chuckled when writing it.

“Masticate” and “viscous” prove you are a liberal and “chorizo” and “desayuno” prove you’re also probably an illegal alien.

"As the hummer turned the corner, I was stricken by the sight of rows of American flags on crisp, well-manicured lawns, and gazing on those peerless facades, I had to exclaim to Todd, “Thank the Dear Lord for Dallas!”

“Those people up there in Washington don’t know what we Americans need to put food on our table and to get the jobs you need are being shipped overseas and I just think this is the best country on Earth and we can’t let the terrorists win.”

Sorry, in order to write like Sarah Palin, I’d have to read her writing, and that’s not a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

“In the exodus from my beloved state of Alaska, I mournfully left my home state, billowing as the Alaskan forget-me-not in the cruel cold, vowing to bring my fiery brand of conservatism cultivated in these wild mountains and plains to the rest of America!”

“Lie, lie…half truth…lie. Lie, I lied? Lie lie lie lie. You betcha!”

And, “How dare they fact check my work?”

This is so impressive it could lead to suspicions that Sitnam is just SP’s Doper name.

We don’t know anything about the way Sarah Palin writes. Her book was written by Lynn Vincent.

I’ve ghostwritten many things and I now absolutely refuse to do so (unless you want to pay me a lot of money: I’d do Palin for Palin money). It’s totally thankless. Even if you’re just as much of a whacko.

I may just be a small town Alaskan gal but just like you and me we both know that you can go right up to any person workin hard every single day in America, this great nation of ours where our troops are makin such great sacrifices overseas fightin for our freedoms and protectin us from the terrorists who just want to kill and injure innocent people, and that just makes me so darn mad when I think of these liberals tryin to socialize our healthcare!

Will the winners be shot for crimes against the English language?

Maverick maverick maverick. Maverick. Maverick maverick maverick maverick! Going rogue, maverick, going rogue, maverick. Maverick? maverick. Maverick maverick maverick. Maverick maverick MAVERICK maverick. Maverick. Rogue. Maverick.


Lemme tell ya, I’ve never seen so much darn crazy, crazy stuff about winking in my life about the Debates, about which, as I like to say, the proof really IS in the pudding, as to the matter of taste in winkin’, blinkin’, and by golly, noddin’, literally, and if that’s what it takes for me to be just like every single patriotic American who supports our troops to be the Maverick that will make sure we remain the great country we are, and the great people of the USA, then by golly, that really, simply, is just who I am here to give it to ya!

“I didn’t always choose the easy road, didn’t do what those glib liberal people do when they confront a choice that is difficult, like a real American does when times are tough, and you have put to put your head down and plow ahead.”