Cool story bro.
I learned several life lessons from the good Dr. in that post. Unlike some mouthbreathers I know.
Just yesterday, someone on another board was talking about a parenting board she posts on, and she’d seen posts from mothers who were saying things like, “I think my 3-year-old has oppositional defiant disorder. I asked him nicely 3 times to pick up his toys, and when he didn’t, I had to hit him.” :rolleyes:
ODD is simply a term for “crappy parents”.
When my older child (14) was little, he received a spanking now and then. Nothing big, no bare-ass beatings but he took a couple swats. He never had a problem as he grew older about hitting people or any of that. We transitioned out of the method as he grew older and his ability to understand warnings and consequences grew.
My little one now (almost 3) hasn’t been spanked because his mother doesn’t want to use that method. Personally there’s been a few times where it probably would have done him some good but I respect that we’re doing the alternate means.
Personally, I think most of the “I’d never do that because…” stuff is overblown but I’m not especially worried if someone doesn’t want to do it. It’s one of those topics where one person is talking about a light swat and the other person is talking about beating the shit out of the kid and it’s rarely fruitful to have a conversation about it.
We’re going through a rough time with my 1.5 yr old and screaming. When he screams, we give him a little “pop” on the lips. Never enough force to actually hurt, but it startles him, and the screaming stops. 1 or 2 “pops” and the screaming episode is over. For other discipline, we’ve already started using time outs.
Pour water on them (thanks to Bill Burr.)
Spanking is a very viable means of discipline. It should be the last resort and it should be expressed as a direct result of the child’s actions.
You should smack your kids at least once a week. If you don’t know what for, THEY DO!
Actually my wife and I never smacked any of our kids. We found waving the gun around to be more effective.
I was spanked as a kid and would spank any hypothetical kids of my own.
Speak roughly to your little boy
And beat him when he sneezes.
He only does it to annoy
Because he knows it teases.
I’ve swatted my kids on the hand once or twice but never spanked them except playfully. They’re good kids.
I do give my 8 year old the occasionally noogie to the head just to keep him on his toes.
Tweezers and a strong grip, and you can take fingernails out. And they grow back.
I got smacked a couple of times as a child and it probably should have been more. I grew up just fine. I smacked my own kids, probably more than I should have. They’ve grown up just fine. They’re normal, well-adjusted adults with kids of their own, holding decent jobs and being responsible citizens. The knee-jerk reaction to someone swatting a kid’s butt amuses me.
Ca3799 answered for me pretty much. You should be able to out think 'em when they’re small. And when they’re emancipated they’re better off using “thinking through and solving the problem” as opposed to “Maybe you can just beat up whatever is troubling you.”
For teenagers I’m finding the best teacher is life itself. Go ahead and warn them they’re about to step off a cliff, let them if they insist, do not mitigate the consequences for them but show them how to work the band-aids, give them help when they ask for it. And talk to them about life, the universe, and everything from time to time.
I don’t think the occasional smack is bad, per se. But I’m not certain it’s as useful as other stuff.
YMMV, but here is my experience. Our first child was very well-behaved and we smacked her just once. She was so astonished to receive pain from her parents that she just dissolved in tears and we were so abashed that we never did it again. Our second was somewhat wild and we smacked him a lot. It didn’t have any positive effect that I could see. I might mention that this was in an era (late 1960s) that spanking was perfectly normal and expected as discipline. Despite popular belief to the contrary, Dr. Spock didn’t advocate no spanking. He did suggest as one possibility.
But getting back to our second, my wife and I had a discussion that spanking seemed to have no effect. So we stopped, on a dime. The effect was dramatic and nearly sudden. His behavior improved remarkably. Our third was never spanked, not once and was always well behaved, a lot like his sister.
Now they are all grown, with children of their own. A total of six. Not one of the six has ever been spanked and they all seem remarkably well-behaved.
That doesn’t mean there is no discipline. My older son, with 4 kids, runs a tight ship. The main disciplinary method is the time out. And this usually works. Loss of privileges is a more drastic measure. And even that is limited to privileges that are not so draconian that they will be waived, but rather limited to minor things that they will enforce. My other two children, with one kid each, also do not spank, but banish to their rooms for a limited period (which was our method incidentally).
This is just one person’s experience and with kids that were, in retrospect, extremely easy to raise. As I said, YMMV.
My kids don’t always behave perfectly, nor do I expect them to. They are human.
They are very clear on what my expectations for their behaviour are, and are aware that if they are unwilling to respect those expectations, there are consequences.
Those consequences NEVER involve striking them. I would never assume that they are so simple-minded that they can’t grasp the hypocrisy of “mummy tells me not to hit people, but she hits me!”
I was spanked and hit in many ways when I was a child. I remember feeling fearful, defenseless and most of all, embarrassed. I don’t ever want my children to feel that way. Just because I am bigger than them does not give me the right to dominate them physically.
My kids are told “No hitting”, and I don’t see any reason why I’m excepted from that rule.
I was spanked and belted on the ass as a kid and I know it never changed my behavior in any positive sense.
My oldest is three and 99% of misbehavior is due to being hungry or tired. We skip “smacking” and time-outs at my house and treat the cause, not the symptom.
I do. Authorities are often exempted from some of the rules, especially where punishment is concerned. I can’t legally incarcerate someone, the state can. I can’t levy fines or judgements, government authorities can. Parents do have disciplinary authority over their children. I’m not putting this forth as an argument for parental corporate punishment, per se, but I have never bought that logic as an argument against. (Not picking on you August, yours was just the closest post to quote!)
My personal stance is that the answer varies by child. What is effective for one may or may not be effective for another, even among siblings. My son ocasionally got a bare handed swat on the fully clothed behind as a child, because that was effective where other methods were not. My daughters responded to other measures, like time out. Heck, even a dissproving stare would be enough most of the time to correct one of my girls.
I’m an advocate of keeping all the tools in the tool box, because no one tool works best for every job.
Usually this board is very enlightened, being all dedicated to fighting ignorance and all that, so I am shocked to see a significant percentage of people condoning hitting kids.
Even in the possible circumstance that a spanking or hitting does work, there are other, better methods that can be used.
I cannot fathom hitting somebody who is completely defenseless, under any circumstance. At best it is lazy parenting, IMHO. At worst is it sadistic.
Ahhh, another vise grip aficionado.