At my Saturday job, I either greet customers as they walk through the door or if they turn away from me I greet them when they come to pay. Unfortunately there are some cases where both happens and they do a double take and give me a :dubious: . Most of the time though I just pretend that I am in fact mad and didn’t notice. Of course that doesn’t work when the boss walks in and out and I say “Good morning” about 5 times. :smack:
I had a friend that could always silence a classroom whenever he was about to come out with a swear word. He never got in trouble thankfully, a good laugh when he showed he could do it purposefully.
I also do mistaken greeting but much less now that I realise no-one actually wants to speak to me. Also giving the wrong answer is one of my worst attributes. For some reason, and especially around cute girls, I just zone out. And then comes that pause where I’m meant to say something and all that comes out is “huuuuh??” :smack: :smack:
Once I was in drugstore with my husband. I went down the feminine hygiene isle to get some maxi pads. “I’m not gonna get those always maxi pads anymore, they didn’t work that great and they gave me a rash”. Then I realised it wasn’t my husband behind me. :o He had wandered off, probably as soon as he saw me go down that isle.
I’ve found that the smoothest way out of the THE TANGO is to adopt a look of terror and stumble backwards while making flailing warding-off gestures with my arms and yelling “Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh!!”
It could be that I’m using a different definition of “smooth” than everyone else.
Being a modern girl, I prefer courtesies of door holding and letting someone pass to be gender-unspecific. I also prefer to let other people to move ahead of me in a crowded bunch or to walk behind (I get a little paranoid when someone’s right behind me, plus I walk slow). This inevitably leads me to some uncomfortable moments, such as when I am reaching a turnstile the same time as someone else, and I stop and the person stops and we each make the “go ahead” gesture. If it’s a man, usually he will say “ladies first” and then I have to flatly refuse which of course makes me ungracious.
It happens a lot with traffic too. In an effort not to get squished, I usually use crosswalks and I always cross at the light. If I’m waiting to cross in the middle of the road (my street’s one way and usually dead), and I see a car coming, I don’t cross. Then the person in the car, in some apparently gallant gesture, stops and waves me on. Usually I’m too stubborn to cross at that point, because I wasn’t going anyway and the big ol’ car has the right of way so we sit there for a few seconds in a battle of wills.
I hate the NO, YOU FIRST. I’d rather just be ignored.
When meeting someone my brain does not connect until about several seconds into the conversation. That does not include the part where they say, “Hi my name is Schlomo.” I never remember someones name the first time I hear it. Never. There must be a syndrome or something.
This has got to be the worst. I think I almost made a lady cry once when I worked retail. She had a baby in a stroller (I’m guessing a year old) with her, and while I was measuring the fabric she was buying, we were chatting. I asked when she was due. Silence. I look up into a stony face. She then offers “Well, I guess I can see where you got that. This shirt might be able to pass as maternity wear.”
I have never asked another woman when she was due unless she told me herself she was pregnant!
I once did the horribly-ignorant-stereotyped-thing in which I complimented an Asian guy on his English, and he responded that he grew up in New Jersey.
This was particularly embarassing for me as I grew up in California, and half of my class from K-12 was always Asian-American.
In my defense, he was a good friend of two exchange students from Taiwan who did not speak particularly good English, and I’d somehow gotten myself convinced that he was also from Taiwan.
So, while I’ve done most of these horrible things (except, of course, the pregnancy one, that’s gotta be one of the worst), I also find myself doing this more and more. Brace yourself, for the horror of the…
Too-Loud Insult!
You know you’ve done it. You’re talking to some dipshit, maybe its your boss, or your sister, and they say something that really gets your blood boiling. “Dumb Bastard,” you say while exhaling. There, that feels a little bit better. But then, it happens:
“What did you say?” asks your boss. Now you’re in it deep. So, I always try a quick “Fun Lasting?” and run! Anyone?
You know when you’re walking in a crowd and you’re following pretty much right behind somebody, and it’s okay because that’s how dense the crowd is, and sometimes it’s time to leave the building and there’s a revolving door, and since you’re not really paying attention to what’s going on you follow the lady right in front of you into the same section of the revolving door, rather than letting her have her own private space, so she has to turn around and see if she’s going to have to use pepper spray on you in an enclosed space?
I hate that. And there’s no backing out, either, once that door starts rotating…
You’re walking down the hallway at work and see someone approaching from the other direction. She’s looking at you and you’re looking at her. Do you nod? Do you say hello? Do you just ignore her and do the walk-on-by? At what distance do you acknowledge her presence? Twenty feet? Ten? Five?
I think I’ll just start giving people the two handed ‘shooter’ sign at thirty feet out and leave it at that. That won’t be awkward at all, right?
So my SIL and I are at the mall trading NYC jokes, and I tell her the stupid one about the guy who is visiting for the first time and goes up to a stranger and says “I’m a tourist. Will you tell me where the Empire State Building is, or should I just go f*ck myself?” I get on down escalator and hear SIL say “Or what?” I turn around, repeat punchline, and then realize I AM TALKING TO A LITTLE OLD LADY I HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE IN MY LIFE, who has gotton on the escalator between SIL & myself."
I snap my head around, cover my mouth to stop laughing, and proceed to give out a loud snort.
You’re walking down the cubical aisle. The aisle is barely wide enough for one person. You’re going to be turning left in just a few seconds. There’s somebody coming from the other direction who’s going to get to the intersection at the same time you do. You’ve made eye contact but not said anything. Do you:
(a) maintain course and speed, and stop just as the other person gets to the intersection, so they think you want to talk to them, stop, then stare at you in confusion as you turn left and walk away?
(b) maintain course and speed, and don’t stop just as they get there, cutting right across their path?
When a stranger starts a conversation with you for some reason or you start it with them in a public place like lets say a metro and then you’re done talking but neither of you can leave and you have to act like strangers again and avoid eye contact and its just icky.
You needn’t worry about saying stuff like that; everyone says it - it’s an idiom, almost.
I actually find it a bit irritating when someone tries to be funny & says something like, “Well, have a nice walk - or a nice roll, as it were!”. Dude. I realize that you’re trying to be sensitive & I appreciate it, but please - don’t try so hard.
I have a nagging fear that this will slip out sometime.
Ivylad calls me at work, and after we’re done talking, we hang up with an “I love you,” “I love you too.”
One of these days I’m going to be talking to someone in our New York office about a new client, discussing the flight dates and the length of the commercials, and I’m going to close out with an “I love you.”
You know the deal; someone’s blocking something you need to get to, be bit a doorway, the office fridge, etc. You approach the situation (usually from behind- this always happens if you’re out of their field of vision), and utter a polite “excuse me.”
Except it came out too soft, or they’re lost in conversation with someone else, or they’re on the phone, and they didn’t hear you. At this point, you try again, upping the volume of your “excuse me” - except this time it comes out way too loud and forceful, and it sounds like you’re royally pissed and psychotic! Even worse, it’s the first time they’ve heard it, so they think you’re nuts!
