Small, over-bred dogs. And their idiot owners

I’m a dog lover (I’ve been adopting mutts for years now) but there are some breeds out there that, either b/c they have been so overbred or b/c they attract all the damn wacko’s to them, I just cannot handle. Here are my top five:

1)Bulldogs: I work at the University of Georgia and our mascot is an English bulldog. This has to be one of the most moronic animals I have ever seen. I mean, I’m watching the football game and when they inevitably pan the cameras to Uga (see, that stands for U.G.A.: isn’t that clever?), he always looks like he’s concentrating really hard. On peeing. Or sitting. Or staring vacantly at a shrub. I mean, I’ve NEVER seen this ugly-ass (shit, the damn thing looks like it was repeatedly accelerated face-first into a brick wall) do ANYTHING except eat, shit, and die. The damn things can barely breath or walk either. But the people that own them have similar problems so I guess I shouldn’t complain.

2)Pugs: Ok, picture this: take one of those ‘Gray’ aliens made popular by the X-Files and the ‘Communion’ books, strangle it until it’s eyes bug out and spray paint it a wierd off-white color. That’s what a pug looks like. In addition to being one of the most disturbingly bizarre critters to ever walk Gods green earth, they tend to attract freakoid ladies who have such a huge maternal instinct that they actually feel compelled to baby these little mutants. This makes them one of the most co-dependant species ever to exist. I went over to a friend’s sister’s house once and she had a pug. The damn thing never stopped glomming on me until I tried to pet it, where-upon it raced off yipping and hid behind a freakin’ chair. It wasn’t a dog: it was a leech with little stubby legs.

3)Chihuahau’s (you knew this one was going to show up): In addition to having even freakier faces than a pug (imagine a small, hairless cross between a rat, a bat and a frog and you’ll have a good idea of how these little bastards look), their little peanut brains apparently get stuck in the ‘Bark’ mode upon birth and they never shut up until killed. My neighbor’s dog has been yipping for 2 years now essentially non-stop, so I know. So I asked her one afternoon (while gritting my teeth at the constant supersonic yipping coming from the mutant hiding behind her) why she bought the dog. ‘For protection,’ she says, dead serious. Yea, right. #1: How would you know if a robber was breaking into your house b/c the damn thing barks CONSTANTLY. Hell, for all I know it’ll shut up for once if someone robs her place–maybe she actually does know what she’s doing. #2: Said robber is in your apartment; what, precisely, is the little rat dog going to do now? Savage him with it’s rice-grain sized teeth? Glower at him with those googley eyes? Hurl it’s gargantuan 2 ounce frame against him in a suicidal attack? Realistically, all it’s going to do is piss him off and make him MORE likely to kill you.

4)Bichon Frise’s: Yea, the same one that asshole hurled into traffic in LA. These things look like poodles, but they’re far, far worse. If you look at their beady little eyes, you will see nothing but a blind rage. That’s b/c that’s the only thing that their peanut-sized brains can fit in them is rage; not affection, not self-preservation, not even eating. Just an unreasoning rage against everything. I once worked for a guy as a hired-man on his farm and his wife had one of these things: I swear to God the damn thing tried to eat and snarl at the same time every morning even though it almost choked multiple times. We called it Obie for ‘owl bait’ but unfortunately it never got taken.

5)Pekingese: To be perfectly honest I’ve never been around one of these long-haired freaks so I can’t speak for their temperment. But, what the hell ARE they? They look like mobile piles of hair or tribble’s or something. What do they do? Do you sleep on them? Do you throw them? Do you hang them on the wall as part of some weirdo post-modern art exhibit? What? They don’t look like they’re capable of anything other than breeding and they’d probably need divine intervention to even do that.

The worst thing about this whole situation is the fact that all these breeds (well, maybe not) MIGHT actually be worth a damn if they weren’t owned by utter boneheads. I mean MARRYING your dogs, fer chrissake, or taking it to a pet psychologist? You folks gotta be nuts! Say what you want, but I guaran-fucking-tee you that you’ll never see a mutt-lover dyeing their pets pink and light blue so they can get ‘married’ (actually saw this on the Discovery Channel). So, that screwy Wabbit says: ‘Get a life folks, and stop treating these genetic freaks as your surrogate children.’

Thank you for your time.

Hey- not bad!

I invite you to approach Scylla to see about an apprenticeship…

Ah, pugs are cute.
Just glad you didn’t put Westies or Yorkies down. I have a Westie I adore, and I’m NOT a dog lover at all. But I love my dog.

And yorkies are the toughest little buggers-as I keep saying, my gramma had one who used to kill rats. They may be the tiniest little things-Jennifer, my grandmother’s dog could fit in a coffee cup as a puppie (literally) and was the runt of the litter, but she was the coolest dog.

That was so funny. I just watched the westminster Dog Show the other day so I’m pituring the dogs you are talking about. Can you do a commentary on a Shih-Tzu? That’s what I have. I totally agree with you on the Pug, mind you.

Yea, watching the Westminster Dog (using the term loosely) Show is what brought that rant on. Never been around a Shih-Tzu so I can’t comment but I am saying that name over and over right now and chortling up a storm. Good enough for ya? :wink:

Guin: Re: Westies. I love 'em but only because they’re insane in a really lovable way. A co-worker had one and I used to love getting him wound up by staring at a rock, the wall, etc. etc. and shaking slightly. He would start barking wildly at whatever I was staring at and try to attack it. Needless to say, we got along great! How can you not love something like that? Word to the wise though–keep him in a yard or something. Said dog got killed chasing a car which apparently is pretty common with that breed.

Anyway, glad y’all liked it!

Wabbit, what are your thoughts on Scottish Terriers?

Mine is named Katie Fiona,she is cool, althogh a trifle stupid.

::waits patiently for pugluvr to load up on napalm::

As much as I detest most toy dogs, it’s not so much for their size as the Napoleanic mentality that so many of them possess from birth. Recently, someone I met got a Lhasa Apso (“lotsa asshoe” in my book) that has a splendid personality. Go figure. Chihuahuas are the ones that hack me off the most, but you really have to judge each animal on it’s own merits.

I prefer larger breeds due to their ability to pull their own weight (literally). I like knowing that a burglar will be missing 79¢ of hamburger from his left cheek after a visit to my house.

Anyway, Wabbit, the Bichon-whipped-under-the-wheels-like crime happened here in Silicon Valley, not L.A. as you mention. I still believe that you are off-base saying that an animal deserves to be cast to its death because it might be yapping at someone during a traffic stop. I understand how annoying yappers and anklebiters are, but I think that this is more of a case of you being overexposed to your neighbor’s nitwit rat-in-a-dog-suit (or was that dog-in-a-rat-suit?). Constantly barking animals of any size are a blight upon this green earth.

I fucking hate Boston Terriers. The fuckers are worse than a sugar-high kindergartener in Power Rangers Pajamas who lost his ritalin.

I love dogs. I love almost all kinds of dogs. I have huge problems with idiot dog owners who shouldn’t be allowed any other pets than stick insects. A dog is a dog, and if they’re stupid, they’re almost always victims of an idiot owner.
But I have never met a Pomeranian that wasn’t a yappy, annoying little idiot dog. I hate them. If I had a big snake, I’d snatch Pomeranians and feed them to the snake. Honestly.
Before anyone starts saying, “Oh my Pomeranian is not a yappy, annoying little idiot dog” let me say this: Good for you. You are the happy owner of the exception to the rule.

Dammit! That was my 200th post and I blew it on a fucking Pomeranian! Now I hate the little fuckers even more. They need to die! Die, I tell you, die!!

Now THAT is damned funny. By the way, watch it with the “ugly dog” cracks. I have a Shar-pei (the cutest dog in the world, IMHO). Many people say “He’s so ugly, he’s cute!” to which I usually reply “So are your kids!”

:slight_smile: :slight_smile:


Hey Zette,

Out here there’s a Shar-pei breeder whose place is named the “Wrinkle Wranch”. If people only knew why they have all those wrinkles they would be astounded at the stout-hearted and fearless dogs that they are.

Hey Zette,

Out here there’s a Shar-pei breeder whose place is named the “Wrinkle Wranch”. If people only knew why they have all those wrinkles they would be astounded at the stout-hearted and fearless dogs that they are.

Several folks here have mentioned the Westminster dog show, and in the OP Wabbit ranted on about the Bichon Frises. Did you know that one of them WON Best in Show?

Hey Zenster,
I’m confused. I know they used to be bred as fighting dogs. Do you mean, if people knew that they would be surprised 'cause they look so damned cute? I agree with that. Have a gander at the one on the front page of my crappy website:

He looks just like my first shar-pei pup. My current one is black, and gorgeous. Picture perfect, and a great temperment.


Whenever I see small dogs like the ones you described, I always think(sometimes out loud:D ) “mmmmm, snake food” :D:D

Whoa, dude! Chill out. They’re just dawrgs.

Zette, that’s a gorgeous Shar-Pei. It sounds like you’re saying that this one isn’t yours, though. Got any links to photos of your black one? Like you, when folks say something about how they don’t like my small dogs, I say “that’s okay – they don’t like you either.” (A lie, by the way; they love everyone.)

Yea, but that’s exactly my problem with pugs: they luv ya, but the way they express it is by leeching onto you and gazing fixedly at you with their bulging eyes. I swear, that damn dog stared at me for over an hour without blinking until I broke it’s concentration by trying to pet it. Very, very strange. I definitely think pugs are the aliens of the dog world. And am I to understand correctly that you have more than one of them?! Lord have mercy… I think we’re gonna have to nuke your house just to be on the safe side: no telling what those 2+ little basterds are up too… :wink:

Re: Scottish terriers/Shar-Pei’s. Never been around one but they look pretty cool. I tend to like terriers (never had a purebred, b/c as I stated above I like mutts) because they’re hyper little devils. Not too bright (which is why they get smacked by cars so often), but amusing non-the-less. Shar-Pei’s look cool, but I’m reading how they have been over-bred so much that they tend to have skin and eye problems. Got a real problem with people breeding looks into a dog without taking into account the health of the animal. Hopefully your’s is healthy though.

Re: The Westminster Dog (again, using the term loosely) Show lost what little credibility it had with me when I saw that beady-eyed little poofball they crowned as their ‘Best in Show’. Best what? Best argument for humanity not tampering with other species? I hate hate hate dog shows based on looks.

Yeah. I was so rooting for that dog! And he won. :slight_smile:

Now how can you say that about such a sweet, intelligent looking dog, Wabbit? I know, i’m asking to get flamed with this question, but i’ll risk it. Btw…do u have a gripe against small dogs?

:: Deep breaths, Wabbit, deep breaths::
Ok, for starters, you called it ‘sweet’. I hate that word. Dogs aren’t supposed to be ‘sweet’; they’re SUPPOSED to be smelly, bedraggled, ‘rough’ looking animals (at least the ones I was raised around were) not some hairball you spend hours dipping in peroxide and potpourri-smelling crap! I personally prefer my dogs ugly and smart (hell, I had a terrier-mix who looked like she had mange but she figured out how to open a screen door within a few days), not ‘sweet’ and poofy. But what the hell, if you want a sweet-n-poofy purebred, I won’t complain too loudly. At least you’re not one of those scary ‘cat people’! :wink:

Secondly, you think it looked smart and friendly. You were confusing the gleam of the florescents off of it’s beady black eyes for something it’s not. Don’t let all the puffy white foo-foo hair fool you, the only thing emanating from those cold, dead, shark-like eyeballs is unreasoning rage. You couldn’t feel it because you were safely miles away from it watching the whole shebang on TV. The judges sure felt it; did you see the fixed grins on their faces, the sheen of sweat beading their foreheads, the rictus of fear that froze their faces every time they had to touch that damn thing! Hell, the owner probably had to let it maul a busload of small, orphaned children just so it wouldn’t savage the first person that touched it!
Now, it WAS bigger than the bishon frise that I had contact with so maybe it was mellower, but I sincerely doubt it.

As far as small dogs, I don’t tend to dislike them so much as I do their owners. These are people that think Fluffy needs a pet psychologist (or, in an even more stunning display of stoopidity, a pet psychic) every time it doesn’t race around all day like a weasel on speed (hmm, how’s about taking the little freak to a VET instead?); these are people who dress Fluffy up in totally wacked-looking outfits to take a shit; these are people who obsess so much over their pets and buy/feed them so much useless crap that the average 3rd world citizen could live for years in relative comfort if said pet-owners would just donate that money to charities instead. I mean, I’m sure I’d be a spoiled, neurotic little pain in the ass if I was treated that way as a kid too! The only people worse than ‘small dog people’ are ‘cat people’ (i.e. someone with more than 2 cats). You want spooky, they take the cake.
But that’s a whole 'nother rant…