Smarmy songs that make you want to kick the singers (even though you wouldn't)

“Take a letter, Maria/
Address it to my wife/
Say I won’t be comin’ home…”

Damn you, whiterabbit, damn you to inanity forever! I’d almost forgotten that one.

This stuff is brain velcro.
Not that I’m bitter or anything.

You putzes.

Stomping off–humming,
Veb

whiterabbit that would be “Take A Letter, Maria”. I forget who wrote that horror, thankfully.
(And I see in preview I was beaten to the punch on naming that tune!)

I hated that song the first time I heard it. It’s dreadful. Right up there with “Havin’ My Baby”. What I never could understand was why HMB was number ONE for about six or possibly more weeks! It was HUGE!

Another smarmy nightmare would have to be, “Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree”, by Tony Orlando and Dawn. Now that song just drove me insane, and it, too, stayed number one for about half a year. Christ. The radio stations played it until I got to the point to where I had to listen to FM, for cryin’ out loud! :smiley:

Fenris **
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One more… I have **never,ever,ever **liked any version of the song “I Heard it Thru the Grapevine” many people have recorded that song but the version I hate the most is done by Creedence Clearwater Revival. :frowning: **
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thats…“Oooooooowhy Hoyyd it Twue Duh Grapeviiihe”, by CCR

I see none of you has been subjected to “A Song for my Son.”

http://www.new-wedding-traditions.com/song4son.htm

Not quite as bad as “Having My Baby,” but bad enough.

I actually like the version of “Take a Letter, Maria” done by the Pleasure Barons. It plays up all the weird ideas in song.

For smarmy, how about “Bobby’s Girl”?

And if I was Bobby’s girl,
If I was Bobby’s girl,
What a faithful, thankful girl I’d be.

Ack.

Anything by Faith Hill. Ick. Gack. Gag me with a shovel.

“Johnny Angel” by whoever did it is awful, too.

It’s called Cruisin’ performed by Gweneth Paltrow and Huey Louis.
Arden Ranger my sweet,
Chantilly Lace is a creepy song, and falls under the definition of “low sleazy taste or quality.”
Other smarmy songs include:

"Don’t stop believing" - Foreigner or Journey

"We Built This City on Rock and Roll" - Starship

As far as stuff currently getting airplay goes, I’d have to say Nelly Furtado’s “Like a Bird.”

I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly away
I don’t know where my soul is, I don’t know where my home is
(and baby all I need for you to know is)
I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly away

Actually, any song with that sentiment: “Sure, you love me, and I guess I love you too, but I’m just ever so free-spirited I will most likely up and leave you someday.”

And, for a classic selection, I give you “Freebird:”

If I stay here with you girl
Things just couldn’t be the same
'Cause I’m as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot change

The funny thing is, I’ve hated this particular theme practically forever, so I don’t think my hatred grew out of any personal experience. I interpret it as covering up commitment-phobia with a smarmy “I’m like the wind, baby” kind of thing. Yeah, whatever!

Described at the time by one of my buddies as: “This sounds like their Lawyer wrote it! Or their Tax Accountant!”

Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now from the same band, same time period (c. 1986)

Lee Greenwood’s Horrible Piece of By-the-numbers Commercial Pseudo-patriotic Schmalz. No, I won’t dignify it by using its alleged title, as it states a sentiment I do hold, but the song (and the rendering) just hit me wrong from the first instant I heard it…

Arden Ranger I’m with you on Seasons in the Sun. If it’s “hard to die” I’ll step in and expedite the process gladly…
jrd

I kinda like that song though it isn’t even 1/100th as good as it is reputed to be. The song is about the death of Duane Allman in a motocycle accident in 1971. It happened right when the band became famous. He’s leaving her because he’s dead.

Haj

[QUOTE*"Take a letter, Maria/

Damn you, whiterabbit, damn you to inanity forever! I’d almost forgotten that one.

You putzes.

Stomping off–humming,
Veb **[/QUOTE]

Did I just get called a PUTZ? On the SDMB? WHOA! I knew the song was bad but I didn’t know I’d get that reaction. :slight_smile:

How 'bout
I write the songs that make the whole world sing
I write the songs of love and special things. . .

Not to humble there, are you Barry?

How’s about “Angel of the Morning” by (I think) Maryanne Faithful? Makes me want to bitchslap the singer AND the writer!

Ditto on the Faith Hill crap. She’s tiresome.

“Johnny Angel” was sung by Shelley Fabares. You might remember her from the sit-com “Coach”, as Coach’s love interest. Of course, she was a teen angel when that song was a hit.

It is smarmy as all get-out, I agree.

Believe it or not, that’s one song he didn’t write.

I actually, um, like Angel of the Morning.

And my friends and I once made up a really silly, funny dance to Chantilly Lace-it’s a FUN song.

BTW, what about Butterfly Kisses? That’s pretty tacky.
Shelley Fabares also played the daughter on The Donna Reed Show.

John Michael Montgomery - The Little Girl

This is, without a doubt, the smarmiest, most self-righteous pile of steaming crap I’ve heard in a long time. Although, I’m not sure if the fact that I’ve heard so many people with bright eyes and a breathless voice tell me that it’s definitely, for sure, has to be, without a doubt based on a true story… of course I don’t have any proof, but it just has to be, it’s so ispirational, don’t you think?

gag.

“Sweet Home Alabama” – Yeah, I can understand being lectured by Neil Young is enough to make anyone grumpy, but this song’s like red meat to a Rottweiler in certain parts of the South. Reaffirms all your worst impressions about the region.

“In the Ghetto” – What was Elvis thinking?

This is shooting fish in the frozen-food section, but Neil Diamonds “I Am … I Said” with the immortal lines:

“I am,” I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair

(Or, to paraphrase Dave Barry, 'You could hear the chair saying, ‘Whoa, I hear that.’")

I can’t even stand the original version – I may hate it more than Don McLean himself. “Drove my Chevy to the Levy…” Ick.

And don’t forget:

MacArthur’s Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet cream icing flowing down
I don’t thing that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I’ll never have that recipe agaaaaiin!!

Anything by Styx is damn smarmy–“You’re my lady. . . of the mornin’!” God, that sucks. And what’s the other really bad one? Come Sail Away?

And the version of Angel of the morning that’s on the radio was recorded bu Juice Newton, but someone else recorded it originally. And, if I recall correctly, Olivia Newton John and Bonnie Tyler both have a version.