Per Dave Barry, the single smuggest, smarmy-est song ever is Five Man Electrical Band’s “Signs” (Signs, signs/everywhere a sign/takin’ up scenery/breaking my mind)
Mr. Barry the Gawd of Bad Songs and is correct.
But only marginally less smug is Peter, Paul and Mary’s “I Dig, Rock and Roll Music”. PP&M were well on their way to becoming fossils in the mid-to-late 60s, and as evidenced by the song, simply had no idea why complex harmonies, interesting rhythms and evocative lyrics were more popular then their own brand of smug,“more enlightened than YOU”-ism.
In the song, they make comments about how “wonderful” Rock-n-Roll groups like the Mamas and the Papas are because their lyrics are banal. I dig the Mamas and the Papas at “The Trip,” Sunset Strip in L.A.
And they got a good thing goin’ when the words don’t get in the way.
The song goes on to smarm the Beatles *
And when the Beatles tell you
They’ve got a word “love” to sell you
They mean exactly what they say*
and conclude that if PPM lowered themselves to write Rock and Roll music, it would be too, TOO far above us.
*
I think I could say somethin’ if you know what I mean
But if I really say it, the radio won’t play it
Unless I lay it between the lines!*
Talk about bitter!
So “I Dig Rock And Roll Music” wins my vote for the second smarmy-est song ever.
Anyone else have a song that just makes you wanna kick the singer just to wipe the smirk off their face? (Not that we would, of course!)
I always thought the song that goes “…and make me feel real loose, a like a long neck goose. Oh baby that’s what I like.” was a little slimy, even though it was from the 50’s.
Oh then there’s that incredibly pathetic song, again I don’t know who does it, but it’s a woman singing about how “special” she is and demanding attention. Damn, now the stupid song’s stuck in my head, grr.
Cuz I, I’m gonna make you see
There no one else, nobody but me
I’m special, sooo special
i gotta have some of your attention
GIVE IT TO ME!
Sounds like a demanding bitch with a SERIOUS self-esteem problem!
That song that that Gweneth Paltrow sings with some guy, (I am not sure who because I never leave it on the station long enough to figure it out) makes me want to pull out a shot gun and shoot someone, and I am not a violent person:D. It is quite possibly the cheeziest song I have EVER heard.
Sheesh, heretical as it may seem, PPM’s “I Dig Rock And Roll Music” doesn’t bother me. I took it as their leaden attempt at whimsical parody of pop rock. It’s clod-footed, but let’s face it, their paltry store of humor croaked over “Puff The Magic Dragon”.
It’s lefty/liberal godawfulness but still more listenable–in a wincing, train-wreck way–than Madonna’s horrific cover of “American Pie”. There’s earnest stupidity and then there’s “gouge your eardrum with a Bic pen” sheer dreadfulness.
I avoid commerical stations but sometimes land on 'em through pure, desperate flight from endless commercials. (As Mr. Barry has hilariously noted–“60 minutes of uninterrupted MUSIC–but for now, chump, it’s solid commericals! Hum the jingles…”)
But for pure smarmy awfulness…(forgive inaccuracies; I’ve cultivated amnesia):
Band of Gold: a wailing, screeching “story song” about impotence (“luuuve me like you TRIED before”).
If I were a carpenter: Oh, ish. Forget the socio/political implications, this is embarrassing dreck.
Anything by Bobby Goldsborough. But especially “Honey”, about the youthful, dead wife.
But maybe I’m misreading the potential for pop music to become campy classics.
In a wonderful coincidence, as I opened this thread a commercial came on for Time-Life’s “Forever Love” collection, a compilation of 24 wedding-ish songs. Like “Lady” by Kenny Rogers, “Tonight” by, I dunno who, maybe Evelyn Champagne King in duet with someone else, I’m just guessing.
I’d say from the brief samples they played, just about every single track on the album would qualify.
First off let me just say that I agree with you about this song, Fenris
Gawd!!! I have ALWAYS hated that song “Signs”
Another one I’ve never liked:
“Spirit In The Sky” by Norman Greenbaum
One more… I have **never,ever,ever **liked any version of the song “I Heard it Thru the Grapevine” many people have recorded that song but the version I hate the most is done by Creedence Clearwater Revival.
I don’t know what it’s called, but that song where the main guy is singing to his secretary about how he wants her to write a letter to his lawyer to divorce his wife. Then he ASKS HER OUT!!!
WHY DOES THIS GET PLAYED IN THE 21ST CENTURY??? WHY???
