Speeding down a completely deserted highway a friend got pulled over. When the cop asked if he knew how fast he was going he said “I was going the speed of traffic!”
I thought it was funny as hell - the cop didn’t
I never been asked “if I feel safe in my home” are you an older person ? When I was health aide I wish my clients were asked this question b/c of elder
abuse being done by a family member .
It means that they do not have to respect to your patient-doctor confidentiality; they are going to call the cops and let them know that you’re being abused.
You can always answer “Yes, thanks to my arsenal of loaded handguns and other semiautomatic weapons.”
Which will allow them to tick off another question on their form. 
My go-to is that I’ll always make a statement, the other person will say “Really?” and I always follow it up with “Nope, Gotcha”.
Why would I say it if it weren’t true?
btw the “personality” joke was hilarious
Or people just talking out of their whatever
Pretty much any doctor I’ve ever had, GP or specialist, has not found me the least bit funny. During a physical a few years ago, the nurse practitioner reminded me that I’m fat (because I think she honestly felt I was unaware), and told me that maybe I wanted to cut back on french fries. My response was “I’d rather die.” She looked taken aback for a second, and I said “Seriously, tell me to stop eating anything else. But if I had a choice between never eating french fries again and losing ten years of my life, I choose the fries. Every damn time.”
Then she asked me if I did any “weird drugs.” I said “I don’t think any of the drugs I do could be considered weird …” Not even a smile.
Now I just answer the questions and shut up otherwise.
So if a doctor think one of their patient is being abused and too frighten to say anything about it the doctor should look the other way??
I HATE that question about whether I feel safe in my relationship/in my home when I’m at the doctor’s. I have this bizarre throwback, lapsed-Catholic guilt that makes me wonder if I’m lying or omitting the truth- even though I’ve not once felt like I was being abused in my relationship.
It could be that I’m already a little nervous by default since I’m at a doctor’s office, but that question always ratchets my nerves up a little.
I would love to respond next time in one of the funny ways listed above, but it looks like the majority of the Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions are met with bored humorlessness when used at the doc’s.
I’m middle-aged and they started asking this question within the past ten years or so. It’s a way for an abused person to ask for help, assuming of course that they are alone with the health care person. As mentioned above, “are there any guns in your home?” is also asked in the same set of questions.
When I was fifteen or sixteen years old, I went to the doctor because of a cold or a cough and the doctor asked if I smoked. I said no but my mother was in the room with us and I thought that some teenagers probably did smoke but hid it from their parents (so they’d either have to lie to the doctor or reveal their smoking to their parent). So again, not a question to be asked when someone else is in the room.
Did you get the job?
HIPAA is not absolute – and in some cases they’re required to notify the police.
I’m pretty sure I’ve shared this before - it’s a smart-ass comment that was hilarious in its wrongness.
My youngest sister was about 10 or so at the time. She was being a typical obnoxious kid, and my brother said “Stop acting like an idiot!”
Sis’s snappy comback: “Who’s acting?!?”
She’s gotten better at being a smartass, but that was classic.
So your personality wasn’t all that appealing to them, either. 
Back when they used to ask you the questions at the Red Cross blood bank (now a computerized self-test):
Nurse: Have you ever paid for sex?
Me: I’m married
Nurse: <quizzical look>
Me: I’m always paying for it…even when I don’t have sex I’m paying for it.
Nurse: That’s not what I meant.
Whenever a doctor or nurse asks me if I have any allergies, I always say, “Just to work.” It sometimes gets a chuckle.
I just got a letter from a pain center I will be going to and have to answer a lot of questions . Right in the middle of a page is said :
" Due to the increase in domestic violence ,we ask all adult patients the following":
Do you feel unsafe or afraid of anyone ( i.e. your partner a relative or anyone else)?
It also asked if are being control by the way you dress or talk to ,or how you spend your money. It also ask if you would be interest in the support of a case worker .
I know this a way check up on people safety . Meals on Wheels was also setup to check on people that lived alone , it would be the only time some people had someone to talk to for a few minutes . It sucks that there is a huge increase in
domestic violence !
Objection! Assumes facts not already in evidence. AKA: Cite?
In fact, I thought domestic violence had decreased in the past few decades, although a quick search provides data supporting both an increase and a decrease.
once with my usual Dr. I dropped a Ron White punch line on him:
“And how tall are you?”
“Between 5’ 6” and 5’ 8" depending on which convenience store I’m leaving."
or this one the time I went to an urgent care clinic, and they were getting the blood pressure cuff ready.
“Ok, we’ll need a bare arm for this.”
“Sorry, I only have human arms.”
my favorites are being able to drop movie quotes, especially from Airplane. like when I was at the dentist being fitted for a bite guard:
“Ok, we’re done with that, so let’s get your impression…”
“I’m sorry, I don’t do impressions. My training is in engineering.”