My mom took my brother in to see the doctor because he was limping. The doctor asked why and when my mother replied it was because my father kicked him, the doctor simply turned away. That was how domestic violence was handled in the 60s.
I went in with a busted lip and dislocated tooth and the truthful answer to “what was she hit with?” was “her brother’s fist”. I guess it’s not DV if we’re both kids.
The DC Metro doors close to the first two notes of “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot”.
May be outdated info…?
Waiter: Any questions about the menu?
My Spouse: Yes, what weight paper did you use? And what is this font?
However, it is possible that there will be more than one even if you enter alone. Someone else could be parking the car, or meeting you there.
Or the doctor may have felt that the child did something to justify this, as a disciplinary measure.
:eek:
I have had several people unfriend and block me on Facebook because they were always posting memes encouraging parents to do things like this, “because kids wouldn’t misbehave if you did”, that kind of thing, and not only did I criticize them, I asked them questions like, “So, do you think husbands should be allowed to do that to their wives?”
Quite true, which of course is why I am posting this in the smart-ass thread. :p;)
Kayaker wrote: "The last time we tried a “new” restaurant, the hostess asked if I had reservations.
“No, I expect a few one star Yelp reviews. People being people, and all.”
We got a good table anyway."
I’ve actually used a variation on that one myself. “Yes, but we’ll eat here anyway.”
What is the “by whom?” question trying to ask? I’m genuinely curious. Maybe “which
government agency [or doctor?] officially signed off on your identification as a ‘disabled person’?”
Years ago I worked for a company that had several Spanish speaking employees
who were willing to teach me a bit of Spanish. One day one of the employees -
let’s call him José - wanted to show his friend that I knew some Spanish.
José pointed at me and said to his friend: “This guy knows Spanish.”
Then turning toward me he said “Hey, X.L., say something in Spanish.”
To this I replied* “Algo.”* (translation: “something”)
José looked annoyed and said “No, cabrón, speak Spanish!!”
I responded with “¡Ni madres!” (translation: “No way!”)
Not too long ago, one of my bosses “caught” me sitting in a chair in the hangar, while I was waiting on our Jurassic-era printer to print a couple maintenance manual pages.
Boss (humorous tone): "Sooo, you gonna get anything accomplished today?"
Me (completely serious tone): "I wasn’t planning on it."
Threw him off for a few seconds, until I laughed at the expression on his face.
Two African American women come into my checkout line. I think they must have hit a bar before the store. They are buying chocolate. A lot of chocolate. I comment that I love chocolate too. Please note that I have very fair skin.
One of them says “Okay, you can be our sister in chocolate.”
I replied “I’ll have to be the white chocolate.”
They cracked up.
The nurse was not amused when I was in the hospital and was not allowed any salt with my dinner, so I asked if I could sprinkle some saline solution from my IV onto my spinach.
Humour at the doctor is a funny thing. As a doctor you have to be pretty careful with jokes since they are not always appreciated. Yet laughter eases tough situations and establishes rapport. Patients make a lot of jokes, and I try to laugh politely even if it’s not so original. I have cut down a lot on my wise ass comments because I was a little too quick to make them, which ain’t wise.
A customer’s purchases come to exactly $144. He hands me exactly $144 in bills. I say “That’s gross.”
He got the joke.
I posted on Facebook my frustration with the Christmas tree lights going out. A friend who graduated from a rival school responded “Maybe you need a <rival school> grad to help you figure it out.”
I responded with “we’re talking about screwing in light bulbs here. I may need a few…”
Yeah, but then you all need to get in the light bulbs …
When in a restaurant and the waitperson says something like “If you need anything, my name is Bill”, I’ll often respond “Thank you, and what is your name if I don’t need anything?”
That almost always gets at least a double take, and has left a server or two completely flummoxed.
The usual grocery check out mantra of “Did you find everything you were looking for today?” sometimes gets “Well I kept looking for love in all the wrong places.”