smart pills

So at long last they’ve invented “smart pills.” Yes, you just take a single pill and it will permanently raise one’s IQ 50 points. There’s a limit of one per customer and I probably should mention the pill costs $32,860 (yes, the cost of a brand new Ford F-250 and a half dozen Clint Black CD’s).

There’s a waiting list and we need to know whether or not you’re interested and the marketing department would also like to know why or why not.

Since IQ can only be measured up to 200, there’s no way I can verify the extra 35. Can I get a discount?

Do we really want to run the risk of making nasty stupid people smarter?

Sure, Sarah Palin is harmless (and entertaining) now. But imagine her 50 points smarter. She might actually be able to cause some real damage.

Or Hillary Clinton. Ugh, I just got the chills.

I’d be interested why not. I’d probably change jobs and become a professional Smart Person and host science shows on TV and make millions of dollars.

Sure, I’d be interested in four of them.

Of course, even as I am now I will need to see the peer-reviewed studies that show it works.


Can I get it on credit? Once I’m smarter I’ll be able to figure out how to pay for it, I promise!

Smart Corp. is confident that once your IQ exceeds 200 you will be capable of devising a new test that can accurately measure intelligence at those higher levels. We will be happy to prorate the unconfirmed increase in exchange for you giving us that new test.

Dr. Wakefield is writing the report as we speak.

Well, I can’t afford it now. But the price isn’t very different from the cost of a college education, and the benefit is at least comparable, possibly greater. So it’d definitely be worth saving up for.

Except I think I would want to invest in the next generation before myself. The earlier the age at which you get the pill, the longer you have to take advantage of the increased intelligence. So I’d get them for my nieces and nephew first, and any children I might have myself, before I got my own.

Of course, like Shodan, this is all contingent on rock-solid evidence that these things work and are safe.

running coach, the reason IQ tests only go up to 200 is because there just aren’t enough people to compare to at that level to provide a meaningful baseline. But if these pills became commonplace, then there would be people to compare to, and so a higher-limit test could be constructed. That said, though, you almost certainly don’t have an IQ of 185.

Humor. It is a difficult concept.

What makes you think the hosts of TV science shows are smart? The rampant BS on most of them would appall anybody armed with a high school science text.

What they are instead of smart is good at selling themselves on TV. That’s much more lucrative.

And Cardigan’s smart pill ain’t gonna do that for ya. Instead you need the *sales pill *I’ve invented and am now pre-selling. Only $64K but you can pay in 3 easy payments of just $32K. Just *think *of all the money you’ll make.