Yes it’s exactly what it sounds like. Let’s say an individual wanted to smear feces on a window. What would be the proper consistency for the maximum mess? Should one water down the feces perhaps into a paste? Obviously one can’t shit-on-command too precisely, so feces would need to be gathered and saved from various sources, thus drying them out and making them unspreadable. How would one counteract this?
Um if feces bother you then what’s another material that would make an equally disgusting mess? Pudding’s too expensive and tasty to waste. Be creative.
Mods, have mercy on me for posting this thread. I really WOULD like to know.
OK, I can’t believe I’m replying to this , but I actually have experience with this subject, sort of. My friend and I were completing a video assignment for a French class in which we produced a short video whose only sound was the Meow-Mix song but instead of saying meow-meow-meow, etc. we sang merde, merde, merde. Our introduction to the video was some “feces” sliding down a window. We just mixed some top soil and water to the desired consistency (including of course an appropriate amount of corn). With the proper angle, lighting, etc. it looked just like a big terd sliding down glass.
I had an art teacher who called much of the abstract art “stool smearning”. Meaning - the artist was being “creative”, but the artwork had no substance or thought. (I’m not saying I agree with this teacher totally, but I have seen artworks that look a lot like “stool smearing”.)
So. My advice is to get some brown oil paint (burnt sienna and burnt umber are two good choices) and go to it!
Grody. Thanks Diver. My goal isn’t exactly movie effects however, the goal is to create a lasting mess. I suppose I could sneak into Taco Bell and steal their burrito compound but I doubt that would stick. Dirt would work but it’s so primitive…I dont’ wanna say “I put dirt on the windows”. Err I mean “one wouldn’t want to say”…
Hmm how bout something that would just leave a really gross film on the windows? (By the way this isn’t for some sinister revenge, merely a gag among friends.
Moist shit can be removed from a window easily with a hose. I advise a mixture of shit and parrafin (that’s artificial wax, not kerosene for you Brit dopers), dissolved in just enough turpentine to make it smearable. It can be easily carried in a zip-lock baggie. For that special occasion when just any delivery system won’t do, you can forgo the parrafin and turps and instead insert a cherry bomb into the shit baggie (Uh, this is one of those “need advise on how to break the law” threads. isn’t it?)
Yes, dissolve it in Turpentine!
This question wasn’t what I thought it was.
I was a student teacher last year ansd one of my students, I was warned, had a particular fetish (I know that’s not the correct term, btI can’t think of a better one.):
He was in fifth grade, had “problems” and among those was a lack of bowel control. He would shit his pants in the middle of class and i thought that the best thing to do was to not saying anything during the lesson (even though the smell was extremely noticeable and the other students giggled) and then later call him over and ask if he wanted the pass to go to the bathroom.
The only problem with that was that if he went to the bathroom unattended, he would smear the feces all over the wall.
The other teachers helped me out with him, but he was something I never anticipated when majoring in education.
I thought your post was a question asking about the psychological cause of feces-smearing.
That’s coprophilia, Turpentine, and in the absence of any serious physical problem (in which case the parents should have gotten medical help so he doesn’t crap in his pants in class), it’s a sign of serious emotional disturbance. Toddlers do it all the time, of course, but by fifth grade (hell, by first), the behavior should have been extinguished. This child needs some serious psychological attention, and a student teacher shouldn’t have been expected to deal with him without extra help.
I used to work for a place that had group homes for teenagers and in my four years there, I ran across two kids with this problem. One of them was ultimately hospitalized in an inpatient mental health facility, and the other ended up killing his dad. Both of them had been severely (and grotesquely) abused. I’m not sure what exactly leads to this form of, uh, self-expression, but it’s definitely more than any student teacher should have to deal with on her own.
Wow this is funny because just today after lunch my friends all ran up to me saying Bob, Bob you gotta see this someone smeared a turd all over the bathroom mirror.
hehehe, boy it was funny and it looked just like a turd…but it was a brownie.
so I guess I’m saying a brownie would work well!
and I was laughing so hard I was almost in tears and the Dean came in and was asking me “you think this is funny?? what makes it so funny??” and I tried to hold back the tears and make a straight face but the only words that came out of my mouth were “it’s a turd!!”
Over at Customers Suck, someone told us about how someone had not only smeared shit over the bathroom wall-but they actually wrote SHIT using, well, shit!
For a truly memorable mess, use vasoline, mixed with something for color, if you want. That stuff is amazingly hard to get off. Try using it on the windshield, too. When the victim gets smart enough to use the hot hose at the quarter wash, it melts the goo onto the wiper blades, which they never seem to notice, until the first rain.
I can personally attest to the power of good, thick, brown axle grease. It will achieve the results desired for color and consistency, is much more difficult to remove, and it doesn’t smell like shit. Kinda makes you a little less of a deviant, too
Aw crap, I can’t believe I’m answering this thread. (Though I can believe I just said that.) Anyway, I have had plenty of experience in this matter. There, I’ve said it, now let your imaginations run with it a bit before I get to the rest of the post. La la la laaa… enough?
Well, every good ‘n’ ethical camper at knows several methods of waste disposal. Some pack it out, some bury it, and some spread it out to dry. I’m generally a burier, but I had been convinced for a while of the merits of smearing. Go get a copy of How to Shit in the Woods and you’ll know what I’m talking about. Anyway, my purpose was never to… to… what was it you were trying to do? Oh yea, my purpose was never to make friends and influence people, so I can’t really speak to the window aspect of your plans. Forget loose um…. packages. Not a lot going on there, not a lot to work with. Think fiber, but not too much. Something between horse droppings and … and…… and…….
I just can’t go on.
Lol very insightful comments from everyone. I’m gathering some good ideas here. Rhythm I don’t really need a recipe for proper poo…but thanks for offering. (Hey how about naming the Goat Launch 2000 band “Smearing Feces”? Or at least the album title?)
I’m not crazy, really. Hehe.
The vaseline sounds like a good idea. Easy to apply, easy to clean off the applier but not the applied-to surface…fun with food coloring too!
