Smokin' Aces - What a piece of shit. Indignant spoilers inside.

Wow. A massive waste of time. It manages to be too vicious and debased to actually be any fun, while at the same time, it’s far too fucking silly to take seriously. Well done, Joel Carnahan, you managed to successfully walk an exceedingly crappy and trite tightrope. Yay for you.

It had a million unnecessary characters (I mean seriously. Why was Ben Affleck even in the movie at all? And I don’t mean that in the usual “how does this guy have a career” way. I mean that, literally, his character had absolutely no purpose.) Most of the characters were that way, actually. The guy that chewed his fingerprints off? Unnecessary. The two black girl-assassins? No purpose. The rednecks? Give me a fucking break already. Each of those subplots were sloppy, messy, and horribly unsatisfying. I mean, they weren’t even any fun.

It’s like it wanted to be Ocean’s 11 and Goodfellas at the same time, and let me tell you, brother, it does NOT work.

I mean, the mob boss/undercover FBI agent plot could have been interesting. COULD have…y’know, if it had been anything other than a tacked-on afterthought.

Jaysus, what a mess. Best to avoid…even if you have to chew off your fingertips to do so.

Oh good lord, it wasn’t that bad. It’s the latest in a long line of loud, unbelievable action flicks with too many colorful characters. If you tend to enjoy those kinds of movies it’s worth a rental and a bag of popcorn.

At least it didn’t try to be a “bigger” movie than it was - reveled in its B-movieness, I thought. No message about the human condition, no characters that we’re supposed to get all sad and weepy over, no swelling theme music. Just a bunch of weirdos shooting it out.

No, really. I’m not a movie snob. I like 'em all, pretty much. But this was the worst turd I’ve seen in, I don’t know, a year or more? It might have had a chance to just be “a bunch of weirdos fighting it out,” had it stuck to that, but then it had Ryan Reynolds’s character getting all flashbacky and weepy and serious about his partner’s (Ray Liotta) death and the sniper-in-the-hallway incident. Bleh. Horrible movie.

And what was with the ADD karate kid with the hardon?

It wasn’t good, but I’ve seen a lot worse. I thought the Jason Bateman character was fairly amusing.

If you want to see a turd, check out that new Lindsay Lohan movie. Wow, that was bad.

I like the part where Alicia Keyes is so hurt she’s being carried, but she still pulls a gun on someone. That part rocked. The rest, not so much.

The price we pay for Pulp Fiction gets higher every day. The OP and others will have to deal with it someday. I’m still not sure I want to defend or accuse them.

I have recently gotten an elliptical machine to try to lose weight and a DVD to watch while using it. This was one of the movies I rented recently.

I can’t argue with anything that you have said. I went in really expecting to like it, despite the reviews. I like a lot of the stars. (Even Ben Afleck.)

But there was nothing good about it at all. I was bored throughout and just kept hoping it would end.

Mmmmmm. Alicia Keyes. She was the only good part of that film and there wasn’t enough of her.
And how did that coke-head keep getting the boatloads of coke to continue in his coke-headed ways?

Not a good film, but the scene with Affleck and the neo-nazi Tremor brothers made me laugh 'til I cried.

Wait. A little help with plot clarification, if you please.

OK, so the FBI/mob eventually came to common purpose in that they were both going to murder Buddy Israel to replace Primo Sparazzo’s bum ticker with Buddy’s, um, bum ticker. Only, why would the FBI do this? Were they so sentimental about Freeman Heller that they were willing to murder Israel for, uh, what? A rogue agent that long ago became the mafioso thug he originally just pretended to be? I mean, they didn’t need him for testimony. They had Israel for that, right?

Seriously!

I enjoyed it overall, even if the plot was a mess that didn’t make any sense even after they explained it.

But the erect karate kid (with “the funny ADD!”) was just messed up.

Yes. Scenes like this made it apparent that they were trying way too hard to quirky and clever. They never pulled it off.

I had forgotten about that. By far the best scene in the movie.

And why did pulling the plug on Buddy kill him? He wasn’t injured.

I believe he had coked himself into cardiac arrest. He was nearly dead in the penthouse. Which, of course, begs the question - why did they want to take his busted heart and transplant it into the mobster with the busted heart? :confused:

Sounds like what I call “cocktail napkin script syndrome.” In reviewing Skinamax films, I frequently have the same reaction a lot of you apparently did to “Smokin’ Aces”: “Why did they … what the fuck … that character isn’t necessary … that makes no sense …” which leads to the inevitable conclusion that the scrpt was written on the surface of soggy cocktail napkins with felt tip pens during an all-night drinking/writing session, basking in the glow of their own genius, and the movie is just what they came up with when they tried to decipher the cocktail napkins.

Pulp Fiction was a masterpiece of utterly meaningless style, pointless violence, and gratuitous perversion in absence of any plot, theme, consistent characterization, et cetera. It’s basically a big collection of cameo shots ripping off better movies like Kubrick’s The Killing in B-movie fashion. I’m not sure how or why kitsch became high art and nostalgia for exploitation films begat a new genre of films, but I’d either like to see it die a fiery, definitive death or be combined with the romantic comedy into a type of film nobody can enjoy.

Stranger

Evidently, you guys haven’t yet seen the latest Lindsey Lohan movie, “I Know Who Killed [del]My Career[/del]Me”, which critics have called the Worse Movie of the Year. :stuck_out_tongue:

Personally, I like the way the guy cooks his wieners. :wink:

I wanted to like it…but I just couldn’t. It was unsatisfying even as a brainless shoot-em-up.

I realize its flaws and have no need to see it again, but I thought it had a solid cast and was entertained while watching it.

Also, Carnahan has a Tremor Brothers prequel in the works! I actually liked them for all their over-the-top cartoonishness – they were like sadistic, fucked-up, neo-Nazi versions of the Dreadnoks from G.I. Joe.