And no one has yet mentioned the ‘First National Bank of Change’?
(How do we make any money? Volume!)
Clear Gravy.
The Lung Brush
My all-time favorite is the one for the Bathroom Monkey. I just love when Jeanine Grafalo disposes of the monkey in a trash bag when it’s used up. And the one who’s sent to clean the shower scrawls “Monkey hate clean” on the tiles.
Uncle Jemima’s Malt Liquor comes in a close second. When Aunt Jemima hollers at him for pushing malt liquor, he says “Black folks ain’t exactly swellin’ up with pride on account o’ you flippin’ flapjacks.” Gets me every time!
The Love Toilet™
Action Cats are awesome!
Gangsta Bitch Barbie
She don’t take no crap.
SHE DON’T TAKE NO CRAP!
With a pocketbook holding her pack of Newport Lights,
and a restraining order against Tupac Ken…
I can’t believe no one has mentioned the most hilarious (and most shocking) SNL commercial ever.
It consists entirely of shaky Handi-Cam film of the bodies of the Heaven’s Gate (is that the name of those idiots who committed suicide so they could catch a ride on Halley’s Comet?) cult members lying in their bunks. All the shots are waist down, and all you see is their identical sweat pants and Nike sneakers.
Overlaid is the opening verses of “Revolution” by the Beatles (“Revolution” was being used by Nike in a series of commercials at the time). Finally, there came a text-only screen and voice-over, both saying the same thing:
Reeboks. Worn by sensible, normal Christians.
Sua
There was a commercial they did a few years ago, mid-'80s I think. It looked real, especially since no SNL cast members appeared in it and the production values were HIGH.
It featured an attractive young couple flirting with each other while leaning against a classic convertible. As they flirt, the camera randomly shoots his jeans, her cleavage, his shirt, her lips in a seductive half-smile, the tail-light of the car, etc. Then the camera pulls back as they get into the car and start to drive into the sunset. And the voiceover says:
“General Dynamics. The world leader in missile-defense technology.”
The tag-line was the only way to tell that this was a fake…I was trying to figure out if it was a Levi’s commercial, or a beer commerical, or maybe a cologne…
The one with Roseanne as a credit card phone rep was great. “So then this guy calls up with this phony British accent and goes ‘I lost my credit cahd at the aihpoht’ and I’m like, ‘I know who ya are!’” Classic.
And who can forget “Hey, hey, we’re Adobe! The little car that’s made out of clay?”
More recently, the one with Molly Shannon in the floor cleaner commercial describing how she originally married her husband to take him for everything he’s got… she goes on to list her seedy past… at the end, a big smile and long shot of a sparkling floor.
- s.e.
The Navy It’s not just a job it’s $96.78 per week. See your recruiter.
I so want a Mini Mite!
How about the Lova Toilet Seat? I wonder who snuck that piece of porcelin home? Lovitz maybe?
Ahem, that’s The Love Toilet.
Crystal Gravy (the spoof on Crystal Pepsi) and Cookie Dough Sport, ala Gatorade, are two of my favorites, along with the robot insurance, which is just absolutely classic. But the best were two different spoofs on the Calvin Klein “Obsession” ads in which the central character, played by Jan Hooks, had an obsession with cleaning, and the product was Calvin Klein’s Obsession household cleaner, ala Pine Sol or something. The tag line was “There’s a fine line between madness and obsession, and I will clean that line.”
To be precise, it was “Somewhere between cleanliness and godliness lies Compulsion, by Calvin Kleen.” That’s from the ad I saw; I didn’t know there were two of them!
Two of the more tasteless ones:
The Phil Hartman funeral home commercial. “We make this pledge to you. No sex with your dead loved one.”
Or the Joe Piscopo/Mary Gross coffee commercial:
Joe: Didn’t you hear me? I’ve been molesting our daughter! I’ve been having sex with her!
Mary: I think it’s time for some Maxwell House coffee.
The best one I can remember is a take-off on those old Geritol commercials. “My wife, I think I’ll keep her.”
I think it was Dan Akroyd. He’s laying in bed with his wife and pitching a Geritol-like product, after a few minutes the wife disappears under the covers to give some quite obvious oral pleasure and Dan says “My wife, I think I’ll keep her.”
The perfume ad “Hey You” with Gilda Radner.
“For that special someone you’ll never see again”
A few years ago, there was a parody of those commercials for companies that are extremely vague about their purposes in their commercials.
“Even we don’t know what we do.”
I liked the roach trap one that tortures the roaches. “First, tiny mechanical arms rip off the roaches limbs and beat it with them.” and so on. There’s a little window, so all the family can gather around and watch the roach being tortured.