I have a paper due at 2 p.m. on 3rd parties, why they work, and why they don’t. It is my inclination to discuss the spoiler effect for 3 pages, but I don’t have the motivation even to do that. Does anybody want to write it for me, or must I go through 7 years of posts, cutting and pasting along the way?
[sub]Of course I’m going to write it, but it’s so obvious that there doesn’t seem to be any point to it. God but I hate homework. School sucks.[/sub]
Don’t really want to write it (part of not being in school is that I don’t have to write things I don’t want to research), but assuming Robin is asleep by the time you finish it, I’ll give it a look and make sure you didn’t say anything poorly.
I could think of a lot worse topics. This sounds kind of interesting.
Create three fictional third party candidates for this election - one a hypothetical spoiler for McCain, another a hypothetical spoiler for Obama and the third would be the ideal spoiler for both of them - one that could win. You could use real, or fictional candidates and platforms.
From reading your posts, you seem fully capable of creating all three of those parties off the top of your head as fast as you could type the paper. Plus, I would love to read what you write!
Under ordinary circumstances, absolutely. But amazingly enough, in spite of the fact that I am in the military, I am incredibly resistant to authority. If you made me read a book I’d skim it at best, whereas if I chose it myself I wouldn’t be able to put it down.
Indeed. You flatter me.
May God have mercy on your soul. It’s been said about my papers that I am cynical through and through, and sarcastic to boot. My professor will probably hate me for what I write, but I can’t change who I am and I wouldn’t even if I could. This, of course, is totally at odds with what I am perceived to be here, but that’s because most people miss the subtleties of my rapier wit and wisdom.
So, the paper is due in less than 12 hours and I’m loaded up on Captain and Coke. Where do I begin? Shall I start by skewering Strom Thurmond, lauding Abraham Lincoln, or laughing at Perot and his “giant sucking sound” which never really came to pass? Somewhere along the way I need to mention Debs, Anderson and LaRouche, but how do I work them in when the paper is only 3-5 pages long? I could write a novella about this from memory were I so inclined, but cites are required because it’s simply not possible that I could know anything about the topic.:rolleyes: Such is academia. If you know too much you’re a plagiarist.
Don’t forget to include Ralph Nader…the little fucker proved you don’t have to be hugely popular to sway the outcome of an election.
Go from the beginning. Since you’re doing this in five pages and not 50, I wouldn’t aim for more than one third-party trend. Look at one factor and how it played out in at least three candidates’ races.
(For my senior thesis, much of the material for which I already knew essentially by heart, I basically grabbed easy pull quotes that supported my points. My thesis adviser said I was right, and I got a mid-A on the thing. If you know the argument, it shows, and so long as your corroborating information is lined up nice and neat, nobody has any reason to complain.)
How could I forget Mr. Corvair himself? Silly me. Should I include him in my analysis of the spoiler effect? One might think so, but Mr. Nobel Rock Star didn’t even win his home state, so was it really a spoiler? You be the judge.
Here you go:
Third parties are good for the economy, and the well-being of the citizens of the United States.
For example, first parties in North Dakota and Montana are commonly held from 5:PM - 7:PM, and are known as after work parties. These are generally attended by your coworkers–people you’ve already spent 8 hours (or more) with–whom you really don’t care to associate with. Further, these first parties usually have crappy food, except for those little weiners slow cooked in barbecue sauce. I like those. There’s rarely any beer (because it’s a ‘work party’), and fun is limited to watching Jim play jokes on Dwight.
Second parties are a little bit better, in that they’re after parties to the lame first parties immediately after work. These after parties are impromptu groups of coworkers who decide to ditch the first parties, and start their own party out on their own. Since it’s a ditching, everyone just leaves the first party, and finds the nearest bowling alley or curling lanes, and grabs a cold one in a relaxed setting. While it’s not the best environment, it’s a little more informal, and gives the participants a chance to plan the evening’s later events–the third party. Once plans are set, everyone heads home to clean up and change into more relaxed party clothes. They set a rally point and time, and later meet.
The third party kicks off when a quorum of partygoers has been established, and decide to continue with the plan. Sometimes this third party can involve dinner or more alcohol, or other activities such as playing cards or karaoke (but not karaoke while playing cards). These third parties are the most democratic as well, because usually everyone in the group has a say on where they’ll be going, and what time they’ll arrive there. Fourth and fifth parties are also fun, but are usually drawn out as most of the fun happens at the third. Citizens have the most fun a third parties, and usually spend the most money. This helps the economy via the local Applebees or Ground Round.
Threfore, ergo, and henceforth, a three-party system is fundmental to this nation. By democratically electing a place to go and a time to get there after the crappy work party, people exercise their right to free speech and right to peaceably assemble as our forefathers expected us to. Every four years there seen to be ‘parties’ that gather in major cities, but these are called ‘conventions’ and don’t look like much fun. Sure there’s a lot of hollering and good times, but it’s pretty ‘conventional’ as that looks a lot like my office. In closing, if the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit, and ‘free Willy!’. It wasn’t over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, and it ain’t over now.
Tripler
God bless America!
All the cool third parties were in the Nineteenth Century–the anti-Masons, the Free Soilers, the Know-Nothings, the Constitutional Union, the Greenbackers, the Populists. The Australian ballot sucked the oxygen out of third parties. The survivors today are a hollow mockery of their forebears.
Freddy the Pig, how can you talk about historical third parties without mentioning my favorite: the Bull Moose Party? The name alone makes for wonderful imagery, and knowing that it was set up by Teddy Roosevelt just adds to the romanticism. I also suspect that because the Bull Moose’ days were over a century ago, one could be as scathing as one wants when discussing them without invoking automatic ire from a professor who may be looking for evidence of proper ideation, as well as the ability to write a convincing argument.
Airman Doors, having just noticed this thread, I don’t think I can offer any substantive help. (Not that I would have earlier, but that’s my excuse now.) I would like to echo DMark and say that whatever you end up writing I’d enjoy having a chance to read. I may not always agree with your conclusions but I find your style very enjoyable.
In Japan, they have words for second party, third party, etc. I’ve discovered that the longer you drink (most places are a flat fee for a specific time period of all you can drink), and the more places you visit, the more likely it is that you’ll end up at somewhere that has karaoke. Unfortunately. However, you’re usually so drunk that it seems like a great idea at the time.
You could include this section in conjunction with Tripler’s, and talk about the importance of internationalization in regards to the third party. And karaoke.
bump
Yeah, so, how’s about that paper. How’d ya do?
Tripler
Karaoke & cards.
You could just tell the professor your computer crashed. Everyone’s computer crashes around the time papers are due, and professors tend to be very understanding about these mysterious computer failures.
I finished it pretty quickly the next day after a whopping two hours of sleep. I asked one of my classmates to read it and he thought it was pretty good. I can live with that.