He was filled with pigeons? Maybe the squirrels were just trying to protect their little bird friends.
“Hey, Chip! Stay away from the Walking Nuts! They taste terrible!”
While I’ve known for years that squirrels are omnivorous, I wonder why the guy who worked with them was so certain the baby turtles were safe. Makes me think baby turtles are NOT normally part of *these *squrrels’ diet, which makes me wonder if the squrrel was rabid. Rabid squirrels do weird things (luckily, they’re not as common as my mother would have you believe).
Or the guy was new, or just unobservant in the past. Anything’s possible.
That’s … unsettling.
I’ve always regarded squirrels as rather cute little tree rodents. They’ve never been a huge nuisance around here – at least, no more so than any other city-dwelling fauna. Heck, at least they’re not big enough or smart enough to figure out how to get into your outdoor supposedly-raccoon-proof garbage can at night.
This just freaks me out though. Picturing a squirrel sitting on its haunches, rotating an acorn between its forepaws as it nibbles its way around the edges is one thing. Replacing the nut with a bloody gobbet is very, very different. In fact, I have trouble making that image work without also making the eyes glow red.
Let me be the first to welcome our new squrrel overlords.
serious man, 24 posts and nobody has rehashed that Simpson’s line?
Nope… you’re the first one, oh and you’re also the first to misspell squirrel
Confused? man they’d have to be totally whacked outta their skulls…
“Hey Fluffy lookit this, a nut with flippers and the little buggers just been swimming”
“Ya don’t say, well eat the damn thing anyway”
Turtles got shells.
Nuts got shells.
It’s easy to see how the squirrels could get those two thing confused.
**Baby softshell turtle: ** “Dammit!!! It took me all day to get up there!”
Of course you will need packs of man to eat sheep. I know not one man who and eat an entire sheep in one sitting.
I do, but then, Hal jokes are a little old.
Then you aint met my pal Hagar and his buddy Desperate Dan
My screen name means “afraid of squirrels.” I meant it as a joke.
I now see I was horribly mistaken.
Obviously, those baby turtles didn’t pay their tithe of nuts to the squirrels. This is why people feed squirrels, so they don’t decide to eat you instead.
My mother used to have a squirrel around her house who would knock on the door when it wanted food. I wonder what happened to the people who bought her house? Heaven help them if they didn’t feed the squirrel.
I was initially horrified and surpirsed at the OP story. But then I got to thinking of the little guys as “rodents.” Rats and mice routinely go for the easy energy meal, why not squirrels?
Now I’m just horrified. And that Russian black squirrel? Tell me that’s not the devil’s own creation!
When I was growing up in suburbia, I thought the squirrels were cute and wanted to feed them (and make them, in effect, pets). My mother would not allow it, no matter how much I pleaded and begged.
Our next door neighbor did feed the squirrels. (Probably where I got the idea.) They would come right up to her and take the nuts right from her hand. All well and good, until the day she went out to sunbathe and, horrors, didn’t bring any squirrel food. The squirrels attacked her, and she had to go to the emergency room.
I never asked to feed the squirrels after that.
Once you start paying the squirrel protection money you can’t stop. The Squirrelioso cannot be denied. Even the Mafia won’t go against them, this is why they don’t traffic in nuts.
Gamera is really neat; he is filled with turtle meat.
Eh, there’s cuisine and then there’s cuisine.
Squirrels are actually pretty tasty. You take the haunches and the front feet, soak 'em in milk overnight, then either:
- Batter them up and fry them, or (preferably)
- Batter up and just brown them up, then slow cook 'em, put on to a plate, deglaze the pan drippings, add the tree rats back to the pan and friciasee them, make a gravy out out of the “pan leavings,” and serve over rice.
See, this doesn’t make any sense to me. Yadda, yadda, natural order of things, I know, but helping an endangered species, like say condors or bald eagles, is going against the “natural order of things” so why should mucking about with turtles on the beach be any different? (And in many places turtles are endangered, I don’t know of any place where squirrels [other than the UK where the red ones are being trounced by their American cousins], so screw the squirrels.] If anyone wants to “thin the herd” of squirrels, I recommend this Harvard study on the merits of squirrel fishing. 
For some reason, I can’t help but picture this taking place in an early Steve Martin movie or one of the Airplane movies.