“…ce people”?
I’ve used a line like this before:
X: Says something mildly bigoted.
Me: I am uncomfortable with the direction this is heading.
This is about as politic as I can be, and I generally would only use it with customers.
No, if you’d kept your mouth shut, you’d have to put up with future invites from this miserable person. Then you’d be stuck trying to think of polite ways to distance yourself and dreaming up fake obligations. Eventually she’d catch you out in a polite lie and it’d be all awkward and annoying and it’d look like you did something wrong.
Better to be upfront about who’s the socially backward one. Hint: it wasn’t you.
I would have pretended to be intensely curious and asked her specifically what problems she’d been having with the Hmong. Then I’d probably say, “Oh, is that all? Well, if you do decide to move, let me know. I think I may like living in this neighborhood.”
Polite silence doesn’t cut it with me anymore. If someone starts spouting off in front of me, I either leave abruptly or I confront them, damn etiquette. I’ve decided I’m going to go off on my father this Christmas if he even thinks about saying something anti-Semitic, like he did at Thanksgiving. I don’t care about his feelings anymore since apparently he doesn’t care about anyone else’s. He’s a blowhard, so I’ll be an even bigger blowhard for a change and see if he likes when the tables are turned. If people have a problem with the scene I might generate, then they can go fuck themselves too.
I’m tired of pussing-footing around hateful people, especially if they’re loud.
+1
Sneak bragger. I agree that silence is no longer acceptable but coming to the Straight Dope of all places to get propped up under the guise of of having been rude (because of how others made you feel) is silly. If you need to vent about your racsist friends, just do it.
Well, that sounds good in theory.
But it certainly doesn’t sound out of the realm of possibility that poorly maintained yards and houses and junky cars and whatevers CAN bring down property values (not saying that what is actually happening, just giving an example). It doesnt really matter if its Hmong or rednecks doing it either.
Perhaps you should investigate her complaint. How do the houses the Hmong have moved into compare to the rest of the neighborhood?
Yeah, she just might not like yellow people just because they are yellow. Then again, her property values might actually be taking a hit that has nothing to actually do with the color of folks moving in. Except that its mostly those people who are bringing down the property values.
If Dr Huxtable moves in next door I am going to be pretty excited. Fred Sanford, not so much.
Only if she’s in Florida or Arizona. 
That’s really good.
I’m an equal-oppportunity hater - I hate anyone who doesn’t keep up their house and yard.
Yeah, but the Sheriff’s one, so you gotta take that into account.
That’s what I like to do… “You know my great-grandmother was [whatever ethnicity is being insulted].” But I’m straight up okay with being condescending to bigots.
I’m a Realtor. I’ve shown Hmong houses that are in absolute horrible conditions inside (usually the outside looks ok, just low on landscaping, I would say their cars are usually nicer than kid cars). From what I can tell it doesn’t affect the neighborhood pricing noticeably. I live in the same neighborhood as her and follow prices and haven’t noticed a drop even in the houses on the same block as the majority of Hmong home owners. Other neighborhoods that have a reputation of having a large Hmong presence also don’t have noticeable price drops. I certainly hear people say they won’t look there because of it but there are enough others for now that don’t care.
If she had said she was worried about Hmong gang activity I would have agreed with her, we have had some extremely minor problems with junior gang activity. I am realistic.
That would have been perfect!
As a proud Canadian, I must point this out: we are not a single ethnic group. We are a multi-ethnic nation, much as the USA is. One thing that we have in common with y’all.
I don’t think either one of you were rude or stupid. I think you’re letting this get inside of your head far too much. Let it go as I’m sure she isn’t letting it bother her.
Neither rude nor stupid. I hope you did the raised eyebrow, condescending look as well.
Seriously, SHE was the rude and stupid one, not you.
Bingo.
You’re not wrong, but there’s a time and place for it and as another poster mentioned, instead of making everyone nearby think “How astute of Zulema to deftly skewer the hostesses’ unacceptable racism and bigotry!” they may very well be thinking “Great, another member of the uptight politically correct offenderati”.
Still, the important thing is that you let it be known that not everyone is happy to let such views pass without comment; although I have to ask: “So what if she doesn’t want to live in a multicultural neighbourhood?” She’s not trying to stop Ethnic Group X moving into the neighbourhood (at least from what you’ve said), after all.
I don’t think you were rude enough. “I didn’t know you were a racist” while walking out would have been rude. And appropriate.
I have had something very close said in my presence at work. A co-worker mentioned plans to move out of Madison because he didn’t want his children to have to to school with all the “ghetto kids” which have supposedly moved here from Chicago. I suggested he relocate to Norway, which is the only place whiter than Madison I could think of.
Madison is sooo white that once, while I was showing a friend from Washington DC around town, he pointed and said, “Look! A back person”. Madison is sooo white that several years ago UW Madison got a lot of unflattering national press when they Photoshopped a picture of a black student into midst of a crowd at a UW Badger football game in an attempt to make the student body look more diverse.
These kinds of moves are awesome. I live for a moment like this to challenge myself to be so awesome.
Unfortunately, I have been cowardly enough to let some moments pass. Once at work, a man I respected a great deal up until then just started spouting ugly gossip about another co-worker that I respected. I just sat there in stunned silence and said nothing. Can’t get that moment back.
But I have been testing myself since then, trying to be bolder and bolder. The moments to test myself are thankfully rare. But if I ever get a chance to be as cool as denouncing someone’s bullshit in their own home and then making an indignant exit, that will be pure win.
The thing about etiquette is that it is supposed to be a social lubricant, right? To make sure that everyone is comfortable. Once someone slaps you with the white glove, the duel is on, baby. If you are forced to take a stand, that stand shouldn’t be considered rude. The OP would have been better if the title was, “I took a stand, and I’m proud of myself.” Would have gotten the same amount of kudos.
Kudos and congrats!
One of the chapters of the book I am currently teaching my students is on Cultural Diversity.
One point that is strongly suggested is speaking up and not allowing other people to get away with saying things that are offensive and blatantly racist/sexist/demeaning in any way.
As long as people think it is “OK” to spew their bile, they get away with it.
Good for you.
Besides, as long as that racist is moving away, what do you care?
Racism is a known party-killer. They Might Be Giants even wrote a song about it:
This is where the party ends,
I can’t stand here listening to you
And your racist friend.
I know politics bore you,
But I feel like a hypocrite talking to you
And your racist friend.