So I’ve been telling people that I am ‘Pure and Upstanding’

Yup. That’s how I pegged you. Notable that both far-away boardsters and the friends who know you well see this. (It’s not particularly unique or notable that you don’t; it generally works out that way; when I was like that, I didn’t see it either for a while.) I hope you’re not being sarcastic about considering your friend’s theory. Good luck.