So, I Was Standing At The Urinal...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

…just started doing my business and had this weird flutter on my kidney?

I panicked and stopped, then I started to pee again and there was that same odd throbbing…my liver?

I immediately stopped again. Nothing so I started to pee again and this time the throbbing was even worse!

Hypochondriac that I am, I quickly envisioned an emergency organ transplant and a flurry of friends and relatives gathering at my bedside while I lay comatose…

…and then, I realized I had left my cell phone on vibrator, in my pants pocket.

2

So all this you were thinking while you were peeing? Funny.

3

That was Nature calling

4

Did anyone else hear BB King playing in their head when they read the thread title? :slight_smile:

5

Thanks for sharing. That had me LOL. :slight_smile:

6

This absolutely cracked me up!! :D:D:D

7

I am impressed with your ability to repeatedly stop in mid-stream. I often find that a great challenge.

8

Not sure which is funnier, the OP or the Nature Calling remark. Thanks, I needed that. :smiley:

9

I do it all the time. Is it harder for males to stop mid-stream?

10

Ditto goes for me. Laughter is good.

11

Two words:

Kegel Exercise.

12

I can stop mid-stream if I didn’t have to go really, really bad to begin with. But if I’ve been waiting for a couple hours, the flood gates have been opened, my friend…there’s no turning back.

13

Indeed. This makes other activities using that region more pleasurable. Everyone should do them.

14

I had to google that Kegel Exercise. Sounds as though it could allow one to control flow.

Yes, I find it difficult to stop mid stream, especially when I have to go bad. It was a game of mine when I was younger, trying to stop the flow because the fate of loved ones depended on it. Weird little game.

15

The flinch caused by having a phone or pager on vibrate is known as “beeperlepsy.” :smiley:

16

Anyone can do that.

The true challenge lies in the ability to suck the last 10 drops back in. :smiley:

17

Not really, just pinch it! :stuck_out_tongue:

Oh, this reminds me of a story my brother told me. I don’t know how true it is because he himself heard it from someone else…

Apparently, a man and his wife were in the middle of a long road trip and, while driving down the road, the man decides that he has to go to the bathroom. Instead of pulling over (he was making great time!) he decides to go in a cup. He has his wife hold the wheel while he proceeds to piss in the only available container, a small coffee cup. The cup wasn’t big enough to hold all much, so he would have to pinch it off, and dump the contents out the window, then “refill” the cup until he was empty…at least that was the plan. So he fills up the cup and pinches it off to stop the flow. He carefully goes to dump the cup out the window, but as he does, clips the cup on the doors edge. Through force of habit, he puts his other hand under cup. As a result, he is now hosing down the inside of his car, his wife, himself, all will driving down the highway with another full cup of piss in his hands. Way to go.

18

How about when you have the full-fledged “Holyshitacrazedsquirrelisinmypocket!!!” thrashing followed by the “Oh, it was just the phone.”?

Not that that ever happens to me. Especially not in class or anything…

19

Richard Pryor has a whole bit on this topic in one of his standup films. Absolutely hilarious.

And since I saw it when I was a kid (my dad was a big fan, and it rubbed off), I was inspired to try this myself. With a little effort, I acquired a skill that has lasted my whole life. I can shut off the stream instantly at a moment’s notice and hold it as long as I need to.

Maybe not something that goes on the ol’ resume, but… then again maybe it is. :cool:

20

This has to be the funniest response I’ve seen. If you are not a member, because you can’t pay, I’ll cover it.