I’m simply heartbroken. I had just traded in my battered old Bactrian for a sporty new dromedary like 4 days ago and was really enjoying the sportier ride, graceful lines and smoother lope of my new one-humper when this bozo on a water buffalo charges through a red light and smashes right into me. Water everywhere. My poor camel was destroyed instantly but the buffalo, of course waddled off without so much as a scratch.
And now I’m screwed because you can’t get camel insurance in the US, I can’t afford a replacement, and the guy with the buffalo just trotted off and left me in the intersection—I’ll never be able to track him down.
So for now I have to cruise around on a borrowed alpaca. I loathe alpacas. My father was mauled by alpacas, as a consequence he couldn’t bring himself to leave the house and had to make a living detangling spider webs for the rest of his life.
I really don’t know what to do, I’m sorry for coming in here and dumping on everyone like this, but I just needed to vent.
It’s election season. Yak is cheap. Maybe you should try a yak. I’d wouldn’t walk a mile for a camel, but I’d jog a few hundred yards for a good yak. And I like saying yak. Yak yak yak.
While you two yak, I’ll horn in. I have a beef: why the heck don’t sheepherders have better lane discipline? They end up all the flock all over the place, and you either have to bull your way through or just wait until they mooove. That really gets my goat.
BTW, Inigo Montoya, if you really want to replace the alpaca, you may want to check with olivesmarch4th. I understand she has access to a top-of-the-line lama.
I had something happen once that I daresay was worse. I had a dromedary that was a couple of years old, but still had plenty of good miles in her – and better yet, she was paid for. So I’m stopped at a light, when some idiot kangaroo, not watching where he’s going and rummaging around in his pouch for a pack of cigarettes, bumps into her from behind. Just nudges her! From the outside, you could hardly see anything wrong – just a slight bleeding scratch on her left hind hoof.
No big deal, right? Only I made the mistake of calling my insurance company. The adjuster looks at her, and says right off, “She’ll have to be totaled.” I’m like, “No way!” but he’s like, “Yep, a kangaroo’s toenails are full of bacteria. Your dromedary could be dead before nightful of sepsis. I’m afraid I’m going to have to declare her totaled, because she’s uninsurable at this point.”
I’m pissed, but what can I do? I get the Blue Book value for her, which was about $6,000. And because I need transportation, I go out and buy a used emu. What a hell of a mistake! But that’s a story for another day.
Since the baboon crashed his Llama into my 4 paw drive Wolfhound I have been riding a full sized Asian pachyderm. The only problem is the mice drawn carriages (he panic’s), and it gets terrible miles per peanut. That and the poop
Speaking of Australia, sorry to hear you went for the 'mu there Sal. I never did get the Australian attraction for bipedal locomotion. Can you say b’oy’ng? I had an uncle try to sell me his Emu when I first started driving, damn thing bit me! He ended up having to sell it to red Robin, just so you know they’re not completely useless.
Just got a call from a friend who says he’s got an old Ibex he’s restored, says I’m welcome to it until I get back on something else’s feet. I might take him up on it. It’s an ungulant though, I never could get the hang of them but it’s gotta be better than this dorky looking alpaca.
