You are! You are! 
Cutting off communication from your Mom is the best thing for you to do right now. It takes alot of strength to do that. You may have to change phone numbers and email addresses if things get worse. It takes ALOT of poise and strength to do that. If you need someone to lean on, you can count on your girlfriend, and us here too.
Not to be mean or anything, but after the first 5 or 6, did someone not suggest to him that it might be him? 
Fionn, you’re gonna be just fine. You’ve obviously got a good head on your shoulders.
Fionn, I’m very impressed with you. You seem to think that your strength is typical, but most strong-willed people seem to think that. I am glad you have it, though.
I am so sorry that your family has taken this road. Just consider me another voice of support in all of this.
Fionn it’s just shitty how your parents and family (except for the bro and SIL. YAY THEM!) have acted. I’m glad you got yourself a car. Those are good cars. Da squeeze, whom I have named on the board as ACBG (A Certain Burly Gentleman, for those of you who have yet again forgotten how important it is to keep up with the minutiae of my life) has an Elantra as his work car. He heads up a Home Health Agency but still as a part of his job sees patients, so an economical everyday car is a good thing. Ummm… I had a point here… let’s see… Oh Yeah!
I am proud of how you have held up. You are doing great and are going to come through this even stronger and better than you already are. You have no idea how lesbians and gays who come after you are going to read back on this and look to you for inspiration. All I can say is Good For You!
My coming out to the parents and family was a gradual thing. It kind of just happened over time. Fortunately for me what they saw was a son and brother who is stable, own his own, doing well, and no big deal. Here’s hoping (and believing) that your own parents will see that in you. I just know they will Fionn.
Its not about you at all. Its about them. You cant help them work it out .They have to do it on their own at their own time,if ever.So wait for them to come around. If they dont appreciate all the conflict you have avoided.
I am appalled by what I read here. Speaking as a mother–how can someone do that to their child? That defies explanation. So much for unconditional love. So, you are not the baby girl that they read to, and carried to bed and sent to your room and bought you extra ice cream? How are you not that little girl? How are you not the young woman of whom they were so proud? How is that now a lie?
I don’t understand.
Now, that is not to say that I would throw a party if one of my kids comes out in future. Would I grieve? Of course I would–not because of the homosexuality, but because it is a tough road they must travel, if shit like this still happens. I am also selfish enough to want grandkids, but wise enough to know that that is not up to me.
Anway, grieving is an emotion and emotions aren’t rational, usually. Disappointment, anger, sadness, fear, anxiety–all feelings. NONE of them should dictate behavior or change the underlying love that a parent feels for a child.
I am sorry, but I don’t think your parents are good parents. Shock is one thing–but they have gone waaaaay beyond shock here. There is a mean-spirited, nasty tone to their acts here. I would be careful, if I were you.
Do you think it might be generational? I know my Dad is somewhat homophobic-he is 75. Or is it years of messed interpretations of Jesus’ love that drives them? Or both?
I don’t know what you’re going through, and I imagine that some days are better than others. Holidays might be hard–thank goodness for your brother and SIL. Appreciate them, without putting them in the middle, if you can.
I am sorry you are going through this. I wish I could help in some way.
It’s probably both. My parents have never been broad-minded people. They are religious enough to watch the broadcasts from a Houston megachurch, but not enough to actually read the Bible, study its deeper meanings or pay attention to any parts of the Bible they don’t agree with.
Really?
I’m not ashamed to say that the times that my father (a vindictive drunk, truth be told) shut me out because, well, he was a vindictive drunk… …it completely wrecked me.
I can think of a half-dozen logical reasons why I might have expected to handle it as well as or better than you have been handling your situation, but I’m not at all surprised that I didn’t, because that kind of shit is ugly and painful.
The remarkable aplomb with which you are handling this crisis is (without hyperbole) inspiring.
Fionn, I only have one question.
How in hell did you and your brother ever turn out so normal being raised by an extended tribe of lunatics like this? Change your phone number and email addresses immediately. Take a year or two to think about whether you ever want to hear from them again.
Whoohoo! Congratulations!
Look at this in a positive way. Being independent of your parents is a great thing. When I became indepenent it was a great thing because you have a lot more self-respect. You always knew you could make it on your own, but now you’ll actually show yourself.
As for your parents, tell them this, “You have a couple of options. Either accept me or lose me forever. I don’t need your bullshit nagging all the time and I don’t need parents who don’t love me. If you keep screwing with me, I’ll change my number, email, and whatever necessecary to never hear from you again.”
Because seriously, who the fuck needs that? I don’t know what your relationship with your parents before was, but see the great thing is that you have that off your back now. You knew it wouldn’t go well and that it’d have to be done some day. You aren’t going to be straight so if they can’t get used to it dump them. You have no obligation to them at all. Obviously parents put a lot of effort and love into their kids lives but the thing is if they only offer conditional love then they are in the parenting business for self-serving purposes. Great thing that you have a supportive brother. At least you’ll have some of your family still around. What about your girlfriend? Is she out to her family? Are they supportive? They can possibly offer a way to fill that gap. Anyway, I’m happy for you that you’re rid of those assholes. Sorry that they may mean well in their own deluded way, but really that’s not the point.
{{{{{Fionn}}}}}
I’m so sorry to hear that you have to go through this.
Is his name Henry, or maybe Ivan? 
I nominate this for understatement of the century.
I continue to disagree with the people telling you to cut off all communications with your family, move, change your phone and email, etc.
That’s what criminals do, and Fionna has done nothing wrong!
The only reason for her to hide like that would be if she needs to avoid the drama & hysterics from her family, but Fionna seems quite self-possed & capable enough to handle this.
It’s easy enough to erase phone messages that are nasty, and either not answer the phone, or during the call, say “this conversation is becoming rude & insulting. Call back when you’ve calmed down enough to discuss this reasonably” and then hang up.
I say she should continue to act like the adult in this situation, and let them be the ones to throw the childish tantrums. Let them cut off communication with her if they want, she should continue to act in a proper manner. Eventually, everyone sensible will see just who is causing all this drama in the family. (In fact, it seems like her brother & sister-in-law have already done so.)
Again, Fionna, think back to what age you first thought about this, and then what age you finally told yourself “I am a lesbian”. It took you that many years to adjust to this; give your parents that same amount of time to adjust.
I think the reason people are recommending Fionn cut off all contact is because there seemed to be a real possibility of her parents attempting an intervention-deprogramming type abduction.
Normally I’d agree that if her brother & SIL are accepting and supportive of her coming out, then it’s just a matter of time for mom & dad to eventually come around, and there’s no need to cut off all contact. Just give them a cooling off period, and don’t waste your own emotional energy listening to the hurtful things the parents are going to dredge up in the meantime.
Wha-? Two Moderators?! I didn’t know this was this kind of place! I’m leaving!
stomp stomp stomp stomp creeeeak SLAM!
I think the issue is not whether or not she can – I think we’re all reasonable sure she’s perfectly capable of handling herself with superior grace and dignity – but that she should have to at all. Doing as she did took enough guts and is causing quite enough pain as it is. There’s no reason she should have to continue to endure that. She is simply exposing herself to more abuse for no good reason – even if it’s abuse she just deletes before it really gets doing, it’s still there. Her parents are certainly still in the heat of the moment, of course, but that’s just all the more reason to give them time to cool off. If she continues to make herself available to them as a wailing wall – even just in the capacity of letting them think their childish tantrums and messages are having any effect on her at all – then she just feeds the flames of their disappointment and prejudice. Far better as far as I’m concerned to cut herself off from them and give them plenty of time and space without her to consider their actions – and better to do it sooner than later. Such space and time away from any form of contact with her would deprive them of the object of their ire, forcing them either to bitch at her in effigy or swallow it. Once they’ve gotten over the whole “Why did you do this to me/how could you treat us like this/you were brainwashed/you need to fix this” phase then maybe – just maybe – they might start to think a little more rationally on the subject. Then maybe some useful dialog can begin, and perhaps even a little healing.
Actually, the reason I suggest she cuts off contact is that I believe her parents do love her. The thing is, love can be kind of sick. And as long as she has that kind of direct contact with her parents, they won’t feel disconnected from her.
Especially insofar as telephones. Leaving a voice message is almost as good as talking to someone in person, it lets you communicate with them. Cut that. Reduce it to text at best, and don’t reply.
Make them want to hear your voice. Make it a treat, make it a treasure. If you can get your brother and… was it a sister? to cut them off for a while, to just refuse to carry messages to you from them, it’s even better.
Then, on a birthday or holiday, call. Tell them you love them. See what happens. It may work. At the least, it’ll save you pain in the meantime.
On preview, what Minefield said.
[must admit that I didn’t read all the replies before posting]
Hopefully I can offer you a bit of hope:
My partner’s parents reacted fairly horribly, telling her she was “straying from the correct path” and making bad choices, refusing to meet me, refusing to see her for several months, refusing to call the house, sending “loving” letters telling her how wrong it all was.
It sucked a lot. Especially for my partner, who was exceedingly patient with them, and always made an effort to not let her anger over this issue destroy her relationship with her parents.
BUT … they came around. Slowly. After two years, they managed to listen to her mention me without gasping. After three years, they suggested that they would be interested in meeting me. After they met me (her Dad backed out the first try), things are getting even better.
And best of all—this is what most of our gay acquiantances said would happen. That it nearly always gets better with time.
So don’t lose hope, but give them lots of time and patience…
I seriously doubt that they would. I think by now they’re fully aware that I wouldn’t tolerate that bullshit.
Mom’s been sending me the same e-mail over and over, with additions each time. I guess she must have saved it and is now cutting and pasting.
In the latest incarnation, she’s now complaining that this has devastated my grandparents, and for the first time my grandfather has actually said he’s glad my grandmother is dead, so she doesn’t have to know this. I’ve resisted replying each time, but this time I was hugely attempted to reply “That’s why I didn’t want to tell them yet, you stupid fuck! They’d be fine right now if you didn’t have to have a drama queen moment and out me to them.”
Some ISPs allow you to set vacation messages or even bounce emails from some addresses. I’d consider that.
You beat me to it! I was about to recommend putting a block on the mother’s email address, and probably Fionn’s sister’s too, since sis is taking the hysterical-fury side in this drama.
That still leaves the phone and snail* mail, of course, but it does cut off one convenient form of communication sharply, precisely, and without requiring a personal “leave me alone” confrontation.