Timely thread for me as well. See how not alone you are? It’s a comfort, in a way, for me.
We’ve been passively trying for 7 years and actively trying for 2. I’m finally in with an infertility doctor (took almost a year, yay Canada health care) and have just done all the blood tests and am getting in for an HSG. I guess we’ll see what happens after that.
I’m at the point of not thinking about it too much. I stopped temping and focusing on trying to get pregnant about three months ago, and am just getting back into that now.
Good luck to all of you in this thread, and thanks to the rest of you for sharing your stories.
ETA: I have a very regular cycle, my temp’s show regular ovulation. I’ve had two miscarriages in the last three years.
The point at which I got over this was when we asked ourselves “do we want to be pregnant, or do we want to be parents?” I know that there are people for whom the pregnancy experience is really important, or the genetic material is really important - more important than parenting and so they decide not to adopt. I can completely respect that. But my kids are now nine and ten. And the second one is a bio child. Pregnancy is such a short, fleeting part of being a parent - yeah, its a great experience (ok, I was miserable, I was a horrible pregnant person). It isn’t that if you adopt you’ll shed all envy for pregnant women (well, I did, but as I said, I was a miserable pregnant person - it wasn’t the adoption that cured me of the envy - it was being the size of a beached whale and exhausted - oh, and the borderline liver damage from pregnancy, fortunately, livers heal). You will give up something adopting (and something more than the thousands of dollars it costs) - I’ve yet to talk to an adoptive parent who thinks that they gave up very much.
(Ditto for breastfeeding, btw - I was a lousy breastfeeder. But I did it. And it was such a brief period of time in my daughter’s development. I can’t really regret not having been able to do it for my son.)
That totally stinks - I am sorry. What I can tell you is that there are a number of websites, message boards, etc. that focus on infertility. I am not involved with actively surfing them or anything, so I am concerned that I may not steer you to the most popular or best for your needs - but:
There is a website sponsored by INCIID, I think - An international group
There are two websites by Infertility Associations - RESOLVE and the AFA (American Infertility Association)
Women’s sites like iVillage have pages focused on Women’s Health and Infertility issues.
To my understanding there is a wealth of resources our there - books on navigating infertility issues (Conceptions and Misconceptions by Wisot; The Infertility Survival Guide by Elizabeth Swire Falker and a number of others…). The bottom line is that, when you are ready, there are a number of ways to educate yourself, clarify your options, commiserate and talk through things with other folks who may share some or all of your situation - and to access experts (some Docs, Fertility/Donor/Adoption Lawyers and other experts hold webinars, etc.) and feel like you have more control over your situation.
Sorry I can’t help more right now - I have to fight some fires at work before I take off for vacation for a couple of weeks. But there are typically more options than a person first realizes - and some research and engaging on line can be a great way to see if that is true for you.
To follow up WordMan’s post, for those of you that are in the middle of all of this, or just starting out, this has been one of my best resouces for finding out ‘soft’ information (i.e. not hardcore medical information, more a jumping off point for people in our position). It’s a little confusing to start with, but there is a lot of good info and links to other blogs.
There is a big community out there, and although I’m not a active participant, I found just reading other people stories increadibly beneficial. It is an amazingly compassionate community too, and it definitely made me feel less alone. No one in my real life understood, but, by god, I was not alone.
Been there. Not a good place. We went through about 2.5 years of heavy-duty infertility treatment (total of 8 cycles with injectibles, 4 IVF, etc.). I was fortunate that there was a mind/body program for infertility patients nearby and I was able to take it. It helped a lot. I remember the counselor saying that women undergoing infertility treatments have the same rate of depression as cancer patients. I believe it.
Hugs to everyone going through it right now. The good news is that infertility treatment has come a long way and they are coming up with new treatments all the time.
I hated it when people would say, “Just relax and you’ll get pregnant!” Like infertility was my fault for being upset about the fact that I would probably never have a biological child. For the record, I never relaxed and I did eventually have a biological child.
For your particular program it may be true. It is not true for many if not most shared risk programs. RE’s do not like to work with POF or women with high FSH because the success rates aren’t very good unless you use donor eggs.
Here’s an online support group for this issue:
There’s some very useful information in the forums there.
Got it. And yes, different RE’s and programs have different criteria that can include age, FSH levels and BMI. Some offer a variety of programs with varying prices based on similar criteria. There is no set template for how the programs work - all the more reason to do research. But the fundamental concept of approaching IVF as a multi-cycle course of care is smart clinically and, according to women who enroll in the programs, emotionally/psychologically because they don’t have everything riding on that. one. chance.