So, I've decided to go Mad with Power...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

The boss has gone on holidays for a bit, and left me in charge of the store.

This doesn’t happen very often, so I’ve decided to go mad with power (because, as we all know, you can’t go mad without power- it’s boring; no-one listens to you ;))

Of course, there’s only so much Sitting In The Swivel Chair Of Plotting and making The Finger Pyramid of Evil Contemplation one can do before the novelty wears off, so I need some suggestions on how I can make the most of my brief sojourn as a successful Megalomaniac. :smiley:

Naturally, I don’t want to do anything illegal or that would get me fired, but otherwise I’d like to hear ideas on how I can exploit the “Mad with Power” thing for my own amusement.

Entries on the back of a postcard to the usual address…*

*10 points if you immediately thought “Blackmail, Behind the Hot Water Pipes, Third Washroom Along, Victoria Station, London” :slight_smile:

2

Well, if I had free run of my boss’ office, the first thing I’d do is look and see what’s in all of those little drawers anyway. Doesn’t that make you crazy, wondering?

3

wanton misuse of the intercom / phone system

distribute new name tags for all employees with nicknames (little bunny foo-foo; snuggle bear; cutsie-poo; came back / brought pie). threaten with punishment or a note “in their file” if they don’t wear them.

create “files” on them. periodically leave them where they can read the files. include lines in every file on how they are planning on revolting and you must enlist better guardians of truth to save yourself

tell them all about new management directives. everything from how they have to wear “colors” (handkerchiefs tied on their arms or worn on their heads) to symbolize team building, to new “signs” (for each department, or, if it’s a small company, each person) to symbolize how teams are built of individuals.

encourage gang warfare.

have “council meetings” where everyone has to speak to a large tiki-doll

speak in Pig Latin; when they reply in Pig Latin, start speaking “Obenglobish” (Which is where you insert ‘ob’ before every vowel in a word.) When they catch on and start replying back in Obenglobish, immediately call them childish and run into the office.

Talk only in movie quotes for a day

(I think I’d be an awesome power-mad boss!)

4

Have them all address you as ‘O Wonderous and Powerful, All Knowing Leader’.

Change the letterhead, include your photo.

Give them all an extra 30mins for lunch one day, (to ensure their loyalty).

Buy them all ice cream treats for their afternoon break one day.

On payday, give them each a candy bar with their paychecks, it’ll confuse them.

When fielding phone calls make sure to shower every caller with exuberant praise - no matter what they want.

When your boss gets back he will hear nothing but praise for the magnificent job you did. You’ll be promoted in no time.

(I’m make a great power mad temporary boss, you gotta admit!)

5

Whatever you do, 1920s Style Death Rays are a must, this season.
No respectable Megalomaniac would be seen without one.

6

Have you got a proper mustache to twirl?

7

Living store displays!

8

Turn on the fucking LIGHTS. She claims they make the office too warm. Well, maybe, as she gets the only window.

9

If your intentions are malign, matching red jumpsuits*; if benign, coordinated polyester outfits, with the peons in red**. Either way, it’s “today, the store; tomorrow, the world!” You, of course, will always be dapper in either the latest in Italian haute couteur, or a gold-and-black polyester outfit or, perhaps, in a '60’s-style Nehru suit. Your pick.

  • As in a '60’s or '70’s James Bond Evil Overlord plot. You’ll also need to considerably expand and glam up your base of operations (i.e., lair), and have a hair-brained plot to destroy or rule or extort beaucoup bucks from the world, but I assume you already know that.

** As in the original Star Trek, with the red-suited ones always ending up with “Bones” hovering over them with his body-scanner in hand, intoning sadly, “he’s dead, Jim”.

10

I just wanted to compliment you on your choice to go mad with power. You ever gone mad without power? It’s boring, no one listens to you!

11

I totally disagree. You are unnecessarily restricting yourself if you’re unwilling to consider going mad without power. Most people who go mad do so without power. With good reason.

First, you’ll find that other people listening, or merely existing, is surprisingly annoying to the mad you. You will have all the listeners, and all the voices, you ever need, inside your own head.

Plus, you can imagine all the power and more you will ever need. Real life power is overrated. I mean, in the RW your boss leaving will give you the power to maybe change the dress code, or even fire someone. But in your head, you can obliterate whole galaxies of inadequate worshippers.

12

There have been some great suggestions here, keep them coming!

Today, I told the 3IC that his nickname was now “Wiggles”, and when one of the casuals asked if they could go to lunch, I replied: “Certainly. If you can give me a reason why I should let you without using the letter E.”

He went away and thought about for a minute it then came back with “I am hungry and want food”. I couldn’t argue with that, so I let him have his lunch with a hand-wave and a “Very well.”

I have also taken to bidding “Make it so” when thethat the staff should come to me with courses of action.

Reviewing the sales figures and asking which budget line covers the rocket-fuel has been fun too. :smiley:

13

Hungry has an e sound, so you should have sent him / her back to try again. That’s what power does to a man. Makes them eeeeeeeevil to the minions.

I am assuming someone is bringing you coffee every hour (like good minions should)? If so, then they must make it better than the last coffee they brought you. By the end of the week you’ll be enjoying coffee from the gods or they will have killed you, or you’ll be hanging from the rafters hyped up on caffeine.

Every time someone wants to speak to you they must quote a line from Shakespeare. It must not be the same line that anyone else has used that day. Encourage the minions to discuss their Shakespeare lines amongst themselves lest they repeat one that has already been used.

Someone must kneel down before you and you must use them as a foot stool. Preferably in the morning team meeting. If you have a team meeting in the morning, everyone must present you with a donut. Each donut must be different.

The minions must refer to you by your name choice of the day. You get to decide what they will call you. You must not tell them what they must call you. They must guess. If they guess wrong they owe you a donut. Change your mind as often as necessary to accumulate many, many donuts.

Donuts that are unconsumed at the end of the day can be given to the minions. It will encourage them to buy higher quality donuts (or so they think). You must eat all the high quality donuts and leave the crappy cinnamon donuts for the plebians to consume at night.

If you cannot consume all the good donuts during the day, sneeze on them and eat them tomorrow.

Look at everyone’s lunch. Pick and choose the good bits and leave the dreck to the minions. If someone has a soft drink, express disgust at them drinking so much sugar and consume half of their drink and tell them they need to go on a diet anyway. Sneeze on the remainder.

If computers factor into your work, take the best one.

If customrs factor into your work, play games with the customer and when they get all upset with the way that you’re treating them, hand them off to your “supervisor” (i.e. a minion) and let the minion deal with the grief.

If you have access to a corporate purchase card, go nuts. Buy cool things like 1920’s style death rays and trips to the Mariana trench. Blame the minions when things get out of control.

That should keep you busy for a while.

14

Well, I was making a Simpsons reference. But actually, one of my favorite historical figures went mad without power and managed to do very well for himself.

15
  1. Bring a large white cat to work and pet it.
  2. Look wild eyed whenever someone enters the room.
  3. Compulsivley knead three large steel marbles
  4. Randomly ask people if they took your strawberries
  5. Whenever someone disagrees with you shout "Mutiny, Mister Christian? Mutiny?
16

Come to work wearing an immaculately-tailored Mao suit, preferably in gray or khaki.

Alternatively, jackboots, jodphurs, an ascot, a beret, and a riding crop.

Oh, and the cat furryman mentioned should be a white Persian, with one blue eye and one amber eye.

17

Be good to your Minions, for when the boss returns, the best compliments you can hope for are them saying quietly “I wish _____ was back in charge again…”

Encourage that sort of behavior. And always leave a back door for yourself to get back into power somehow.

18

Install a giant viewscreen behind a sliding panel to allow you to look on any point in the world that you happen to want to destroy.

19

Oh ghod, if you can pull this off, it’ll make you a legend…

Have one of your friends call a couple times. Have them leave mysterious messages for you, either in ‘code’, or from some odd place (get a recording of ‘Will you accept the collect person-to-person call from Merovia?’ and have him play it before speaking.)

Get more and more upset about these messages, but refuse to talk about it.

About an hour before the end of work, have the friend come in, looking trully nervous, and have him say (loudly) “You can’t do this. You just can’t!”

Smile evilly and say, “But I already have.”

Laugh maniacally as he panics and runs from the office.

Refuse to speak about it again.

20

Is it too late to start a glorious revolutionary uprising?