So I've had a shit time...

The BBQ Pit
1

Before last Thursday morning, I was a happy man. I was healthy, fit and in peak condition for my martial arts grading on Sunday. My girlfriend was the same.

Diary of events:
Thursday morning: crush little finger in door-jamb
Friday: finger turns black. Intense pain. Hole drilled in fingernail by unsympathetic hospital nurse. Oh yeah, and I caught a cold. Girlfriend violently ill.
Saturday: More pain from little finger. Take off dressing; fingernail has turned black. Girlfriend sleeps all day.
Sunday: More pain. Watch all the other lucky, healthy sods who can grade for their next belt in Taekwondo (I can’t because I cannot make a fist with my left hand). Girlfriend ill and depressed.
Monday morning 02:30: Violently sick for about 7 hours solid. Doctor arrives, injects me in the ass and tells me to eat bananas. I hate bananas.

It’s now Tuesday and I am gradually losing the will to live. I’ve stopped feeling sick, my girlfriend’s back to normal, and my finger only hurts a tiny bit now that the nail has popped off. However, this can only mean that the next lot of bad shit is on the way.

I think that maybe someone noticed how great my life was and decided to put me under a gypsy curse.

So in the event that someone reads this post, can they offer me any light at the end of the tunnel?

2

If it makes you feel any better, you don’t have to eat the bananas. The doc suggested it because he doesn’t want your potassium to get too low. Orange juice is another good source of potassium.

On the other hand, if you potassium DOES get too low, your heartbeat will become irregular and you might go into cardiac arrest.

Hey! What’s that fluttering sensation in your chest?!?

3

In about sixty years or so, you’ll be dead.

4

Holy shit, bro’! Don’t give up so easily! Sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down, no sense in only seeing the dark side.

5

At least your girlfriend’s not pregnant…

6

How the hell did you type “banana” with that fucked-up left pinky finger?

You might just be able to go a while without typing “q”'s and “z”'s, but try without the “a”.