So, just exactly how evil am I? Long story...

The BBQ Pit
1

I use pot medicinally. State law allows it with a medical card. Federally, not legal as you all know. With or without a card, my employer would not have hired me had they known this, so I didn’t tell them.

I really hate that I feel the need to defend my use of this product. If I drank myself to sleep with wine or beer, or used Prozac or whatever, I wouldn’t be writing this. But, I don’t like the taste of beer or wine. I’ve tried Prozac and Wellbuterin and several other prescription medicines with terrible side effects. Weight gain, heart palpitations, numbness. You get the picture.

Now maybe I’m just making excuses or my judgment is impaired and I don’t realize it, but all of the following statements are true.

I’m not just some 16 year old kid trying to catch a buzz. I’m a boring 55 year old woman. Pot alleviates almost all of the terrible symptoms of menopause that have plagued me for years. I mean, my previous user name was raginghormonal. I’ve had that name for years, so I’m not just making this shit up. The night sweats, hot flashing and insomnia was so bad, I could barely function. I went to my Doctor and because both my mom and my first cousin both had breast cancer, he and I agreed that hormone therapy was not a good option for me. That’s when we tried the several different medicines I mentioned earlier. With no luck.

So I did a lot of research and learned that pot helped some women. So, I tried it and it helped. God, the relief. I could sleep for 6 hours. It stopped the flashing almost 100%.

I am not sitting around sniffing incense, staring at psychedelic pictures and saying “wow” when I smoke. I am simply functioning better. Now, I am not denying that this product can be used to lighten up, de-stress, have fun, kill boredom or whatever. And I’m also not claiming that I have never used it for any or all of the above reasons, but it is the exception and not the rule. I’m not out partying. I’m just home, not sweating through my bedclothes. And I know from experience that you can not tell I’ve smoked if you don’t know it.

But now, my “dirty little secret is out” and I fee like a pariah. It may cost me my job, it could hurt my efforts to open a small business in this small little town. My sister has judged me as a disappointment. I have no idea how a dirty drug test will affect my future job seeking if it comes to that.

Fuck me, I feel like I kicked every puppy and kitty in the world. So, if anyone out there has stuck around and read all this shit, thank you and what do you think? Should I just slit my fucking wrist now cause I’m an evil woman or what? I mean, my own sister thinks badly of me, what possible fucking chance do I have with others? SHIT…

2

I have nothing against DOMESTIC pot. I don’t like it…prefer booze, and find pot makes me stupid, forgetful, and I have asthma. It also stinks. That said domestic weed removes the whole cartel crazy factor of drugs in general. An organic mushroom is harder to raise than weed.
-Hey atl least you can get it legally in your state. There’s quite a few countries in the world where a beer is a serious lashing. Or chew gum in Singapore.

3

It sounds to me like the problem is not you, but the people around you. Do your employer and sister get that you use it for medical reasons?

Or could it be that you’re projecting your own insecurities onto them? That sounds kind of likely.

4

So, you think I’m pretty evil then? I’m just kidding, or trying to anyway. I won’t attempt to chew gum in Singapore. I think beer and booze smells pretty bad too.

Thank you for your response.

5

I’m sorry you’re having such a horrible time. I wonder, though, if you’ve suffered menopause symptoms for quite some time, shouldn’t they be ending soon? It’s of finite length, if I understand correctly.

Where’s WhyNot been lately? She’s a good resource for this kind of info.

6

My mother still gets hot flashes, and it’s been 20 years since her hysterectomy.

7

Thank you TDN. It is very likely that I’m projecting some. I do suffer from some insecurities.

My sister may not know the extent that it helps me medically, since we aren’t close. She did tell me she is disappointed in me. Her reasons may not be solely because of this. We so have issues.

My employer is mulling over what to do with me, I think. Initially, my direct supervisors said it would not be a problem. They are happy with me and all, but I think they made that decision without talking to the owners. So, I’m on hold and free to imagine the worst.

Thanks for your response TDN. Really, I so need to get out of my own head on this.

8

Two questions:

Do you have a MM card? (You implied that you did.)

Can you get a note from your doctor, or show your employer your card?

It seems to me that if you frame it as a medical issue, your employer would have a lot less leverage.

And screw your sister.

9

Thank you Ellen Cherry. I really don’t know if the symptoms have an end date or not.
They were still bad 8 months ago. I can’t even remember when they all started. The hot flashing started about two and half years ago, I think.

10

In my medical opinion, pot is a very problematic ‘medicinal’ drug. There are vanishingly few disorders for which it has been scientifically shown to be safe and effective (and those few disorders tend to be associated with terminal diagnoses such as end-stage HIV and cancer). Its basic effect is to be a primary mood elevator, which means you take it, and in 5 minutes, it’s made you feel euphoric, even if you have no good reason to feel euphoric.

It’s the euphoria and associated pleasure/reward center stimulation that makes most people’s symptoms improve on the drug, not any corrective or modifying action on the cause of the symptoms.

And when the euphoria wears off, the symptoms tend to return. Which in turn requires more dosing, more primary mood elevation, and other associated psycho-active effects.

As tolerance kicks in, many patients report that the drug becomes less and less effective over time, requiring higher dosages with less relief. A common complaint is that they’re in about as much discomfort as they were before, and they’re moderately impaired by the effects of the drug.

Lots of folks find themselves stuck in these dilemmas.

That doesn’t mean they’re evil.

11

That’s probably not going to help as much as the pot :smiley:

OP What kind of work do you do that THC would impair you to the point of being unable to perform? I mean, if you work in a prison or are a bus driver or something I could see how you might should be concerned. But if you’re not in a position in which your deviant, sinful, unAmerican behavior directly threatens the safety of others then I think you’ve got a good medical-necessity defense.

And how did your little secret get out? Did you shoot yourself in the foot or did someone rat on you?

Respectfully: any opinions about how even temporary relief from symptoms might be beneficial?

12

I’m not sure what the rules are for posting about pot use, so I was trying to leave the answer to your first question a little vague. But, the answer to your second question is no. I don’t even have a doctor at present.

I don’t know if I even care about keeping my job. I’m so fucking embarrassed, I’m not sure I ever want to face anyone ever again anyway.

Oh, I can be a silly ass. Thanks again TDN. I’m just feeling a little friendless and a lot idiotic. I guess I’m throwing myself a little pity party and sent all of you invitations.

13

Qadgop, Thank you for your expertise. I do respect you a great deal and will take what you’ve said into consideration.

Inigo, I am not impaired at all. At least I don’t think I am. I’ve never missed a day of work or been late. My latest review was glowing. I do bookkeeping. I’m not “stoned” at work.

I shot myself in the foot.

14

I think if I were you I’d take a step back.

Reading your posts, it sounds like you have built a minor vice into a REALLY BIG SECRET. Now that your really big secret is out, your life is RUINED.

From the outside, it looks like you found a substance that helped you deal with some physical symptoms (even if only psychologically: I know nothing about the science), and kind of embraced it but felt guilty about it. Now you’re dealing with a bunch of small-minded parochial people who only see the world in black and white, and they’ve moved you from their “fine” category to their “eeeevil” category.

You know what that kind of people love more than looking down their noses? A good redemption story. Tell them how you were led into wicked habits by terrible physical pain, but now you want to come clean. Ask for their help. You can confirm their worst fears about how insidious marijuana is and at the same time let them feel really smug and keep your job.

You haven’t done much that’s terribly wrong. Would this course of action be hypocritical? You bet. Is that a bad thing? I don’t think so. These people haven’t earned the right to know your true self, but you still have to live with them.

15

How is your secret out and how did you shoot yourself in the foot? Did I miss something here? Did you spill your own beans on this one? What would have prompted that?

Sorry to hear that people are judgmental shits, but let’s face it, people are judgmental shits. I don’t think any less of people that smoke pot, their journey, their decisions. And the people I know don’t have good excuses!

16

That’s unfortunate. For what it’s worth (and coming from me it may be very little) I reckon the world at large to be evil and judgmental, but you’ve never struck me as such. As a fellow number-cruncher I’d have to say pot should be part of your compensation package just to keep you from going funny from all the math.

17

Thank you Dr. Drake. I think you’ve done a good job of summing things up.
This is why I started the thread…to help me see this better. I am often very hard on myself. I don’t see myself clearly, I don’t think.

Otternell, you didn’t miss anything. I accidentally outed myself, but did not post the details. I feel stupid enough without that story.

Inigo, I appreciate your kindness. And I guess I like the way you think.

18

I’m gathering from the bits and pieces here that you don’t have a medical card, oui? I would suggest shelling out the $50 or however much it is in your neck of the woods, getting one, and seeing if that doc will write up a little something with his recommendation. Show that to your employer if this does become a big thing.

19

It sounds like you need to spend less time feeling sorry for yourself and more time getting a doctor and getting your medical card in order. Marijuana use is only barely legal under a doctor’s supervision. If you want to keep this job and/or get another one, you need to get your documentation in order. Your relative evilness is the least of your problems.

20

Thank you Diosa, but it sounds like I may be kidding myself that there really is any medicinal benefit. It is being suggested by the voices in my head, that perhaps I need to look into some counseling.

I usually ignore these voices cause they are usually telling me to kill people that litter or do graffiti, but maybe I need to heed them this time. (sigh) Thanks again.

I’m only kidding about the voices. I think.