So my MIL wants to be at the sonogram...

MrJesus and I are having our second sonogram next week and his mother wants to be included. We’ve called the hospital, and they told us as long as we don’t bring a horde of people, one extra person in the radiology room shouldn’t be a problem.

So why am I slightly skeeved out by this? I like my MIL…we don’t exactly luuuuurve each other, but we get along ok I suppose, considering we have little in common other than a great love for her son and grandchild-to-be.

Is this common, for parents or in-laws to WANT to be in on the sonograms? This is the sonogram where (hopefully) we find out whether BabyJesus will be a BabyBoy or a BabyGirl. I guess she wants to be there because she is so excited about her very first grandchild.

I must admit I am a tad skeeved out about this. Not enough to say "No you can’t come’ but just enough to feel kind of wierd about it. I’ve never heard of anyone having their parents or inlaws in the room with them during such a thing.

CJ

It’s common for them to want to come. Their friends are probably talking about it.

It’s also a good place to draw the line. After all, do you want her at the birth itself? If not, this is the perfect time to share your feelings that your uterus is private.
If want to keep a happy medium, tell her you’ll be right over after the scan with picture, video, or cd, as she’s the first person you want to share with.

If you haven’t gotten along and you want to do some bonding this’ll be a good chance to reach out to her and share an experience?

Shut the door on her now. Explain to her that you’ll let her see the print out and that you will go over every detail of what the docs say with her following the appointment.

If you don’t draw the line now, she’ll soon be volunteering to do the episiotomy!

ROTFLMAO. :smiley:

I don’t want to offend her by telling her ‘no’ she can’t come to the sonogram. This is her very first grandchild and I think she feels she has a right to be there, as long as we ok it. When MrJesus told me I was a bit shocked but I kind of figured, well if we DON"T let her come, she’ll whine and bitch, which I don’t want.

I like my MIL to a point…a very small point. I think she’s flighty and obsessed with perfection and way too much of a princess. I don’t know for sure, but from the way she reacts to me, I get the idea she thinks I am too earthy, too bold and altogether NOT what she had in mind for her Perfect Little Boy tm.

I guess since she’s a chick, it’s more ok for her to be there than if say my FIL had said he wanted to be there. Though I get along great with my FIL, I don’t think I"d want him in there staring at my fat, hairy, Pooh-shaped belly.

CJ

Well, if you break down and let her attend the sonogram, can I go to your next mammography?

Mr. Jesus could hold a raffle to raise money for Jesus Jr’s college eduation. The winner could start his colonoscopy!

Some things should be in Mom and Dad’s jurisdiction only.

LOL, ChiefScott…you’d have to wait a loooong time for that. I am only 25 and despite my high risk for breast cancer (mom and her sister had it, as well as both my grandmothers and possibly my maternal great grandmother) the insurance company has so far balked at letting me get a mammogram. I think they want me to wait till I"m 30 or so, so it’ll be a few years.

CJ

checking calendar

Cool. So it’s a possibility.

Hopefully, you got my gist. Certain things are for certain people – even “earthy” ones.

I totally understand about the whole MIL thing. I mean I haven’t had a sonoram or anything like that, but I can imagine I wouldn’t want my MIL there either. We’ve had our problems in the past, and I’ve often thought about what would happen if we had a child (hubby and i of course). I’ve often wondered if she’d want to be in the delivery room. ACK! So I say…NO! No MILlies allowed.

IMHO, your MIL at the ultrasound is not a big deal. Especially since you’ve already had one. 1 year from now it will make no difference whatsoever whether or not she was there when you found out the baby’s sex. So share the joy!

Of course, it’s your call and if you put your foot down she should respect your wishes, but I wouldn’t blame her a bit if she got pissed. First time grandparents are about as nutty as the pregnant woman themselves and in some ways I think they’re MORE eager over the baby than the parents are themselves. She’s just excited, that’s all.

Also, since this is her son’s WIFE having a baby, maybe she feels a little insecure. I’ve been told by mothers with both sons and daughters that, while they love their grandkids equally, that it’s different when your daughter has a baby as opposed to your son’s wife having one.

PS: In the delivery room when it’s time to push you won’t care if the Pope is the one with his hand up the birth canal, much less whether or not your MIL is in the room.

It really depends on the MIL and your relationship with her as well as your own feelings on privacy. My future ex has a mother [sub]of all mothers[/sub] and a step[sub]God bless the ground she walks on[/sub]mother. The former would have named the babies if we’d let her have her way. There was no way in hell I would have let her in for a sonogram, let alone the delivery. We told her (at my insistence) she wasn’t allowed to even come to the hospital until after we called and told her it was ok. She would have spent the whole time somehow making my labor and the birth of our child all about HER. It’s a freakin’ art form with her. My “goodMIL” would have been welcome in that she would have had the good sense God gave a goose to know when to stay quiet and how to actually be helpful and when to leave. But of course she’s the one who lives far away and never would have asked to begin with.
I absolutely did not want anyone in the room when I was in hard labor. By the time I had my third I would have done it alone if they’d have given me the option. Not for the embarassment factor. (At that point there’s no dignity left. Go ahead, take a picture for the 2% of the world’s population that hasn’t looked between your legs by then.) Just because I couldn’t handle the distraction and I was a wee bit cranky at the time.

On topic: No way would my MIL attend a sonogram with me. Although I am fond of her, a big part of our relationship (me, my husband, his mom) is about boundaries. Our future child is going to be a major battleground.

Off topic: Talk to your doc about getting the genetic test for BRCA1 and BRCA2 - genes related to the risk of breast cancer. Insurance companies are picky about paying for it, but that may change in the next six months due to some new research. And, they are better about paying for it for women from high risk families, which yours qualifies as, as you clearly know.

The reference, in case your doc doesn’t know, is Science Oct 24 2003, King MC. It is considered the definitive study.

This is nuts. I’m not a female type person but if a relative told me she wanted to be there from my sonogram it would raise huge red privacy flags. I know you want to be nice and inclusive, but this is really beyond the pale. You’re not some science cow with a glass porthole in her stomach. Tell her to take some doggy downers and chill. Your sonogram is not a public spectacle.

Where is your husband in all this? Doesn’t he have enough spine to say no to his mother’s weird request without bucket brigadeing it onto you? Unless his nutty “in your business” mama is brought to heel now, there will be hell to pay in the future.

Ask your MIL if she’s aware that when the technician presses the ultrasound paddle on the pregnant belly it will probably make you fart like a Yellowstone mud geyser.

Not saying it will. Just saying you should ask. :wink:

MIL definately does NOT have the right to be there, but as many have stated earlier, the choice is up to you depending on your comfort level with her.

Personally, we had my mom in on the ultrasound when we had our 4th child. Mrs. Dragwyr was quite comfortable with that and my mom really enjoyed it too.

As others have said, I think it depends on the relationship. I love my MIL to death, and while she would never ask, I wouldn’t mind if she were there on such an occasion. My mom, OTOH, is a different story. Love her too, of course, but she drives me batty and will not be at the hospital for any future children. (After the baby’s born, of course, she can be more involved. Just. Not. While. I’m. Giving. Birth. Or. Preparing. For. It.)

My MIL would never try to interfere in our child’s raising, despite how she felt about it. I know, 'cause I’ve seen the way she interacts with her other children and grandchildren. Sure, she might spoil the kid(s) when they stay the weekend with her, but hey–that’s what grandmas are for. My mom, again OTOH, will need stricter boundaries. That’s just the way it is.

The part about your MIL’s feeling she has a “right” to it is really annoying, but OTOH I feel like the kids I’m carrying aren’t really “mine” in the true sense of proprietorship. I feel like being pregnant is a blessing that somehow was just handed to me, and everyone in our lives should have the opportunity to create their own meaning out of their experience of it, whatever that might be. In the ultrasound room the Tech runs the show anyway, so if someone else wanted to come along for the ride, I’d be okay with it. I’m not going to feel obliged to entertain them or anything, though.

Now as far as being present for the birth…uhhhh no…Last thing I need is a bunch of spectators hanging out for “Crotch Watch '04”.

I let my M-I-L attend the birth, but that’s because she is generally well behaved and I told her clearly that she had to stay behind my head and be quiet. She did it, too!

It was my friend that was the problem (at the delivery). She begged for months to attend and would never take ‘no’ for an answer. I enlisted the help of the nurses and tricked her so she missed the whole thing (the nurses would misinform her of my progress, so she felt she had alot of time to arrive). I don’t feel too bad about it.

Either of these may work for your M-I-L too.

ehhhh…sonograms aren’t that great anyway. I was there at my mom’s sonogram for my sister, and they misdiagnosed her gender.

Tech: “That’s a boy. See that fuzzy thing there? That’s its penis”
Me:“Doesn’t look like it!”
Tech: “It is, trust me on this one.”
Mom: “You see, Ludovic thinks that since I’ve had 2 boys already, this one HAS to be a girl”
Me: :rolleyes:

At this point I was getting it from all sides and having words put into my mouth. And who made the mistake now, ms. sono-tech?

But the technology behind it is ultracool!