Your relative JUST had a baby. Do you go visit the same day?

My Sis In Law just had a baby ! He’s a big fellah- 9 lbs, 4 oz, Caesarean delivery. ( He has no name as of yet- we’ve all be calling him “Budd” for the last nine months. ) The C-section part is important to this OP . Labor all day yesterday, through the night, they took the baby out an hour ago. Baby and Mom are healthy and ok.

My wife already asked about going down there to see her. Now, I’m a boy. I’ve never had a baby, nor a Caesarean. Seems to me that this is surgery. Not that having a baby vaginally is a stroll in the park, but in addition to the rest of the physical strain of childbirth, this woman just got cut open.

Does she really want folks coming in a few hours later to see her? Would you? DID you? I am feeling like we should wait a day or two, but wife is insistent that we need to go down there immediately. ( She’s off today and works tomorrow, which to me is the wrong reason to come to this decision. :rolleyes: ).

Both of our kids are adopted, we had one at six months and the other at 4.5 months. They were escorted to us, and so there was no jet-lag or physical recovery needed. Heck, when my son ( the first child ) arrived, we had the entire family who were living in NYC at the time over for dinner to celebrate !! But, a very different experience.

My inclination is not to go. I can’t walk wife out of going, but the more the worse, not the more the merrier. Today is about SIL, Bro IL and baby bonding and her starting to recover.

That boy ain’t going anywhere, I can see him soon enough. Let me add, I do loooooooove babies of all ages and sizes and can’t wait to get him into my arms and smooch him some. So this isn’t about not wanting to be around newborns or babies at all. Much to the contrary. It is about respecting what SIL just experienced physically.



I visited my sister and neice in the hospital the day after. It depends on what the mom and dad want. Don’t just drop in. Find out if you’re welcome. There’s some serious bonding going on there, and you don’t want to just barge in. If the P’s say it’s cool, then it’s cool. Otherwise, back off until you’re invited.

This is your wife’s sister? I’d assume she knows her sister better than you do, and let her make the call. As a compromise, she could call and ask BIL “Hey, I’d love to come see you guys right now. Is that cool or do you both want some privacy right now?”

So much depends on the nature of the relationship: were it my younger sister, I would have already been at the hospital–were it my older sister, I’d wait a day. We aren’t all that close.

As someone who had a c-section, I would say, “Hell, no!”
Give her at least 24 hours to recover.

My son was born a month early, gave us all a bit of a scare, caused a few complications, but everything turned out okay in the end. BUT… I was exhausted. Drained. Felt like I’d been run over by a truck. Or three.

Not to mention I wanted a shower, but couldn’t have one yet.

My MIL and SIL basically set up camp in my room and wouldn’t leave. My husband told them to go on home and come back later, but they somehow thought they were doing us a favor by being there, and starting calling people to come see the baby. It was like that Seinfeld episode - "You gotta come and see the babbbbeeee!’ :rolleyes:
I grabbed hold of a nurse and pleaded with her to make them leave and somehow she did. IIRC, she told them the unlimited visiting hours were for dads only.

Call first and make sure it’s okay. Don’t just show up and stay for a long time. Mom needs rest and will appreciate very short visits. Bring cookies.

I too had a c-section and after the long labour (36 hours) and the surgery I needed some time to sleep.

It’s nice to recognize that the baby was born though, maybe send a balloon or flowers, or maybe a little outfit. Call the dad and see if she is open to guests. I had a revolving door on my room the day of (the c-section happened at 4:00 AM) and not many visitors the next few days, when I may have wanted the company.

I agree. Wife, in her typically pushy way said, " So, what time should we come in this afternoon ?? "


Hope her brother tells us honestly if they as a family are up to this… I was on the phone when he said, Uh, we’ll wait a few hours and let you know when.

I had the same kind of delivery about two months ago. 35 hour labor, ending in a C-section. I was also put under general anesthesia for the surgery (emergency C-section). I’d say by about three hours out of surgery, I was ready for visitors (because of the morphine and percocet - that stuff was nice :D).

I did have a friend who came to visit about five hours after the baby was born, which was fine with me. But she asked beforehand to make sure it was okay when I called to tell her the baby was here. The only thing was that I hadn’t seen my son yet due to some minor health issues, so when she arrived, he had just been brought to me. So I would have liked a little more time with just the two of us, but she had no way of knowing that’s what had happened.

Just call and ask. It really depends on the person - some will want visitors this soon, some won’t.


My sister-in-law has 4 kids, I lived nearby for the first three births and visited her the next day. After that I moved 90 minutes away, but still vistited the next day. I didn’t stay long, maybe 30-45 minutes… the visits got shorter with each birth. One of the reasons I went was to give my parents a breather from babysitting the the grandkids. She’s having her 5th child in April and I’m going to wait until the weekend to visit that one since the novelty has worn off…
All execpt the first one or two two were c-sections.

It is my wife’s brother and his wife, so no my wife didn’t grow up knowing this woman in the way that Manda JO might have thought. We love her madly, she is his second wife and is a wonderful soul.

Her brother called again, and I just up and asked, " Do you want us to come TODAY?". He said very emphatically, Oh yeah !. He would not speak about it without having decided with his wife, so clearly that is their wish. Wife and my daughter will go down there. I’m not working tomorrow and keeping in mind what Poysyn said, I’ll go down there tomorrow when things are not quite as mad.

She’s being moved to a semi-private room and that in of itself limits how many folks can be crammed in there, because it’s unfair to the other person to have a gang visiting for hours.

I’ve spent an enormous amount of time in hospitals, including three years as a volunteer as a teenager on a Peds ward. I’m probably the last person who would have a problem driving a few hours, only to be told to cool his heels in the lobby for another few hours.

It’s not really about the family. It’s about THEIR family, and because of the circumstance, it’s also to a degree about the other patient in that room. I’m just
glad she and the baby ( Who I said oughta be named Brooklyn :slight_smile: ) are fine.

Have they explored a re-sealable incision, kind of an Obsetric Zip-Loc? :smiley:

Nine days ago my mother got her first grandchild. I told the sister in-law the day before that I wouldn’t be going for the c-section delivery. I told her I can’t imagine her wanting to have a lot of people vist after the surgery. She said that she didn’t want people around and didn’t know if she should say so. Husband and wife kept everybody out for a couple hours while they could just be a family. I saw them three days later.

If my experience were any measure, I would say do what you want, she won’t remember anyway. Nor of course will the baby.

I was on the receiving end of a dilaudid drip after my emergency c section and I now have no clue that happened for the first three days. Well, I remember certain things. But nothing coherent.

They tell me I acted really normal, carried on conversations and everything. Now I just don’t remember.

But where I delivered anyway, the nursing staff was very good about playing the Bad Guy if you didn’t want visitors and also about asking if you felt up to visitors or if there were visitors you didn’t want. They would just declare you verboten and that was that.

Do not visit her in the hospital. Wait until she’s been home for a few days and invites you over.

I had a ten-pound baby via c-section. This is major surgery and the recovery can be rough. I was at a low ebb for several days afterwards and wanted to spend what little energy I had bonding with the baby. I told my husband to phone all the relatives to share the good news about the birth and to ask them to stay away because I wasn’t up to seing anyone. One pushy cousin showed up at the hospital anyway the day after the birth and the floor nurses, to my relief, wouldn’t let her in my room. When the baby was four days old (I was still in the hospital), I felt well enough for visitors and we invited my mother and sisters for a brief visit. I didn’t have have the strength to see anyone else.

Please, this birth is not about you and your wife. Send flowers but stay home until you get word that you are welcome.

Apparently you’ve completely missed the tone of my posts. I am the one who is mighty hesitant to intrude too early. If she and her husband don’t want me to come in tomorrow, that will be fine by me.

My wife, and others in the family are so insistent on going there this afternoon.

I am very well aware who this birth is about, or did you not read any of my posts at all ?

And, to give the Daddy his due in this tale, my brother in law is with his second wife- she is the one who just delivered. His oldest of three from the first marriage just went off to college this past September.

He’s been down the Delivery road a few times already, and is familiar with the dynamic of being a good hubby to a new Mom. Figures that was worth mentioning.

If the relative is your sibling, spouse, child or parent, go that day.

Anyone else, wait.

I was glad to have visitors following my C-section, although I was still mighty loopy thanks to all the drugs. I did have to unplug my bedside phone, though; everybody I knew called me during those first days, and between them & my hormones I couldn’t get a lick of sleep.

Congratulations on your new nephew!

Unlike Sonia Montdore, I wanted visitors, and I wanted them right away. In fact, due to the wonder of cellphones, I had 16 people waiting around before I even got out of recovery - less than an hour after I called only one. They all came into my room (once I was out of the closet that served as “Recovery”), and they all stayed for hours until I was able to go up to NICU and see WhyBaby. The nurses were a little unsettled to be working in front of so many faces, but they all stayed out of the way, lined up on the walls of my room like a police line-up!

I needed the distraction. It was nearly 5 hours before I could see the baby, it was an extremely premature emergency, and I would have been a wreck just laying there. I’m also a very social person, with a very tight community, and they are all like my family. I would have been devastated to be alone at a time like that.

The only friend who was hard to have visit was my friend with CP who came by the next day. She “got” CP from oxygen deprivation at birth, and I was only too aware that the same thing could happen with my baby. Seeing her in her wheelchair with no control over her muscles was really hard at that point. I wish she had called first so I could have gently steered her away for a little longer, but I’m not sure how I would have done that anyway.

So definitely call first. The answers can range anywhere from “Oh, God, no visitors!” to “Please, please, I need you here!” And - this is important - they may change from day to day and hour to hour. After childbirth (surgical or vaginal) you can go from perky and social to grumpy bear in about 45 seconds flat. Keep gently checking in to see if your presence is still welcome, and have a get-away story planned in case the mom or dad is too polite to ask you to leave.

Generally, I would suggest sending some flowers or a nice card of congratulations, and write inside, “We’d love to come see you and the new baby whenever you guys are ready for visitors. Hope you’re well.”

I went to see my brother and sis-in-law and my new niece on the “day” of delivery (baby was born in the wee hours of the morning) because they invited me to. If they had wanted some time, though, I would have understood.

When my second niece was born, I waited until the weekend, once she was home from the hospital to visit. This was mostly for my convenience, but I wasn’t convinced that there was anything to gain by visiting while they were still in the hospital, especially with a two hour drive. (And by waiting till the weekend, I got to see Grandma and Grandpa, too. Yes, that would be my mom and dad).

With niece 1 it was a couple of months before I saw the baby, due to a much greater geographic distance.

Heh. When I had the twins, as soon as my husband called his parents to tell them, they immediately jumped in the car to drive six hours from SC to GA to see us. I was like, “WHYYYYY?” But they wanted to see their grandsons, and I decided I wasn’t going to worry about it. They showed up while I was attempting to breastfeed one of the boys, and I just kept on with what I was doing and let hubby deal with them. But I’m kind of antisocial anyway. :smiley:

Since you’ve already ascertained that they are up for visitors, my next suggestion would be to ask if they need anything brought to them (maybe some snacks, since we all know about hospital food), or any errands run. That would probably be appreciated.