When people talk about social issues for the gifted (or for accellerated learners) they are not talking about introversion/extroversion or friendliness. They are talking about what happens when the child becomes aware that they are not like everybody else exactly. And when the other kids work out that this kid is not exactly like them. And when adults get the clue that there is something not quite the same about this one.
We have three generations of gifted folks in my family. (Okay, four. But my grandmother was so hampered by her social reality that it is difficult to sort out how that was for her). My father is scary smart and always was, a barefoot redneck in Mobile, Alabama in a social millieu where literacy was optional. He grew up with the notion that he really was not like everybody else and could never relate to regular people in a normal way except by faking it. In many ways he still suffers from that basic belief, even though he has known better for decades now. He spent much of his youth and early adult life using his intellect as a bludgeon and a barrier.
That same father raised me rather oddly: he treated my intelligence in exactly the same way he treated my hair color and height – as something that I had not earned but was given and had to learn to live with. He was determinedly only impressed with what I achieved through work, not what I achieved through native ability. So my scores on standardized testing did not cause him to look up from his newspaper but my winning an essay contest did. It worked out for me; other than opening doors for me my intellect has not notably improved my life but my persistence and resourcefulness certainly have.
I was sent to college every summer after sixth grade, but that was how gifted and talented worked back then, the local colleges and universities had programs. It was fun. AS I got into high school they probably should have paid better attention to the interaction between us and the college students who were looking after us…but hey, it was different then. I went to Catholic schools and they were very good for me. They were very much into the whole “everybody has gifts and all of them are important” thing and very much not into intellectual pride (one of the seven deadlies you know). I was a very difficult child I think it is fair to say and my father truly believes that what got me mroe or less happy through school was how my schooling was handled by the community.
My kids both attended Montessori; one still does. Let’s start with this: all Montessori schools are not alike. However, ours has been enormously flexible in addressing the learning needs of our kids. It does have its limits but everything has its limits including homeschooling.
Eldest now attends a speech and language school because he has a language disorder of unknown type. Here in Holland the education of kids with various special needs is very different so I don’t think his case will be helpful to you.
Youngest is still at the Montessori school. One of the advantages to this is that, because there is very little teaching to the class as a whole, in some ways the whole class is a pull out. So they bring him the materials from other classes and he does them in his own class. What they will do at the end is difficult to say, as gifted education in Holland is also, er, different. But I have to say, they are comitted to their kids and I have complete faith that we willl together come up with something.
So if you can only do one thing for your daughter, I would work on finding a place for her to be as she grows up that does not regard her as a trophy or an example or an academic performance, but as a whole person with many gifts and many weaknesses. A place where you are confident that when problems arise you can together come up with something.