So... shall we make fun of Ashlee Simpson?

Cafe Society
21

Well thank you very much Captain Bringdown.

You’re right though, I’d be very interested to know for sure what her life is like. On one hand, it could be quite enjoyable. Knowing you offer no real value to the business but parting fools from their money in record numbers.

On the other hand, it’s probably more like you describe, which I imagine is a soul crushing experience. I can picture Ashlee (was it always spelled that way?), her parents, and a team of music industry zombies sitting around a table trying to decide what her angle would be? Pop Princess? Nah, covered that already. Sweet Country Music Gal? Nah, not enough money in that. Rockin’ Anarchist? Yes!

Now I’m starting to fell sorry for her.

22

I’m just waiting for the career meltdown.

I can see the headlines now:
“Washed-up Pop Star Weds Message Board Poster in Quickie Vegas Ceremony.”

Starring yours truly.

23

I was going to proclaim that the end of pop would soon be over and that the revolution was coming but when I went back to historical music sales charts, it appears that pop always wins.

Pop(ular)

:frowning:

24

When does the porn career start? Then she can scream all she likes, and not get booed by anyone. She wouldn’t even have to leave home.

25

I don’t feel sorry for her. There are hundreds–no, thousands of talented musicians who are either stuck in the van or working for insurance companies or writing commercial jingles or driving cabs or digging fucking ditches because of the system of marketing, payola, and corruption that she is the product of. The money that went into making Ashlee Fucking Simpson a manufactured star could give dozens of those more-worthy a little bit of publicity and possibly a little bit of recognition and a little bit of money that they have should have earned as a result of their hard work and talent. She’s the symptom of a fucking disease and I don’t feel any more sorry for her than I feel for a fever or a hacking cough.

When she flames out sometime next week, she’ll have enough money to live comfortably on for the rest of her life, provided she doesn’t shove it all up her nose. Meanwhile, the talented ones are delivering pizza. Fuck her.

26

Well, I wouldn’t kick ‘er outta bed for eatin’ crackers, but I don’t like takin’ orders from anybody, so say “please” next time, and I’ll see what I can do…

27

If you watch the video on that website, you can hear someone yelling “You suuuck!” right after she finishes singing.

28

Nope. She auditioned around the same time as Britney and Christina, but freaked out and blew it. Basically, she choose to try to pursue a music career on her own based on her pure and wholesome “I’m waiting for my wedding night” image. Ashlee’s black hair and departure in music style is clearly just an attempt to differentiate herself from her sister.

29

Exactly. The “Poor Girl” has made millions from zero talent. Time for her to go away now.

30

That was Vince Neil. :wink:

31

Well, I’m not going to argue with you, except to say that image does play a huge part in the pop music world. After all, if “musical talent” was the sole factor in who was popular, millions of teenage girls would have Joe Jackson or Elvis Costello posters on their walls now, but unfortunately it’s not like that.

On the other hand, this unrelenting march toward “manufactured music” is absolutely disturbing. Say what you will about Madonna, but the lady knows where every last nickel of her money is and AFAIK, no one ever accused her of NOT being in absolute, total control of her career. In fact, more often than not, you’ll hear just the opposite - that she’s a control freak that’s on top of every last detail of her life.

The Simpsons and the Spearses of this world disgust me. They don’t have musical talent like an Elvis Costello or Prince or Peter Gabriel. They can’t create good “pop music” like Depeche Mode or the Pet Shop Boys. They don’t even have a mediocre musical ability backed by tremendous “star power” like Madonna or 80s era Michael Jackson or David Lee Roth.

They’re just puppets controlled by the record company. They eat, sleep and shit whenever the record company tells them to do.

At least fucking Shakira’s last album had the line “all tracks written, performed and produced by Shakira” on it, which is FAR more than you can say about The Simpsons or Britney.

32

Oh, what’s the big deal? Where is it written that you have no right to be successful unless you have talent proportional to your success? I’m sure there are lots of talented people out there who are also collosal jerks – are they really any more deserving of fame and fortune? (Of course Ashlee may be a jerk too, for all I know.)

I’m not going to buy her album or anything (although I find her songs somewhat less painful than her sister’s), but life’s too short to get pissed at everyone who doesn’t have precisely the amount of success they deserve.

33

Yeah, I have to agree. It sucks, but the fact that this kind of music has made such a comeback shows that shit has some staying power.

Her family and label probably tell her to do a lot of things, but I do feel confident that her lack of talent comes naturally. You can’t teach untalented, and she has it in spades.

34

I feel similar to you in this. Those that have talent have won the genetic lottery. Why are they more worthy of success? If they are harder workers sure, but plenty of no-talents probably work just as hard if not harder.

Of course from a personal perspective, I’d rather listen to somebody who has talent.

35

I have seen a few episodes of her show on MTV, and I have to say this is one spoiled little brat.
Always showing up late, always complaining.
I do think she has some talent, but I think she is physically very unattractive.
I do think she is kind of sad, though.

36

I dunno. She’s got this wide-eyed prettiness thing going on, and, personally, I think she’s gorgeous. And she seemed wholesome and I was rooting for her at the beginning.

Then I was hanging at a buddy’s house, drinking a few beers before heading out, and our crew is channel-surfing, and the Ashlee show is on.

Me: Dude, stop! She’s wicked hot!

My Buddy: Sure, she is, but she’s a fcking cnt. I’ve seen this one. Just wait.

Me: Naw, look at her! How can someone that cute be anything but a sweetheart?

My Buddy: Just wait.
It was that episode where her boyfriend (Ryan Cabrera) had a big gig at the Knitting Factory. And it was Ashlee’s birthday or near enough to it, or somesuch, and Ryan promised to play her a song he had written. So she is happy and perky and sits to watch.
Me: See, dude? How cute is that?

My Buddy: WAIT.
What happens next? Cabrera is doing his best to impress the audinece and everyone who came to see him, including record-label suits and whatnot, and what is Ashlee doing? Drinking in the back, yammering on and on about one thing: the fact that Ryan hasn’t played her song yet. Where’s my song?? Where’s my song??? Set ends. No song. Whiny Ashlee.

Then, the kicker. Backstage, after the show, Cabrera has apparently kicked ass. Everyone is around congratulating him, telling him what a great job he did, and so on, when up comes his girlfriend to add to the support- she looks him in the eye…
and berates him for not playing the damn song.
Me: Holy sht. That fcking cnt.

My Buddy: Told you so, dude.
At that very moment, my Ashlee daydreams transformed from “carriage ride in the park” to “backseat of the Happy Scrappy Malibu.”
I mean, she’s still HOT, of course. But I’m certainly not rooting for her.

37

I loved Blond-Ashlee on 7th HEAVEN & I hope the singing career flops so that she goes back & straightens Simon out.

That damn Georgia only has her claws in him 'cause she resembles Ashlee. Mmm-hmmm!

:smiley:

38

Re: So… shall we make fun of Ashlee Simpson?

Meh, it’s just too easy to do now. There’s no sport in it.

39

Oh, come on, she’s good for practice. Do hunters not engage in target practice on occasion to hone their skill for bagging the real game?

40

The only way to make it without working hard or being talented is to go the Ashlee Simpson way. People with talent ARE more worthy of success, and so are people who work hard.