There’s always the option of going to the wedding, getting embarrassingly and belligerently drunk at the reception, and falling onto the wedding cake. 
I don’t recommend it necessarily, but when Sandra Bullock did so in 28 Days, it was the best scene in that movie.
If it were me, I would send my sister a gift ($50-$75 range) and a note advising that I wish I could be there to celebrate her special day but that I have nonrefundable plane tickets and I won’t be able to make it. This allows you to acknowledge her special day without having to spend over $1000 to grind your teeth through the ceremony and watch your parents snipe at each other through the reception. Then a few weeks before the wedding I would send another card wishing her well.
Avoiding crazy-ass family + trip to Hawaii + making sure your sister knows she is special to you = WIN
Why would you say that? I agree with her that it seems passive aggressive as hell. Do I also need to grow up?
And we both know there is a great deal of material in this thread that is judgmental bullshit dished up by people who are making some huge assumptions. That is not advice, and the OP doesn’t need to treat everything in this thread as though it were advice from the heart. I agree that she seems to bring some of the drama upon herself, but that doesn’t warrant some of what I’ve seen typed about her.
I’m only reading what you post. Considering you can’t even go one post without being snide about her (“Her Special Fucking Day”), I vote you stay away. You don’t seem mature enough to go.
Feel free to read whatever the hell you want between the lines of that.
Gosh, I don’t know if I was a nasty one or not! I hate not knowing the players here and the histories. I never know if I’m sticking my foot into something I don’t want to or not!
Somebody give a noob a play card, huh?
This is what I would do. I don’t think much good is going to come out of you going to the wedding. Frankly, I wouldn’t want a sister like yours to be a big part of my life–she sounds like a total PITA, so if this harms your relationship I’m not sure that’s such a bad thing.
To clarify, she will be living far away from you, right? It’s not as if you have to bump into her at the grocery store or anything? How often do you see her?
I never ever insisted on being invited. Apparently I can’t repeat this enough, because that particular accusation has been trotted out a dozen times now, so let’s put an end to this assumption.
Once more, with feeling this time:
I did not ever once demand an invitation, either for myself or for anyone else in the family.
The fact that family was not invited was casually dropped into an unrelated conversation, which up to that point had been about her plans to visit her fiance two weeks from then. My response was “I hope you understand that I’m a little hurt by that decision.” Period. That’s it.
Nor did I tell her who to put on the guest list, where to get married or ask her to make me her maid of honour. In fact, prior to that conversation, I’d done nothing but wish her well and listen to her talk about her plans… so let’s please please please get that much straight.
HolyFreakingMoly, your advice was spot-on. I wish I had your parents, because that sounds like a wonderful arrangement, but unfortunately I can’t trade mine in for a new set (though I do borrow The Boy’s on a regular basis, because they’re wonderful folks and living proof that it’s possible to have a decades-long loving, devoted, functional relationship).
Hmmm.
I think that this is one day, but this particular day is HUGE. IMO, you have to go. Not only do you have to go, you have to be the more gracious party (which wouldn’t be hard, from what I’ve read here), be civil and courteous. You can snark on her choices in private later with The Boy to blow off steam, if need be. You don’t mention any other sibs, so think on this: someday Mom will be dead, as will Dad. Do you really want to fight over their wordly remains with someone who can hold over you, “you didn’t even bother to come to my wedding!”
If that lovely scenario doesn’t give you pause, this one might: she is getting married and will likely [del]breed[/del] have kids. Do you not want to get to know your nieces and nephews?
Here is what is irrelevant:
You were unfriended on FB. Do you really want her on your FB?
mom and dad had an unhappy, nay, toxic marriage.
Mom obviously passed down the Drama gene to Sis.
Your feelings were hurt by Sis’s thoughtlessness (you expect thoughtfulness from one such as her? Time to shed that Norman Rockwell dream)
Trips to Hawaii–Hawaii will be there next year and the next etc.
hashing it out is overrated. Frankly, she sounds a wee unstable, most likely just very immature–there is no hashing out to be had. There will always be Drama and if there is none, Drama will be created. As Shodan says, be the grownup–you’ll be glad you did.
Frankly, I am appalled at dear old Mumsy and truly think that this is where Sis gets it from. Short of attempted murder or child molestation, it doesn’t matter how tawdry, sordid or painful her marriage to That Man was. That Man is your father and your sister’s father. He has a right to be at her wedding.
Who is paying for all this nonsense?
In short, it sounds to me like you are still both trying to change her and hoping for her to change. Ain’t gonna happen. All you can do is be a class act yourself. Maybe it’ll rub off on her. (and you DO want to influence her offspring, no?) Canada looks to you to save it from the scourge of her progeny.