The local game warden in Iowa suggested I chain a railroad tie to my front bumper and drive around at night … just call him the next day and he’ll issue a tag for any deer I manage to hit … I already had a fur-bearing mammal license so any raccoons I nailed were mine to sell …
This might surprise some of you, but to put beef or pork on your table requires the killing of a mammal … and of course for us old folk here, there was a rabbit killed when your mother had a pregnancy test …
Oh, my first thought would be making sure everyone is safe and the state of my car. My second thought would be how to ask the police or DoW about permission to harvest the deer.
Confirming the suggestion upthread that the problem in Australia is roos. Weird, mysterious and picturesque animals when on the move, but they have evolved no sense of assessing closing speed. “If the vehicle looks a long way away, then it will take ages to get to me” is often their last thought, I suspect. And the worst part is that they are on the move around dusk. If you drive in the country at that time, you go slow and you keep a hard lookout.
I struck one out on a country road about that time of day. Had no chance to see it except for a millisecond before it leapt onto my car bonnet and bounced off the windscreen. Damaged some panel work, made the windscreen almost opaque. Fortunately did not come through the windscreen - things get v ugly when that happens.
Up north, you see main highways with a dead roo every 15 m or so. Everyone who lives in the country has roo bars installed on the front of their vehicle to avoid damage to the car and to force the beast down and away from the vehicle instead of going into the windscreen.
If you are strong of stomach, here’s the worst deerstrike I’ve ever heard of.
[spoiler]Seriously, this is gross. You’ve been warned.
[/spoiler]
It wasn’t my first and it wasn’t a mammal, but I managed to hit a wild turkey with my GF’s car in CT. We were headed to a winery and she asked me to drive her “fairly new” car. I never saw the thing, as it apparently flew (briefly) across the divided highway and I hit it smack in the middle of the front grille. Feathers went everywhere. For some reason, I felt really guilty, though it was unavoidable. We were picking feathers out of the grille and the radiator for days.
Since we’re talking gross cases with mammals there have been a few where drunks have hit humans and continued on with the critically injured victim embedded in their car, only to die later while the drunk sleeps it off oblivious to the murder they committed.
This is not just UL; I’ve seen news articles. Rare, but in a big country damn near every shitty thing you can imagine happening has already done so at least once.
Oblivious is one thing. How about fully aware, but refusing to render aid, or allow aid to be rendered?
There *may *be an upper limit to the depravity and cluelessness of humans, but I think we haven’t found it yet.
Gawd, you’re so demanding. I mean what do you want, she apologized to him, in person, over and over again! It’s not like she ever found it to be a laughing matt…oh, wait a minute…
:smack:
At least she won’t be eligible for parole until 2027.
The next time you start to wonder if maybe you’re a bad person, you can at least console yourself with the knowledge that you are no Chante Mallard.
Anyway, back to dismembered ungulates. Anyone got a good recipe for sloppy does? 
:rolleyes:
Reckon they’re going to finish those Cokes in the back floor board?
My first mammal kill was a rabbit. A very young rabbit. With a walk behind lawn mower. Ick.
Yesterday I was very calmly walking home when a half grown buck ran into me and then ran off. A guy walking his two dogs stopped and asked “Are you okay?”
If the buck had been fully grown, I don’t think I would have survived unhurt.
Idiot woman and her 2 kids standing at the side of a neighborhood street. I slow down watching the kids on the left for sudden movements. Failing to realize they’re calling their puppy back from the right side of the road. Which I hit and kill. Shit. Pick up said dead pup in a blanket and go on. I will never forget it. And never fail to curse that dumbass woman.
On the non-mammal side, I was in the right lane, cops in the left lane, on a notorious speed trap road. 35mph speed limit. I am staying just behind the cops in the other lane, maybe a car length. They suddenly jam on the brakes too quickly for me to respond in time and I hit and kill a big white duck (middle of the city, WTF) crossing the road, that they’d stopped for. Not me. Last thing I saw in my rear view was the damn cops laughing.
that’s worse than I was expecting.
the worst (aftermath) I saw was on I-696 after a deer had been hit square by a semi tractor. There was nothing left other than an enormous smear. at work we coined it “cherry pie.”
Those sorts of liquefactious roadkill events are pretty common in SE Michigan in October and November.
For the past couple of years, Ann Arbor has hired sharpshooters to shoot, within city limits, a whole bunch of deer; they got 63 in 2016, and 96 last winter. This year they’re setting their sights even higher (no pun intended), hoping to get between 250 and 350. It’s been controversial to say the least, but the deer are a genuine problem within the city. Not only are they tearing up people’s landscaping, but numerous times in the past few years I’ve seen literal herds of deer lingering near (or even on) major thoroughfares, and a correspondingly large number of roadkill events - not on 70-MPH interstate highways, but on city streets with a 40-MPH speed limit.
IIRC it used to be that you needed to apply for a “lottery” for antlerless deer (doe) licenses. the deer population has exploded around developed areas to the point now that in southern lower Michigan your standard hunting license includes two tags, you can take either two antlerless deer (or button/spikes,) or one antlerless/button/spike and one buck with at least 4 points on a side.
Yes, after that it gets easier. You begin to like it, and schedule time off from work for the event, even enlisting some group of friends to join in. You may even find that you like to keep a little piece of him to remind you.
You peel his skin off his head and mount it on a Styrofoam form, cure it and hang it in the den at your house.
And eat his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
Oh sure, you make one stupid joke about running down innocent children and you get labelled clueless and depraved. If I DON’T make jokes, the terrorists win. 
I am glad to see your smilie.