So, was I the asshole this morning?

In My Humble Opinion
1

The situation:

It was around 7:00am. Four coworkers (all male and including me) are standing around at work. We’ve completed our daily COVID test and are awaiting the results. This typically takes about fifteen minutes and we are required to wait (socially distant, of course) until the results are sent to us via text message.

One of the men decides to bring up politics. I was only halfway paying attention, instead choosing to read social media on my phone. I don’t recall what inspired this guy to bring up politics. He was going on about how Trump had tried to clean up Washington, but the Democrats – I mean, Communists – installed Biden and he is ruining the country. Yadda yadda. He even brought in his opinion that much of what has happened is foretold in Revelation. Cool.

Here’s the thing. He kept going on about how Democrats – I mean, Communists – were traitors to the country. Biden is illegitimate and was “installed” by these traitor Democrats – I mean, Communists. (Yes, that is how he identified Democrats.)

I had enough. I said, in what I taught my kids was my “I mean it” voice, “Knock it off. I’m a lifelong Democrat, and been an officer in my party, and I am not going to stand here and tolerate the name-calling.”

The Trumpist – I mean, Fascist – was taken aback. He told me that that’s how Democrats are; wanting to silence free speech. It’s still a free country, etc. I told him that I had no interest in silencing his speech, I just wasn’t going to stand there and be called names when I’m just minding my own business. (I should note that none of his comments were directed at me, personally. He did not say my name at all.)

My typical response to this situation would have been to laugh, say something like “I don’t want to hear all this”, and left the area. But, because of the COVID test, I wasn’t able simply to leave. I had to stay. The other two guys started up a conversation about sports or something. When my COVID result finally came in, I made it a point to bump fists with the guy and wish him a good day. He responded in kind. I had no further conversations or contact with him today; our schedules took us in different directions.

So, was I the asshole in this skirmish this morning? Do I owe him an apology for not speaking in my most cordial, polite tone?

2

No, you weren’t the asshole. Your co-worker was, because he started talking about a topic that is best not discussed in polite, mixed company.

3

Meh…there can be more than one asshole there. It definitely sounds like he was being an unprofessional asshole by bringing up politics at all at the workplace, especially in a captive situation like that. I don’t see your response as unprovoked, but perhaps it could’ve been a bit more…diplomatic? But I don’t think you should beat yourself up over it.

4

No you’re not an asshole at all. As good as you can do in those situations where someone is being offensive is tell them to knock it off without resorting to personal insults and name calling.

5

You were not an asshole; you were responding appropriately to his unprovoked assholery.

6

You showed far more restraint than I would have been able to muster.

7

If he were just generally griping about Democratic policies, sure, unloading on him like that might have made you the asshole. But he wasn’t doing that - he was spouting conspiracy theories and lies about traitors and secret cabals. So no, you weren’t the asshole. If anything, you were doing your civic duty by calling him on his shit.

8

He was being an asshole, obviously, or, as we would say in my part of the world, a gobshite.

But that doesn’t mean you weren’t. If you were being a teeny, teeny bit assholish it was with the words “knock it off”. It’s one thing to tell him that the expression of his views offends you, and to explain why - that’s fine. And it’s equally fine to take issue with his views and point out how insanely detached from anything remotely approaching reality they are. And it’s fine to question the judgment and intelligence of a man who could embrace such batshittery.

But telling him not to express his views, or that you won’t tolerate the expression of his views, does cross a line. If nothing else, it give him the opportunity to try to turn this into a debate about censorship.

Though it’s probably a relevant factor that this conversation took place in a workplace. Most workplaces have policies in place intended to limit offensive speech, and his speech was certainly offensive. You could have pointed to those policies, and suggested that he was infringing them.

9

There were no Assholes in this story.

10

In a workplace, I could imagine starting off w/ something more along the lines of, “Since we all are being held hostage here, could we avoid discussing politics?”

But politics is so verboten in my workplace, that I would’ve avoided anything like you said.

11

You weren’t an asshole. You were wasting your breath.

I have a trump-loving 18 year old son who talks exactly like that guy. I try to hold my tongue when he goes on and on about how the election was stolen from trump, and the Commie leftists are canceling free speech, ruining the country, yadda yadda, but sometimes it’s hard to keep quiet and I have to tell him how wrong he is. So I can sympathize.

But no amount of direct argument can change their minds. In fact, my son thinks he can change my mind and learn to see the beauty and power of trump’s master plan and vote for him when he runs again in 2024. :roll_eyes:

12

I used to have a tendency to double down on such conversations. Something like, “Yeah, and they are doing it all so that we will have to sell our children for them to sacrifice to Satan and drink their blood.”

But I don’t know if that’d fly anymore, you’d probably just reinforce their beliefs, while giving them even more rumors to spread.

Anyway, no, not the asshole. It’s not the asshole who is the first to be rude, it is the asshole that makes others around him have to be rude. He was out of line, and you were right to put him in his place.

13

Assuming the conversation went as you described it, then the guy was being undiplomatic and you were in the right to object in the manner that you did. No apology needed.

14

Typical liberal PC cancel culture, right there. /s

15

No, you were not. My go to response in these situations is to say “why in the fuck do you think I care what you think?” But I AM an asshole.

16

You were not the asshole.

17

That’s great. It cuts right to the heart of the narcissism involved, that some jerk’s opinion is SO important that everyone needs to hear it.

In my fantasy of the waiting room scene, the OP would say this, then point out the others: “See that guy? Does he look interested in what you’re saying? NO. And that other guy? He’s not listening. NO ONE’S listening. Y’know why? Because they’ve heard it all before, and have rejected it. And yet here you keep talking, spouting the same lies everyone’s heard over and over… because you think your opinion is so important. You must suspect by now that you’re not just wrong, you’re BORING.”

…

So my response to the OP is “No, you weren’t an asshole. But I wish you had been…”

18

The last time I used it was at Dulles airport, waiting for my bags. This Trumpist next to me just started spewing a bunch of shit about how awful Washington is. I’m from DC, so I said my line and waited for my bag.

I would also make it my mission to mess with that co-worker from the OP for the rest of his time at the company. Every time he snuck out early, his boss would hear about it. Basically, I’d take out four years of rage at Trump and his white nationalist thugs on this one guy.

19

This is what comes to my mind. I’ll skip the details, but it would have been messy.

20

I really like how you handled the situation.

I would have been tempted to ask, incredulously, “You really believe all that @#!%*&?” and if he admitted that he did, to laugh derisively in his face for being such a fool.