I’ve never cooked Thanksgiving dinner all by myself before, and it would be all by myself.
My sister doesn’t cook at home or do much of anything but walk the dog and do her leg treatment and occasionally wash the dishes when she comes home from work at Taco Bell. She cooks all day and doesn’t want to come home and cook for us too, and it sucks, but I can understand that. (There is definitely an unfair division of labor, though, but that’s just, like, my opinion, man. On the other hand, I’m the only one of us three who doesn’t drive.)
My mother is disabled, overweight and incapable of standing for long periods of time. She can’t cook anymore. Besides, she cooked for me for the first 30 years of my life.
And our co-tenant, Big Steve, is a single-leg amputee who uses a wheelchair and not an artificial leg. He cooks simple meals for himself but we can’t both occupy the kitchen at the same time.
And Andrea, the landlady’s daughter, refuses to ever cook anything more complicated than a microwave meal, and only ever washes her own dishes and not anyone else’s. But she works 12-hour days five days a week, and on top of that, she’s making sure her mother survives on a daily basis, and also that we don’t get the house foreclosed on.
If there is to be an at-home Thanksgiving dinner, it would fall to me and me alone. And I’ve never done it before. I’ve only ever made mashed potatoes, stuffing, and cranberry sauce. I know nothing about how long it takes to cook a turkey, or making pumpkin pie or pecan pie, or green bean casserole, or sweet potatoes.
I cook all the other meals, and shop for a lot of the groceries.
No. I can’t do it. I can’t spend 12 hours cooking and then be the only one cleaning up afterwards. I would cut a bitch.
So I’ll let Golden Corral do it this year. I’m not even paying for it. My biggest responsibility will be keeping Mom’s buffet plate full.