So we've just lost six months of wedding planning

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Nah, seriously, I’ll say this. If you see me post ANY rants about flower shops or musicians or DJs - feel free to block me or filter me out of here;) - actually, I’d prefer that someone yell at me and tell me to get my damn head out of the clouds! For the most part, I swear, I am a very easygoing person about things like this - I try not to let things bother me. But unfortunately, I am a worrier. That just comes from having an anxiety disorder - so when I think I can’t get something done in time, I panic. I’m working on that:).

However, rants about my mother may just be necessary. I think my sister-in-law, who just married my brother this past June, could have used this board to rant about her a few times. And Mom rants are typically not wedding-related:D. Those can hit at any time (although I’ve never posted one before - I just rant to my fiance and my brother and sister-in-law, since they understand).

Opal, I don’t know. I actually wondered what the hell one of my friends was doing when she set a wedding date for nearly two years after the announcement. My very best friend in the world took over a year and a half, but they’d been engaged for nearly six years at the time, so it didn’t faze me. But I’ve seen family members plan wedding in much less time. I don’t know where you got married, but I know here, it’s smart to book the site for the ceremony and reception at least a year in advance to make sure you can get the booking - things fill up pretty quickly.

CCL, thanks for the reassurance:). I do have a sense of humor about this stuff. I think I’d go crazy otherwise - I’m not the type to throw screaming fits or temper tantrums, I never have been. I don’t think this will be any different. I think it helps that I’m also not picky. I have general ideas of what I’d like, but I’m definitely not the type to throw a fit if I want orchids for my bouquet, but the florist can only provide lilies. I’ve told my bridesmaids they can wear whatever shoes they want as long as they go with the dress, and I’m having one bridesmaid help choose the dresses because she’s harder-to-fit and I want her to be comfortable. So if I do get anxious about anything, it’s because I’ll be trying to make others happy, not worrying about what I want.

I’m wondering if it’s time to go back on Paxil until the wedding:D.

Ava

22

Heh. My boyfriend was serving in the Air Force in Spain at the time, he flew back to the States, proposed the first night, and my mother had three days to throw the wedding together. She only had THAT long because we had to wait for the blood tests.

23

I got married at the Westin La Paloma Resort in Tucson, AZ and I have no idea how we managed to get it on such short notice, but we did. I know they had several other weddings that day.

How does one have the patience to wait for a wedding planned 2 years ahead of time? I’d go insane! heh. I’m not very patient.

24

I’m with the throwing out all the wedding magazines. The only thing they’ve helped me with is looking at dresses. Even then I ended up getting a dress that was nothing like what I thought I’d want.

I’m having a museum wedding too. They gave us a list of the prefered vendors. It’s actually helped out a lot. All these people have done many weddings there and know exactly what they are doing. They’ve even given us a lot of ideas. It also saved us a lot of time from having to look everything up.

The hardest part so far seems to be finding the site and the dress… and rounding up reliable bridesmaids. For some reason mine keep disappearing on me.

Good luck. You have plenty of time.

25

What all do you have to do that can’t be done in 11 and a half months?

Do you have to like, import the horses that will pull the carriage from Arabia or something? By ship? Via the Arctic Sea?

26

Spiny Norman and I planned and executed our wedding in 6 weeks (immigration and pregnant sister with travel restrictions dictated the time-frame). It can be done! We had a formal, outdoor wedding with a live band and the whole nine yards.

Get organized!

Get yourself a 3-ring binder and some tabs. Create sections for your checklist, your guest list, caterers, bakeries, florists, hair and makeup, hotels for out of town guests, transportation, music, gifts received, and any other category you can think of for things you’ll need.

Ask the wedding coordinator at your venue if they have a list of preferred vendors. Finding vendors who are already pre-approved by your venue will save you TONS of time – they won’t have to sign all the waivers and they’re already very familiar with the ins and outs of weddings at that location. If you can’t find a vendor you like from their list for a certain thing, that’s when you start asking friends and family for referrals.

Use your binder to keep notes from all the vendors you contact. If you go visit vendors, bring a camera and ask to take pictures (you’ll see so much between now and next year that you’ll have trouble recalling what you saw where). Get those plastic sleeves that you can drop things in from the top that go in 3-ring binders. They’re great for keeping things together.

Save all your receipts!

Don’t forget to get a marriage license!

Involve your fiancé in all the decision-making. I know it might sound silly, but how you work together in planning this wedding will be a pretty good indicator how you’ll work together in your married life. Some brides forget that it’s not only their day, but their future husband’s, as well. He may very well have strong feelings about certain things, or have some fun ideas you hadn’t thought about. The more you plan it together, the more fun the day will be for both of you.

Everyone told me the photographer was the most important vendor I’d choose and skrimping on cost on that one item would spell disaster. I didn’t listen. I got quite a few nice pictures. I also got a lot of sucky pictures and I’m also missing a lot of pictures. Don’t just ask to see portfolios (they’ll only show you the best of their work, anyway), ask to speak to brides whose weddings they’ve done. This is one place your venue will be very valuable in recommending someone.

As others have said, throw away the bridal magazines – they’re just expensive advertising. I do recommend the “To Do List” from The Knot, but DISREGARD the timetable they outline. I used (and modified) their list so that I’d have a good starting point to know what needed to be done, but clearly I didn’t have the time they suggested to do it in. It’s still a great list!

When it’s time to make the seating chart, put everyone’s name on a little slip of paper. Use paper plates to simulate the tables and move names around as needed until you get an arrangement that feels right to you. Saves a TON of writing and erasing.

Don’t let your family and friends tell you what you should do, or make you feel guilty for doing or not doing something that they think you’re supposed to do. It’s your wedding! Always remember that. The rest of them can go jump in a lake.

If I can think of more, I’ll let you know.

Relax and have fun with it!

And congratulations and good luck to you both!

27

No worries Avabeth! We set a date and did all the planning and got married 6 months later. I wanted that long since all the books said at least a year… and by the end we were done and bored with the waiting!

All that really matters is you marry your man that day… everything else is just window dressing. Remember that and you’ll be ok!

28

Oh god my photographer was HORRIBLE! Chopped the tops of heads off in half the photos, took pictures from the knees up (hell do waist up or full length, what is this knee shit?) missed crucial shots (no picture of the cake? He said he didn’t think it was important!) and it took A YEAR (yes, A YEAR) to get my photos! Whoever you get as your photographer, as for references and talk to the people!

29

Well, I have to admit, this morning, I feel MUCH calmer. I’m reading my OP from yesterday going “Holy crap, girl, chill out, girl!”. I think I was just freaked because we’d made the decision to move it up. I think what also scared me is that I’ll be working full-time AND be a full-time student for most of the planning. I’m already worried enough about school, and adding another huge event just scared me. But I’m calmer. I went through a book last night and made a few lists, and this is definitely do-able. Plus, I have my cousin to help me and she’s awesome at these things.

It’s definitely not going to be a huge wedding - much smaller than my brother’s. And my fiance moans and groans, but he’ll help without any prodding from me - he’s just doing it for posterity;). So I know we can do this.

Shayna, thanks! I’ve got the binder already - my sister-in-law helped me put one together. I know it’s going to be a good asset. As far as the photographer, that’s what everyone says - not to skimp. I’m torn - on the one hand, I have a friend who’s a wonderful photographer and would do the wedding for MUCH less than others. And my brother and sister-in-law had an expensive photographer, but the pictures didn’t turn out as well as they’d hoped, and he didn’t get shots of everything they wanted. So that one will be tricky. But I think it’ll work out:).

Opal, I saw your pics when I was in your album one day (I think I was looking at your weight-loss pics). They look really nice - you had a gorgeous wedding.

SnoopyFan, nah - the horses are being specially bred in temperature-safe stalls on an undisclosed farm in Maryland;).

Thanks, guys. I’m calm this morning and feeling much more relaxed. I think yesterday was just a temporary freak-out.

Ava

30

Ava I think someone already said this but pick a Saturday or Sunday afternoon and invite your bridesmaids or close friends over. Have your addresses for invitations ready and sit around a big table and everybody help address envelopes. I did this for my first wedding and it was a tremendous time saver plus I got to chill out and spend time with my closest girl friends.

Have lunch together and just hang out after the invitations are done.

Congrats and Best Wishes!

31

As others have mentioned, bridal magazines and most wedding planning guides are designed to drive you crazy. I firmly believe that the publishers are in league with both the liquor and pharmaceutical industries–because reading that crap will drive you to either drink or Valium.

The only wedding planning book that I found helpful (and I recommend it) is “Weddings for Grownups” by Carroll Stoner. The author recognizes that most women have jobs, families, friends, social obligations–in short, lives–and that your average bride really does have better things to do than visit umpteen-gazillion florists trying to track down heart-shaped rice.

The two best pieces of advice that I got from the book are 1)Your time is worth something and 2) Everything will not be perfect, and that’s okay. Yes, you might get a better deal if you scour the town comparison-shopping for the cheapest flowers or if you handmake all your wedding favors, but do you really want to spend your free time doing that? And it’s ridiculous to expect that everything will go off without a hitch. Something will be less than ideal on your wedding day. But it doesn’t matter. You’re getting married; your loved ones are there to support you; who gives a rip if something isn’t exactly the way you imagined it?

32

I’m a guy and pretty oblivious with regards to wedding planning but at a friend’s wedding, they put a disposable camera on every table, so people could take snapshots. Even if some don’t turn up well, some will and may be quite funny.

Also as a frequent guest at weddings, I can say this, don’t panic about the little details such as the napkin ring holders and what not, nobody will notice.

33

Thanks! The pictures in my online album were taken by friends and family. They are better than the professional ones. Sad, isn’t it?

34

avabeth –

I’m getting married three weeks from this Friday. We’ve planned the whole thing in 3 months, and that includes me changing my mind on my dress (yes, to my shame, I am a two-dress bride).

Point being, as others have posted, you most certainly can get things pulled together.

I will agree with an earlier post about you two figuring out what’s important to you. If you agree on those elements, everything else falls into place.

For us, that meant no dopey favors, no garter belt, no bouquet toss, a very small wedding party (one each actually), a Friday evening wedding rather than a Saturday, and a cocktail party for our reception which we are throwing in our home.

A couple of final thoughts –

This wedding is about you both. You and your fiance can divvy up the chores, there is no reason why you and you alone should handle all wedding-related tasks.

Similarly, your fiance’s ideas and wishes count. When my fiance was a little boy, he was fascinated by the fountains used on the display wedding cakes. We are having a fountain because he really wants one and it’s my pleasure to have him be so tickled about that.

Use places like theknot.com for ideas ONLY. Same thing with their task lists. You can get an idea of what others do, but that doesn’t make those tasks mandatory for you, eh?

As for me, I am counting down the days until I get to marry the man of my dreams and boy, I can’t wait. 25 days left!

'Trary

35

11 1/2 months is plenty of time. My wife and I were married three months after we were engaged. You’ve got plenty of cushion time.

Just don’t freeze from panic.

36

Almost 3 months from asking to "I do"ing here. And 9 years later, we’re still just as married.

One thing to remember… Something is going to go wrong. Accept it - it could be anything, but it will go wrong.

37

Ack - pressed submit too soon.

Once you know that it isn’t going to be perfect, you can relax and enjoy yourself.

When we told my parents about our engagement, my mom handed me a check for $3000 and said she’d take care of the photographer, but other than that, she didn’t want to be involved. And we had a wonderful wedding, but I was pretty rushed when it came to planning.

What went wrong? Well, I decided to make a silk bouquet to carry and have a small fresh one to throw. I wanted to keep my bouquet in a case but it didn’t last that long. I used hot glue to make sure the flowers were secure in the bouquet form. And we got married the end of June. In Alabama. The hot glue loosened in the heat and I slowly shed flowers throughout the ceremony and pictures. One even stuck perfectly on the end of my veil train so that it dragged the veil out nice and pretty. It looks planned in the video. But by the end of the reception and pictures, the bouquet was very very dishabille. But so what? We’re still married and the wedding was beautiful.

Hope you have a wonderful, beautiful wedding and that the planning period is as stress free as possible.

38

I’m with burundi, in more ways than one :). We got married in May, and while there was some freakage, it was pretty minimal. And we had a little over six months to plan.

I think the best advice we got was this: nobody is going to remember more than about two or maybe three things from your wedding. Decide what you want them to remember (beyond, of course, that you got married). Do those things well, and fuck the rest of it.

We decided on these things:

  1. Location. We wanted a really pretty spot, so we drove around our area for several weekends and scoured the Internet until we found a great outdoor location. You’ve already got your location, so you’re great to go in this respect.
  2. Food and drink. We found a great caterer through friends, ordered beer from a local microbrew, and got a family member to make our cake as a present to us; I made two schmancy cheesecakes for the groom’s cakes.
  3. Music. Some of our friends played live musice for the ceremony, and my brother put together MP3 files for the reception.

Flowers? Gotten at the farmer’s market the morning of the wedding. Napkins? Who the hell cares about napkins? We got something cheap from a stationery shop. Clothes? We basically let members of the wedding party wear whatever they wanted, within reason (I did ask my brother not to wear his lovely burgundy velvet suit, giving him one of my own suit jackets instead – that’s where “within reason” comes in).

Choose a few things to do well, and don’t sweat the rest of it. Anyone who complains afterward that your table cloths didn’t match the color of the bridesmaid dresses is far overdue for a smack upside the head.

Congratulations!
Daniel

39

Well, I know absolutely NOTHING about wedding planning, I’m afraid the most I’ve done at a wedding is be a bridesmaid. Though I am also the photographer at some and videographer in others.

However, in your wedding, I can’t be that, eh? :smiley: I don’t know how my vacation is going to work out next year. I’m actually hoping next year that the GH FCW will on the 28th of August so I can take the week off. Fly to LA and then fly to VA five days early for your wedding so I can help with any last minute stuff that needs to be done.

As for horses…well, Griffen, Samson and I would lend our services to pull a carriage but um, I don’t think they would like travelling all that much. :wink:

If you have ideas for the little gifts you give out for presents to the guests, I can help you out with that. My dad can even make pretty labels for it. :wink:

Oh hell, if you want me to cartoon, I can do that too. :smiley: Don’t panic so much.

Course, if it were me…I would do the Elvis route. :wink: