so what conversations have you had, or heard on a plane recently?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

With all the stress involved in flying these days, it is always welcoming to hear or have an interesting conversation on the plane.

A few days ago I flew to Chicago, and I overheard an interesting conversation between a beautiful blond, and an unattractive 42 year old man sitting next to her.

Maria (the names of these individuals have been changed in order to protect their privacy) and Rick (the slightly revolting man) started talking shortly after being seated.

Bruce: So what do ya do?

Mary: I’m a stand up comedian and I am in the process of writing a script for a hollywood producer. (I think she was bullshitting, but whatever)

Bruce: Really? Are you serious?

mary: Yeah.

Bruce: Is your trip to Chicago business or pleasure?

Mary: I’m originally from Chicago, and moved out of state. My boyfriend is still living here. Unfortunately, it’s a long distance relationship.

Bruce (five minutes after meeting her): that ain’t gonna work, those never work. He is definitely fucking around. He is a man, do you think he is just gonna play with himself?

Mary: Don’t all men play with themselves?

Bruce: Don’t women play with themselves too? Don’t you? Come on, you can tell me?

Mary: (laughing), I’m not answering that.

This went on for a while, until she finally admitted that she did not play with herself, but got the itch after a few weeks, and hence needed to visit her boyfriend. Rick eventually convinced Maria to hire a private investigator for a fee of $1500, so that she can have peace of mind.
So what have you heard on the plane lately?

2

Oh crap, Rick = Bruce, and Maria = Mary. Oh well, i gues the individuals have been revealed.

3

Well… let’s see here.

Airline: ATA
From: Midway, IL
To: Lost Wages, baby!
Scene:

I’m sitting in the back row. Yes, the very back row: first on, last off, but oh so fun to be in when you hit turbulence! :smiley: In the row directly ahead of me are sitting two guys. One of them looks relatively normal and is by the window, the other is sitting by the aisle and… er…

He was wearing two pinky rings on each pinky finger, a freakin’ huge (and very definately FAKE) ring on his left ring finger that I think was supposed to remind the viewer of a gold nugget, a very gaudy and very definately FAKE gold-toned pesudo-Rolex watch, a surprisingly decent shirt that had the top few buttons undone, a few gold chains (assorted thicknesses, all cheap looking), sunglasses with thick (as in, 1/4" easy) gold earpieces that were in some kind of square knotwork pattern, tacky looking rattlesnake skin cowboy boots, and perhaps mercifully I don’t remember what kind of slacks he was wearing.

After a while a rather… er… interesting converstaion starts up between the two guys ahead of me. Unfortunately, I didn’t catch everything that was said but the jist of it is as follows:

Tacky-dude: Oh yeah, I got invited to this $10,000 poker tournament at one of the casino’s this weekend, starts up first thing tomorrow morning. Didn’t decide to go until the last mintue, after all, I wasn’t sure that $10,000 would be worth my time.

Normal-dude: help me… help me…

Tacky dude then goes on to detail all these “strategies” one should use with the various ways to gamble.

Points to ponder: Even I, a non-gambler can tell he’s full of it. Not one of the strategies makes any kind of sense from a mathematical view point, and all of them sounded like he gleaned them from watching too many bad B-movies. Also, if he really was a high-roller like he was trying to claim to be, the casino would have been footing the bill to fly him in, and he sure as hell wouldn’t have been on ATA at the last minute! (Yes, there was a tournament happening that weekend… I didn’t see him there when I went through the place on Sunday.)

<< “The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there’s no law against whacking them around a bit.” --Eric Porterfield. >>

4

Obviously neither of you have ever sat next to/near me on a plane.

I’ve spent two hours explaining the finer points of HTML and javascript to one poor girl… and having a long, drawn out, and very loud discussion about socialism with this other old guy. I will talk about almost anything, and once you get me started I just don’t shut up.

Most of the people are usually staring at me when I get off the plane.

The moral of the story is if you ever sit next to me, hope I’m sleepy or sick… if I’m not, put on your headphones and try not to make eye contact.

5

I will remember that jinwicked. :slight_smile:

6

Am I some sort of freakish introvert? I never talk to anyone on the plane other than traveling companions.

I usually bury my nose in a book or work on some handwork (knitting before 9-11, tatting after) and no one who sat next to me has ever initiated a conversation.

7

Being deaf, none. :slight_smile:

8

I was flying home from Texas when I had this very brief conversation, which still cracks me up.
Very Serious Man: …Bloomington, Indiana?
Me: Yep. Just south of Indianapolis.
VSM: Bob Knight?
Me: Oh yes, Bob Knight.
VSM (Long pause, then in a quiet, confidential tone): Is it all true?
Me: Unfortunately, yes. And more.

He heaved a great sigh and went back to his magazine, and didn’t say another word.

9

Ah me, I lucked out both ways :rolleyes: on a coast to coast trip from San Francisco to Miami. First way was a red-eye…before the plane takes off the trio in front (mom, dad & toddler) make a big production of needing to trade a seat with someone because for some reason they have two seats together and the third elsewhere on the plane. They finally get that taken care of and then mom proceeds to yammer at the kid until we pull out and taxi, then set while we wait for 5 other planes to take off about how it’s the kids VERY FIRST plane ride, and ISN’T IT EXCITING! Yes it IS! [bounce, bounce, tickle] Yes it IS! And how does a plane go? A plane goes VVVVVRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM! Can you say that? [bounce, bounce, poke, hug, tickle] VVVVVVVVVVRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM! Won’t that be fun? [tickle, tickle, wiggle, bounce] So exciting! (etc, etc, etc.) So the plane takes off and the mom drags out the 150 items she’s brought for the child to play with. By this time the child has had complete sensory overload and is absolutely bouncing off the walls. After about a half hour it’s like 11:30 and the whole plane is trying to fall asleep including the mom but kid is not having it. Mom says “Oh you’re giving me such a headache – I can’t understand why you won’t fall asleep?!?” Well DUH! Don’t you remember? It’s her VERY FIRST PLANE RIDE!!! VVVVVVVVRRRRROOOOOOOOMMMMMM! TICKLE TICKLE BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE!

Jebus.

The way back we sat across the aisle from the little boy who had just learned to whistle, and practiced it the entire 6 hour flight. About halfway through the trip the kid behind us figured out that slapping his hands conga-style on his tray table was boffo accompaniment, and did that until my husband turned slowly and said “that’s about enough banging on the table” while giving the kid the look of death. Didn’t seem to bother the kid’s parents at all though. What tha?