:eek: Oh, man, you just described a friend of mine. She has all kinds of worries, fears, insecurity, paranoia, complaints, etc. I do 95% of the giving. It is impossible just to do something with her, say, go to dinner, see a movie, or–God forbid–travel somewhere without several crises, emergencies and traumas. On many occasions we had something planned and she blew it off at the last minute because she had a rotten day or just wasn’t in the mood.
Sorry, didn’t mean to go on that long–and I could have gone on much longer–but I am very tired of it and quite frankly bored with the whole thing. Sigh.
Sorry. We were busy ignoring you. 
No one can ignore me, damnit, I’m cute!
Y’know what we could really use around here? A cute girl. Anyone seen one?
But, back on topic…it seems like a lot of folks have been living with friends/family/SOs that they now deem HM. But, if they didn’t recognize it, previously, does it count?
Sounds kind of Zen-like, but it’s not intended that way.
I would have to say it counts.
I grew up in a home with two of the most seriously high maintenance parents one would never want. They didn’t have this spiffy label then but that doesn’t make them any less draining to live with.
Just a small example.
Monday Father comes home… you say “hi how was work” He jumps all over you for being a *** nag and just like your *** mother.
Tuesday Father comes home… you say nothing. He says "what the *** … you just gonna *** ignore me?
Wednesday repeat Monday
Thurdsday father doesnt come home (yay)
Friday repeat Tuesday. Then have father throw cash at you and yell at you for not having all the bills paid even though he only gives you a third of his check and yet the bills are at least 4 times that value. This is my fault since “all women only *** care about *** money.”
Ummm…that’s not HM. That’s the psycho-Dad from Hell. That’s a whole different (worse) category.
Well he was psychotic … but it was certainly emotionally draining keeping up with the mood of the day. And the constant reassurances he needed that all was right in his little world also made for a long and streesful day.
My psych professor said unofficially that he seems to be Borderline Personality Disorder and quite Narcissistic.
Some people do sap your energy. I had a friend who was always in crisis mode, and the last time we had lunch together, I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Keep in mind that for the last three years, every time I talked to her she had multiple crises. I wanted to talk about my crap a few months ago, when several horrible things happened in one week and she kept interrupting me and refocusing the conversation on her stuff.
I just moved and didn’t bother giving her my new phone number.
I think it counts, even if you didn’t reckognize it as HM when it was happening.
My X best friend was the very definition of HM. She was the typical “only child” (as far as all only child sterotypes go) and was spoiled rotten. Whenever her family moved (her parents were apartment managers, so they moved often) she always got the master bedroom. That’s how spoiled this girl was.
Every time we did anything, it was what she wanted to do. I won’t deny that she was a riot to be around, I wouldn’t have been friends with her if she wasn’t, but it was just easier to give her what she wanted then fight about it.
I remember one time we were in the car, she had just picked me up, and she was silent for about 10 minutes. Wouldn’t speak to me. I finally was able to coax what was wrong out of her. Okay, wait for it…wait for it…
I had my hair done the same as her. This was what I was recieving the silent treatment for. :rolleyes:
At our high school prom, she locked herself in the bathroom crying and had to be coaxed out because…Okay wait for it…wait for it…
Someone had on the same dress as her. We had to take 2 seperate group photos because she…
*didn’t like one of the girls that was going to be in the photo. *So everyone had to pay 40 bucks extra to get a second photo shot.
We ended our friendship of 8 years because I had to miss her college graduation because #1. It was on fathers day and #2. The resteraunt I worked in said they would fire anyone who didn’t show up for work that day (and I couldn’t find anyone to fill in for me). She ended an 8 year friendship over that shit. Well, actually because I refused to grovel any longer and told her to just get the fuck over it.
I had never thought of HM in regards to her before, because I always thought of it in a relationship context. But I think everyone here can agree that she deserves a place in the HM hall of fame.
Urban Ranger, I did mean “zaps” as in:
v. zapped, zap·ping, zaps
a. To destroy or kill with a burst of gunfire, flame, or electric current.
b. To kill or destroy as if by shooting.
Kill or destroy is the key. But, yes, I do tend to use word meanings rather liberally.
[hijack]I appreciate the comments that I understand the meaning of “high-maintenance” in that I seem to attract these type of people (as friends. My husband is only as much high-maintenance as I am–we have a good balance, I think). It’s my fault, I’m sure…I gotta figure out what I’m putting out there.[/hijack]
It’s amusing - I had never thought of the physical stuff (hair, makeup, gifts, etc.) as “high-maintenance.” Vain, or fussy, or materialistic, perhaps, but not high-maintenance. It’s always been about taking up too much emotional space in the relationship/friendship, for me.
One of my college friends, with whom I remained friends until last year, is incredibly HM, partially because she’s depressive but partly because she’s a drama queen. She drops people like a hot potato the first time they do anything that upsets her - whether it actually had anything to do with her or not. Usually, this is accompanied by a public screaming hissy fit. :rolleyes:
My mother is an extremely high maintenance person. Everything is about her, all the time, and one cannot have a conversation about anything without it turning into a therapy session for her. Emotionally she is always in some major crisis, and to top it off, she is also exceedingly vain, needing to be reassured that she looks fine, whatever. If I am talking to my dad, and she is in the room, she will, in not so subtle fashion, hijack the conversation. And of course, the conversation has to be diverted to her latest major problem.
Anything that might be construed as criticism, results in her then either ignoring you, or pointing out everyone else’s faults to divert attention away from hers.
And she wonders why half the time, I utterly refuse to talk to her.
I seem to be a veritable magnet for high-maintenence people of all sorts. For a while, I had to deal with a friend’s girlfriend attempting to use me as her emotional crutch of sorts. She even had the nerve, to try and talk about her problems to me, 2 weeks after my brother had died. As if her latest crisis took precedence.
Now, don’t get me wrong or anything, I have no problem with talking to people about their problems, or helping them feel better. Everyone has those times when they need someone to help them out, or just listen. It is just the people who attach themselves to you and take, take, take, take, without even making an attempt to understand that other people have problems too.
Needless to say, I am very choosy when it comes to people that I date, when maintenence is a major issue with them. I refuse to the host to some emotional parasite.
It is just entirely too draining, and I know way too many of them already.