Inspired by this thread and considering some of the posts that were made in it in this vein, I wonder: What do you consider high maintenance?
Is it something specific to a romantic relationship?
Do you like being or having a SO who is or is not high maintenance?
Do you avoid dating a HM people?
I consider myself HM because I’m moody.
I dated one woman who “looked” HM, but wasn’t at all.
I also dated a woman who played LM very believably but who constantly played games, laid traps and expected me to know her feelings without having to say them out loud. (My definition of high maintenance.)
So, do the clothes make the HMPITA, or is it something else?
I’ve dated men that I consider “high maintenance”. Basically, to me, it’s someone who has a tonne of baggage and is completely unable to relate to another human being without brining the baggage into it.
You know - the usual. Someone who when you hear from them you have no idea who you’re going to be talking to - someone fun and normal that you actually want to spend time with, or some psycho that calls you after 2 dates and threatens to kill themselves if you ever leave them. Or refuses to speak to you because you had a conversation with their friend. Or screams and calls you names because you’re response to their gift wasn’t “enthusiastic” enough.
That’s what I consider high maintenance.
Someone who takes care of themselves and looks after their own needs? Not high maintenance at all, IMHO.
Here’s how I’d define high maintenance. Let’s say that you usually give your SO a “Love you…” before leaving for work. However, this one morning you glance at the TV and notice there is a wreck on your route to work. You also know you have to stop for gas and you have a meeting at 8:00. So, you leave for work early while your SO is still in the shower. The high maintenance SO will brood about not getting their daily “love you.” They’ll spend the rest of the day imagining affairs or other secret going ons.
Then, when you get home, you’ll get the silent treatment or the “why don’t you love me?”
I will run screaming from HM. I am not HM. HM can be a couple of things, it can be emotional as other people have said, and it can be physical, constantly wondering what other people say about you and therefore spending a lot of money/time/resources on physical appearance.
If someone can’t adapt to new situations, that is the biggest indicator of a HM person to me…
They say that successful relationships take work, that you have to give of yourself, etc. A high maintenance relationship (or, being in a relationship with a high maintenance partner) is one that takes substantially more work, giving, etc. than normal.
A high-maintenace car is one that needs lots of care, adjustment, repair, preventive maintenance, special fuel, etc. to stay in good running order. A high maintenance article of clothing is one that requires special care (e.g. dry clean only; tears easily). A high maintenance person is one who needs lots of attention, stuff, etc. to be happy and satisfied.
This may or may not be worth it, from the point of view of someone in a relationship with such a person. You might like having a high-maintenance car, if you’re the kind of person who enjoys spending all weekend polishing it and tinkering under the hood, and if the car is unique enough and classy enough to be worth spending that kind of attention on it. Similarly, you might like having a high-maintenance partner. I, however, would not. I prefer someone who’s easygoing, easily satisfied, and who humbly appreciates good things rather than taking them for granted as her due.
I agree with what the others have posted on how it is more of the person’s mood and personality. To elaborate on the clothes issue, the love of expensive clothes isn’t high maintenance if my S.O. requires that I go out and buy them for her, or it means that she can’t pay her bills in a responsible manner. Provided that other person can afford it and isn’t living hand to mouth, so what?
Is it really any different than having the latest video games or electronic accessories. My wife likes good clothing and spends some money on it. She has quite a few pairs of shoes and more purses than I would ever think necessary. However, she could care less about the latest electronic toy, cellphone, computer, etc. As long as the TV works and is larger than 18 inches, she is happy. As long as the computer connects her to the Internet and lets her read her news sites, fine. She is frugal with regards to most things.
High maintenance is more the amount of energy that you have to spend guessing their individual moods etc or wondering what it is that you did wrong.
A friend of mine used to say that the worst kind of relationship was with a high maintenance woman who thinks that she is low maintenance. He dated a girl who low key with make up, clothing, and other assorted girly things and liked sports, but was always playing mind games and giving him the cold shoulder. She always proclaimed for all to hear that she was low maintenance.
High maintenance is someone who is never happy with what the average person would consider to be normal emotional care or pulling of weight in a relationship.
To wit: I know a girl who will send her boyfriend to the movie theater to buy her “movie popcorn” to eat at home.
Her boyfriends are sort of expected to want to shovel her driveway.
When the term first came into use, HM meant a high-performance sports car, something you’d have to put a lot of work into it to keep it running properly. However, having put that effort into it, what you had was one hell of a car.
Nowadays, HM means a junker that requires just as much effort and money just to keep it barely running.
I have a friend who is HM in the classic sense. She is moody, needy, in need of constant reassurance, ego-stroking, and support. However, when she has had all that taken care of, she is one of the most amazingly loving, helpful, creative people I have ever met. Sings like an angel, writes songs to match.
Other friends are HM in the modern sense; they are constant drains on my energy, time and resources, and what I get back is just basic friendship. Not really worth the effort.
Emotional HM doesn’t really bother me. Barring emergencies, there’s a set limit of emotional effort I’m willing to put into a beginning relationship, and after that I’ll just kind of go do something else. So while I’m fine with girls being high maintenance, they’re usually not fine with my level of response, if that makes any sense. Drama in general just gets a blank look and a sigh from me and if she wants to leave, fine, I won’t cry about it.
Financial HM is actually not bad, it can be great fun to indulge a woman with good taste, but it’s only fun if she has the means to do it herself when you’re not around.
I’ve always defined HM similar to ** jjimm** in that in my experience, HM girls are pretty selfish and/or insecure. Everything’s always about them, even if it really isn’t, or shouldn’t be.
I’d say you’re with someone who’s HM if you feel that you constantly have to be on your guard and think about what you are saying/doing for fear of their reaction.
I’ve never had an HM SO but have had many HM co-workers.
When other posters have mentioned the trade-off aspect of HM that’s the first thing I thought of.
In a romantic relationship you get to sleep with the HM person. (If you buy them their freaking super sprecial ice cream from the market on the other side of town and not from the warehouse grocery store that’s on the way home.)
