Happened again this morning–someone handed me a tract and talked about Jesus “coming back.”
I’ve been hearing about Jesus “coming back” for the past fifty years. WTF is he getting here?
From previous experience, I’d say around noon Sunday – he appears to me every other Sunday about that time to cut my lawn, trim the hedges, etc. 
He’s around, I saw him blowing leaves in the parking lot at work. At least his name tag said Jesus.
After Eli and Quinn the Eskimo but before those four guys on horses.
I’m guessing 7:30 next Tuesday.
He will return, when YOU accept him into your heart.
Its on you my friend.
Naw, that’s Huitzilopochtli. Only, you accept him into other people’s hearts. 
He’ll probably show up in a double feature with the Great Prophet Zarquon.
Maybe never, unless you learn to ask nicely…
The Earth is 14.6 billion years old.
Jesus was just here 2,000 years ago… he just left a second ago, cosmically speaking. What’s the rush?
He came back in the early '70s. He was born to a young Irish woman in Boston and grew up with a serene wisdom that touched all those around him. But after being repeatedly raped by the Catholic priest at his local church he killed himself at 16.
Sadly that’s a mortal sin, so he’s in hell for the rest of eternity. Ironically, being raped by priests.
He’s back, and He cooks up some good authentic Mexican cuisine.
Lenny Bruce in “Christ and Moses” had them coming back and visiting St. Patrick’s in New York. (Words don’t appear to be online.) Cardinal Spellman calls up Pope John to tell him.
“Some guys dropped in. I can’t talk now. Who? <singing> ‘With a cross of um um’. No, not Zorro!”
And, as chaos ensues as the lepers arrive, Spellman ends with
“What are we paying protection for, anyway?”
Next Friday, I’ve got an appointment with him.
Not acording to the Jehovas Witness…so, thats like 6000 years only.
Polycarp, care to share your interesting viewpoint on this subject?
Be fair, homo sapiens has only been around for a couple of hundred thousand years, so it was about 14 or 15 minutes ago, humanly speaking. Who expects anyone to wait that long?
Roddy
It depends. Does Jesus have tenure?
He seems to be closed on Sundays. I hear Satan’s is open all day everyday.
When will Jesus come?
Well, Annie, you know, when two guys love each other very, very much…
Why’d he leave in the first place?