A wedding invitation is not a summons; you have many excellent reasons for not going - just send a gift and your regrets. Perhaps offer to take her and her new husband out for a nice dinner when they get back in town, but so sorry, we simply cannot attend your wedding.
Isn’t the Carribean cheaper in summer?
But it sounds like it isnt for you and you should just bail.
I would hope anyone who has a destination wedding would undersatnd that not everyone can go (money, work schedule, whatever)
Brian
Nobody should ever feel guilty for being unwilling or unable to attend any event. It’s a party. If you don’t want to go for whatever reason, don’t go. Unless or until the bride judges her friends (completely inappropriately) for not attending, it’s a non-issue.
Frankly, I think a lot of destination weddings are the opposite of “attention whore”. They say “We want to invite a lot of people, because we feel obligated, but we don’t want a big wedding.” In Seinfeld terms, there’s a lot of unvitations. A nonvite.
If there is an inevitable guilt trip, then it sounds, frankly, like your friend is an enormous boor whose ideas of propriety and etiquette should probably not be considered in any situation.
Forget about the wedding, I’d go anyway just to watch this happen.
Is that how they’re SUPPOSED to land? Cause, :eek:
You don’t have to go for a whole week, though. Fly in a day or so before, go to the wedding, head out.
If you really don’t want to go, then don’t. But the whole ‘blah I hate the beach’ thing isn’t the point. I’m practically allergic to the sun and not a beach fan, but I’ve been to a friend’s wedding on St. Thomas.
Sure, but by itself this is an attention-grabber, isn’t it? “Oooo look at me, I’m getting married in the Carribbean…because we can afford to…come, if you can afford it.”
Seems to be kind of one-upmanship to me.
Yeah, but it’s also hurricane season. If the OP needs another reason to bail. 
My opinion? Don’t ever go to an event you don’t want to–whatever the reason.
It sounds like you tried to make atricky situation as acceptable as possible to everyone, which IMO is the best you can do. On the other hand, some poeple don’t seem to exercise the same consideration as you.
I am absolutely fine with travelling to a wedding somewhere where one or both of the couple have an association - be that where they live now, where they grew up, where they met or whatever. I’m distinctly less fine with travelling halfway across Europe to somewhere just because they thought it was a nice place to get married and it looked pretty in the brochure. IMO it’s fine to get married wherever you want, but if someone actually wants their family and friends there and cares about their needs, they will try to make it more convenient rather than go out of their way to make it difficult. If someone only wants a small wedding and that doesn’t include me, I would prefer they not invite me at all, than make me feel guilty by having to turn down the invite, or accept and spend money to be somewhere I’m not wanted.
This is her dream of her lifetime and she wants you to be pat of it. Now if you can’t you can’t, but if it is the wish of her heart and you help that come true I believe God will bless that greatly, perhaps you will find that trip totally enjoyable and refreshing, perhaps it will open doors in the future to things you can’t consider now. But I feel that she whats you to be part of her life, which if you go you will, and always have her good thoughts towards you.
:rolleyes:
She couldn’t not invite you; she’s your friend and she’s getting married. How rude would it be of her to think, “Well, we’re getting married far away so we won’t bother to invite the Slugs.” They are telling you that you are welcome at their wedding. It’s not a summons.*
They know few people actually will be able to attend except close family, and that will save them the added expense of a huge reception, as noted above. I agree that you should keep your eyes out for superbargain airfares, just in case you should be able to score something. But don’t sweat it.
*I did this 15 years ago and I regret it. I didn’t invite two of my out-of-state cousins to my wedding because I knew they wouldn’t come. What stupidity was that? They were almost all the family I had in the world, and I blew it. One of them certainly couldn’t have afforded even a modest gift, and I didn’t want her to feel obligated; still, I should have invited her. Crap, crap, crap.
As the OP has said, the money isn’t the issue. But time is valuable as well. Destination weddings aren’t just about the expense of the guests getting there, it is also a time investment for them as well. This isn’t just a few hours on a Saturday, it is several days of your life. Since the OP has said they don’t like beach destinations, I would feel no qualms about “bailing”, and neither should the friends that invited the OP.
Your post seems to be trying to take offense at a destination wedding. I’ll admit I’m a bit prejudiced against them, but mostly towards destination weddings where, for whatever reason, the bride (or groom) thinks that everyone is going to come because they haaaaaaaave to because it’s our special DAY!!!.
If there’s a destination wedding but they completely understand that you cannot make it, that is totallydifferent.
Then don’t go. Regardless of anything else, nobody wants a guest at a wedding who doesn’t want to be there, much less one who actively wants to be elsewhere.
I always assume that destination weddings are planed that way because the bride and groom don’t really want a lot of guests - not because they expect people to shell out thousands to attend.
Send your regrets (when you receive the invite) send a gift if you like, a card for sure, and don’t feel bad about it.
As to In Winnipeg’s comments - HUH? Hubby and I had a local wedding and we would have SAVED a bundle if we had just flown to the Bahamas (or somewhere) and got married there. If you’re put out because someone you know had a destination wedding that you couldn’t afford to attend, be annoyed with them for having it, you for not being able to afford it, or the heavens for making things work out the way they did. Don’t project your crap onto some couple that you don’t even know.