Well, having a background in psychology, I tend to want to know more about motivation and mental health. There are lots of things that people do that give them pleasure, but it doesn’t mean that their motivation is always mentally healthy.
By being completely dominated, control is taken out of his hands - he has to control things all day as a VP (I have no cite, but I recall reading a book written by a former london dominatrix [who, like most professional dommes was actually not a prostitute] where she states that some ridiculously high figure, like 95%, of her clients were in positions of ‘authority’ - VPs, cops, MPs etc). When he unwinds, he wants someone else to be the boss, to tell him what to do and to make him do it. He can do all the dirty, depraved things that a lot of people really want to do but are too squeamish to, and it’s okay because she “made” him do it.
Then you get into the pain. People whitter on and on about that damnable “runner’s high”. There’s also a kind of high a sub (or any person) can get when there’s pain play involved. You’re hurt, your body releases endorphins. So you’ve got the natural rush of sexual excitement, topped with a heady buzz of endorphins released when your butt was paddled to stinging. It’s a very, very potent combination.
My orientation as far as preference toward domination/submission in the bedroom seems to be either hardwired or rooted so far in early childhood I can’t remember. It’s always excited me. I know that’s a sample size of one but it’s as much a part of my built in sexual orientation as to what extent I prefer to be with a male or female partner. And frankly, not to drag this into pit territory, I really find it somewhat offensive to hear that you “just can’t view it as mentally healthy.” Now, the depression that runs in my family and leads to suicidal ideation and other nasty, nasty outcomes is mentally unhealthy. Liking to tie up or be tied up is just fucking dandy compared to that, thank you very much.
Sexuality is whacky and very, very personal to each human being. I go with the safe, sane, and consensual mantra, and have pretty hard limits on who is capable of giving consent, for that matter. After that, I suppose there’s no reason I should give a damn that somebody else finds my kink weird. It’s not something for which I can explain a motivation since, as I said, it seems to be wired in. I try and extend the courtesy of not judging other peoples’ kinks as I’d rather mine not to be judged and leave it at that.
If we don’t look at motivation, we learn nothing about human behaviour.
This is generally my attitude. I don’t have to like something in order to shrug and say, “Hey, whatever.” As long as y’all are consenting adults, feel free to roll around in each other’s feces or whatever works for you. Id on’t have to be part of your scene.
But my wife recently told me about a new trend in cosmetic surgery: women getting hymen reconstruction surgery as an anniversary present for their husbands. And my god, but that squicks me out.
Daniel
You can learn about human behaviour without generalizing in a fashion that is bound to be quite hurtful to a number of people. Really, you can. Broadbrushing that you think behaviour you admittedly don’t understand is mentally unhealthy may not be the best approach to learning more about the subject.
I think you may be trying to be too PC - I’m not trying to be hurtful, but I think the underlying motivation for wanting to be dominated and hurt may not be a healthy thing. Like I said, just cause it’s pleasurable doesn’t make it healthy. I’d like to know that those who do this type of behaviour are otherwise successful, happy people - my suspecions are that they are not.
I am a happy, successful person. Everything in my life is the way I like it, and want it. I will be continuing my education soon to be become an architect. My IQ is high (but just a number, however, I’m certainly not dumb as a doorknob). I am stress-free, and maintain a happy, pleasant household. I am happily married to a man who I know adores me, and I him. We are beyond financially stable, we are worth several hundred thousand dollars right now. Not mega-rich, no, but certainly not poor. I paint and sculpt in my spare time, I like to knit, crochet, and bead… I’m learning to sew.
I’m also a sub. I love to dominate sometimes, too. The play, the fantasy, the hurt, the pay off, it’s all so delicious. Anticipation - not knowing if I will receive pleasure or pain. I love it. Dressing up in leather, or vinyl? Heels, chains? So fun, so sexy! Why is it sexy? Probably becase I associate those things with sex, as tools. Like vibrators or other sex toys, they are the props that signify the fun is about to begin!
I had a happy childhood. I was never beat. My parents never divorced and are still hppy together today. No drinking, no drugs. I drink sometimes, and my parents know it, they just ask that I be responsible. I wasn’t overprotected, nor was I underprotected. I had a couple of bad, life-lesson type relationships, however, I was like this before those relationships. I’ve always been like this, since I discovered my own sexuality.
To each their own, I say. My thoughts on vanilla sex? They must be severely repressed. They don’t know what they’re missing. 
I’m going to have to pipe in and say, it’s just the way it is. Are men who like it when their wives dress up in babydoll outfits secret pedophiles? Were women who have a thing for guys in uniform molested by policemen at a very young age? Are people who like anal really just closet fecophiles?
The answer is, of course, not usually. Like Soylent Green, tastes vary from person to person. Stop trying to infer a deep dark secret motivation into a behavior that you don’t understand, MelC. I’m not trying to be insulting, but your assumptions are broadcasting your ignorance. If you aren’t too squeamish, read Different Loving, which explores this type of urge pretty thoroughly. If you can’t be bothered, though, feel free to take our word for it.
I understand that you just want to know why people like this stuff. But you’ve got to remember: for every practice you think is weird or mentally unhealthy, there’s something else that YOU do (sex-related or otherwise) that someone else thinks means you yourself are in immediate need of a psychiatrist. If you think about it long enough, you will come up with something that you think is perfectly normal, or maybe a little unusual but “not that bad,” and someone else is making the same assumptions about you - that you must be mentally ill to enjoy such things - as you are about people who like to visit a dominatrix.
I guarantee you that LOTS of people who are into bdsm are happy and successful. In fact you probably know lots of people who are into it to some extent; they just haven’t told you their private business.
I would also recommend reading Different Loving if you want to get more information on the subject.
Maybe some of these successful business think of it as atonement for fucking people over on the way up the corporate ladder? I mean , they have it all, power, money, and influence. The love of a good woman would just be much for their greedy asses to handle, emotionally. because if a good woman knew half the shit these guys were into, they would’nt piss in their ear if their brains were on fire. ooh is there a market for that , too?
[QUOTE=MelCthefirst]
Okay, I thought I was quite open minded when it came to sex - using all available orifices: great, toys: cool, no-strings sex: fine - but the other day I met a guy who is by day a general manager of a middle sized company by night wants dominatrix type sex. That’s with pain etc. You could say the classic customer - has power and control through the day but for sex wants someone else to take over, but not only take over, treat him mean and hurt him. For me, hurting someone deliberately is just not a turn on, and sex needs to be fun for both parties - so I’m not going anywhere with him, but it has got me thinking. I really think that this is not a healthy way to have sex - even if it is consensual for both parties and they both enjoy it - I just can’t view it as mentally healthy. Maybe some of these successful businessmen think of that shit as some sort of twisted atonement for fucking people over on the way up the corporate ladder? I mean, they have it all, power, money, influence. The love of a good woman would just be too much for their greedy asses to handle. If a good woman knew half the shit these guys were into, they would’nt piss in their ear if their brains were on fire. Ooh, is there a market for that , too?