You two make me sick. All you care about is yourselves. And your money. Now your 87 year old Mother is sick and alone and has to move out of her apartment she’s been in for the last 15 years and you say you can’t help her?? Instead you have to save for your retirement?? WTF is that? You just rented a Villa in Italy for one month for your own vacation!!! You drive a Porche, you own a beautiful house with horses, you spend money on getting a face lift (which did no good I might add) but you can’t help your own mother in her last years left on this earth??!?!? Is this the example of how you want me to treat you when you get old? I just can’t understand how you could do this? What is wrong with you? As far as I’m concerned I could live the rest of my life in peace without ever hearing from or seeing you again. You just disgust me with your greed and selfishness. And now here I am having to decide how to help my Grandmother whom I love so very much. Knowing that you could care less what the hell happens to her. I can harldy afford to pay my own rent but that’s not going to stop me from doing whatever it takes to keep my own Grandmother from living on the street. It hardly seems fair that I should have to take this on all by myself. That I should have to go it alone while I see the horrible pain in her face and in her voice about how her children don’t care. And how much that makes me hate you. And then add on top of that the years of misery it’s been being your daughter, and that makes me hate you even more. I’ve never been a person who hates - until now. And God forgive me for it.
There are many many people who do nothing for their aging parents-- they’ll be repaid by dying, alone, in a group home, never getting visits from their kids or grandkids.
My folks can pretty much count on seeing all of their kids (or at least two out of four) whenever they damn well want.
dreamer–I don’t have any helpful advice or insightful answers for you. I just wanted to stop in and tell you that I’m so so happy that your grandmother has at least one person who loves her and is looking out for her. Too many of our nation’s elderly live lonely, sequestered lives and it’s a damn shame considering the life experience they have to share. Bless you.
I have seen things like this dozens of times, but in this case familiarity does not breed understanding.
When I think back on what my parents, my uncles, my aunts (both spouses of my uncles), my cousins, and my siblings and I went through when my Grandmother was leaving us, all I can remember is how much joy she gave us and what a wonderful woman she was.
I don’t think any of us really care any more about all the crap we had to deal with from her second husband, his family, probate court, or anything else.
My mother and her brothers did everything they possibly could to take care of her.
My sibs and I will do everything we can for my parents, whenever they need anything.
Why do we assume that people are lovely just because they are old? Maybe grandma wasn’t very nice to her kids and is reaping what she sowed? My mother was a bitch from hell, I swear she died at 62 because she knew I was looking forward to choosing her nursing home if she did as her own mother did and hung on for another 30 years. She may well have been a lovely grandma had I ever bred but she sure as hell was worthless and cruel as a mother all my life and although I like to think I would have afforded her basic decency and dignity as a human being if I had been put in the position of being responsible for her in her dotage I think she was wise to kick off when she did and not take the chance.
Revenge can be a very strong force. You may be seeing it played out here.
Hmmm, as harsh as it sounds, farkle might have a point. Then again, maybe not. Have you asked your mother and/or uncle if something may have happened to incur this hatred? Maybe there is a reason for their behavior. If not, to hell with them!
Yes, farkle may have a small point. I know my Grandmother was not the best mother, but I also know that she was not a badmother either. My Mother and Uncle have always been into their money. Money has been an issue with them since I can remember. They hold their money in high regard as if it’s their lifeline and it is (as they have stated) the most important thing in life. My Grandmother obviously didn’t plan for her old age wisely, but when my Grandfather was sick she spent the last years of his life taking care of him and maybe she could of kept on working during that time to save some money for herself, but she didn’t. My Mother and Uncle have said in the past that they would support her and “not to worry”. And now they just all of a sudden change their minds and expect me to take care of it all. I could not imagine asking my daughter to take care of my own Mother because I didn’t want too. That’s just wrong. Even though I can barely stand the sight of my Mother right now, I would not disown her like this in her time of need.
Eve - if she had that gem-encrusted Maltese Falcon in her possession, I would much rather have it now to put her in a nice retirement home, than have it for myself. It’s a nice thought though .
farkle may have more of a point than you think.You might know (or think you know) that your grandmother wasn’t abusive, but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t a bad mother. Have you ever actually asked your mother and uncle why they won’t help her?If so, I doubt very much that they said " I love her, and she was a wonderful mother,but I don’t want to spend my money on her?" Perhaps they got their attitude about money and sacrifice from your grandmother.
No one outside my family would have called my father a bad father. We didn’t walk around unfed, dressed in tattered clothes or covered in bruises.If he outlives my mother, his children will pay for his nursing home or home care, but that’s it. He will not be living with any of us, and it’s unlikely that we will be frequent visitors. Why? He never did anything to inspire our love or respect. He took absolutely no interest and had no involvement in any of our lives.He sacrificed nothing, not even an hour of watching TV for either us or our mother. When money was tight, and needing a $10 pair of sneakers required adjustment to the budget,my mother would have to go without lunch before he’d give up a six pack or two.In the summer he would leave for the beach before we woke up, so that he didn’t have to take us. No one outside the family would know these things, and we don’t make it a point to tell our children about them, but they surely affect how we feel, as any one of us would do anything our mother needed.
Doreeni
doreen - I guess that could be the case, considering I feel that way about my Mother (actually worse than that). I rarely speak to my Mother and if we do communicate it’s by email. And I never speak to my Uncle. At this point I don’t want to talk to either one of them. Maybe they think I’m the horrible daughter, I don’t know and I guess I don’t really care anymore. All my Grandmother needs is a few hundred bucks a month to get her by. I will scrape all I can to help, but it just sickens me that they won’t help and they have so much. My Grandmother has been working up until about a month ago when she fell ill, and now has to move. She lives on Social Security and is on a government low income housing program already. Now that she cannot work anymore she’s really going to be hurting, and obviously so will I.
I could understand if they really have that much hatred for her and I that they wouldn’t want to give a penny to help, but they have said just weeks ago that they would, and I don’t know what has changed.
I think I’m going to move away to a Caribbean Island somewhere far far away and take my Grandma with me.
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