No, not at all, Half Man, Half Wit, your observation is spot-on and it’s a major paradox-problem affecting gender activism.
To state it starkly, a person in my position is either saying “there are differences between the boys and the girls, but I’m different, I need to be seen as one of the girls” or else “the attributed differences between the boys and the girls is an illusion, a lie, and I’m not an exception because we’re all pretty much the same under the hood”.
But if I go the first route, I’m perpetuating the “boys are like this and girls are like that” attitudes and expectations that I’m complaining about when they’re directed at me. I’m leaving the fence intact while demanding to be allowed to hop the fence to the other side in some sense.
Going the second route looks “cleaner” —denying that the socially-believed differences actually exist and that therefore we’re all victims of sexist stereotyping and restrictive gender roles and all that —but then I’m telling people I know more about how and who they are than they do: “Oh, no, you only think you’re a conventionally masculine male and that all the stuff you grew up hearing about how boys and men are different from girls are women do indeed apply to you? Not at all, sir, not at all, you’re a victim of sexist propaganda and I’m here to liberate you!”
Me, I’m trying to steer this conversation down the excluded middle: the notion that there are generalizations which, as generalizations, do accurately apply, but that, as with most generalizations, there are exceptions to the rule, and that I speak as an example of one of those exceptions, and that we, the exceptions, exist as a minority. It’s closer to the first version but more nuanced — I’m seeking to modify the notions about the differences so as to include more social awareness of the exceptions and what our experience is like, while still granting that the generalization is valid as a generalization. That’s different from insisting on the correctness of the existing notions of difference while wanting “special snowflake” status for myself and also different from attacking the entire generalization as flat-out wrong.