I’m going to do that thing where I don’t limit the topic much… So anything outside the gender binary and heteronormativity is on-topic.
If you don’t think any of that exists, or you don’t like it, or whatever, please start your own thread. Thanks.
Anyway. I know there are some Dopers who identify as genderqueer. I’m currently questioning my gender (as well if its something important enough to pick a different label for). I don’t want to make this thread about me. What I would like is to hear from others how they decided what gender they were, and why, and whatever else they want to share.
And I’m sure at some point I’m going to say something wrong. Please just correct me nicely; I don’t mean offense, I’m just ignorant.
I’m wondering what genderqueer means. I know there are males, females and those who could be either sex and those who are neither.
Tonight on the news Rick Santorum (sp) said that about marriage, he believes there should be only one law about it in this country.
I thought Yeah. It’s simple. Let anybody who wants to get married, do.
To me, any discussion about gays is so “old-news” that it makes me yawn.
I have been interested, tho, in how some transgenders are perceived. If they like “this” sex, they’re gay. If they like “this” sex, they’re sexist against their own gender (or something like that. One of the reasons I’m interested is because I can’t even figure out what the question is.)
No. As floaty points out, one can be prepubescent and still be aware of one’s sex. Genderqueer people, and I am not one so do not take what I say as definitive, do not feel that their conception of the relation between their body and their mind and its perception by others to fit in the boxes of male and female and they have determined genderqueer more accurately defines their state. This, at least, is my understanding but it’s not a topic I have really looked into.
Before puberty, I knew I was a girl. At thirteen I had a revelation-type-moment in which I was able to distinguish my affection for female rock stars from affection for boy-band hotties. (Want to touch the boys, do not care if I touch the girls at all.)
I’m straight.
I know genderqueer people. Most of the queers I know are fairly defined gays. Girls who like girls and have since childhood as I liked boys, or boys who like boys and have since childhood as I did. They identified with their biological sex, though. Just your run-of-the-mill gay people, I suppose.
I knew a few college lesbians (types who don’t date men in college, but seem to swing from lesbian to straight-ish after college) who got pregnant. That is probably the only genderqueer identification I don’t fully understand. But I guess everyone gets her revelation at different times. Maybe they were going through the mental part of puberty late? Just hadn’t thought through it earlier as I had? Can you be bisexual in virtue of liking different sexes at different times or does it have to be, you like both and only personality matters?
I am personally fascinated by biological hermaphrodites. I suppose even psychological hermaphrodites (“man in a woman’s body” and even “gay man in a woman’s body”) are really biological hermaphrodites, since psychology is biology as well. I wish we could test everyone and see how truly varied the spectrum is, even if most people are pretty straight. I would just want to set the record straight.
I don’t identify as genderqueer, but I understand the inclination. I’m not very attached to my gender. If pressed, I would say I’m a neuter (though I’m all-female down there). My wardrobe contains signs of feminimity, but I tend to dress androgynously. Often I will wear a skirt, but with a men’s shirt. I have worn guy sneakers before because I don’t like the color schemes in women’s shoes. Traditional “womanly” customs have never come naturally to me, and thus whenever I follow them, I usually have a coach standing nearby to tell me if I’m doing it “right”.
I don’t feel masculine or feminine. Whenever I try to imagine myself in a relationship, I don’t know if I’d be the nurturer or the protector. The person who would carry the baby or the person who would do the inseminating. I enjoy beauty and I can appreciate a good-looking person. But when I see a good-looking guy, I think, “If I were a guy, I would want to look like that.” A good-looking woman just makes me think, “She’s very pretty.” I have never looked at a picture of a pretty woman and felt the desire to emulate her style.
My gender identity–or lack of–is not something I treat seriously enough to put a label on. “Genderqueer” is a political statement, and I’m too detached from my gender to really think of it in terms of politics. I’m sure other people have noticed my neutrality, but it never comes up in conversation like my race does. I do not how how it has affected my life, if at all. Also, realizing that gender identity and sexuality can change as one becomes better acquainted with themselves, I am afraid to label myself and then have to issue an errata. That is why, when asked, I say that I’m asexual today. It leaves the door open for future happenings.
Do we have a definition of “genderqueer” to work with here?
Like monstro I’ve always seen it as political as much as anything else. I’ve been accused of it on occasion, just as I’ve been “accused” of being a dyke. What I am is a heterosexual tomboy but apparently that confuses some people. Does that count? I don’t know.
This is a learning experience for me. Thanks for starting the thread Silver Tyger.
For the sake of discussion and so as to not have a whole string of Replys here, these points pique my interest:
at 12 I also knew my sex but was unclear about my sexuality. That might be attributed to early sex abuse, does anyone think?
the idea that a person might be attracted to either sex because they’re drawn to a paticular personality trait—I can see that. But isn’t that also what makes us desire to make friends?
that psychology is biology sure seems right to me, but is that a generally accepted view? (I’m woefully behind the times in ways.)
the word “genderqueer” is a political statement. How? For what gain? Has this been known in sub-cultures and is an underground movement? because I’d never heard of the word before now.
Interesting thread. It made me realize that I didn’t really know the definition of gender, so I looked it up. According to Merriam-Webster:
a : sex <the feminine gender>
b : the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex
According to (b), I suppose I’d be considered “genderqueer.” Like Broomstick, I’ve been “accused” of being a “dyke” or, more often, of being “too manly.”
I do know that I don’t usually fit in with a group of women. (Actually, I rarely fit in with even one woman.) Even with couples, my interests usually align more with the male than the female. I don’t see my behavior as “manly” though. I’ve just always had to find my own way in life and have learned to do what needs to be done. Being what is considered traditionally feminine has never worked out for me!
Being a heterosexual extreme tomboy? I don’t think so - but because you don’t fit traditional gender stereotypes you do get some friction and crap dumped on you. And you confuse people who want everyone conveniently pigeonholed.
Thing is, I never doubted I was a girl and I never doubted I was attracted to men and not women. Never was a “college lesbian”, never “experimented” with homosexual anything, was never questioning of all that. No desire ever for women, no fantasies about them - really, I’m totally pegged to the heterosexual extreme of the Kinsey scale.
I just tend to prefer activities normal considered male domains (like quite a few traditionally female ones as well). I tend to prefer attire with pants and shirts over skirts and dresses. I’ve worked at jobs considered masculine, like construction.
So… as far as sexual identity is concerned nope, can’t say I’m queer at all, quite the opposite. As far as society’s views of certain activities as “gendered”, though, the label might fit me.
I never worked construction but I did work on a farm and stuff. I don’t have a single skirt or dress that I wear. I do, tho, have a single skirt and dress that hang in the closet “just in case.”
I, too, like a lot of things that I guess are considered masculine. But one time when my nieces came down for vacation, we spontaneously started talking about putting sun-streaks in our hair, and why we liked “this” clothes style and not “that.” So I quess my femine side isn’t completely dormant. And I’ve got kids, so…
I often call myself techno-dumb. Maybe I’m also gender-bender.
Is there anyone in pop-culture or Hollwood that you can point to as being genderqueer? Tilda Swinton seems like she might be a candidate. But then I’m saying that just from watching her in movies! (Constantine, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, etc.)
