Some random thoughts on the AFLAC duck

The BBQ Pit
#1

The duck is on a roller coaster. I cringe.

The duck is in a crowd at pro wrestling. I shudder.

You have the duck on an airplane. I suppress my gag reflex.

Time passes. The commercials don’t go away. They are on my television with increased frequency.

I cry.
I break things.
I am on my 7th television.
I need help.

Here’s a splintered broom handle for the collective ass of the ad agency for coming up with this crap. Here’s forty-seven paper cuts, washed in lemon juice for Gilbert Gottfried for providing the voice. Here’s a giant kick in the crotch for everyone who has enjoyed these commercials, and voiced their opinion, thus leading AFLAC to make more of these 30 second torture devices.

I want to kill this duck. I WILL kill this duck. I will buy a smell-hound for the sole purposes of stalking the AFLAC building. I will buy Ginsu knives, and keep them in the packaging until I catch this raspy, discordant little bastard. I want to use his feathers to wipe my ass, use his beak for an ashtray, and turn his legs into some sort of modern art collage involving thumbtacks, photos of Jim J. Bullock, and half eaten life savers. I want to take his remaining body, cover it in a lovely lemon herb glaze, cook it for dinner, and send it to the home of AFLAC’s director of marketing over the holidays. But first I’d fill it with laxatives, dirty kitty litter and methamphetamines.
His days are numbered. :mad:

#2

HEY! Don’t you be insulting and doing bodily harm to my brother!!!

#3

I don’t care about the duck one way or another. Do what you will. But please, for the love of Bob, while you’re at it, please do the same to that goddamned Hardee’s singing biscuit? I’ve stopped watching television altogether because of that*. Someone let me know when it’s safe to turn on the TV again…

[sub]*actually, maybe that’s a good thing…[/sub]

#4

The AFLAC duck doesn’t do a thing for me, but lordy oh lordy did I love that Bathroom Duck of a few years ago. You know, the relative of Toilet Duck? He’d come winging in on his biplane, wearing a leather bomber jacket and aviator’s cap, quacking that bathroom clean and shiny! Whoo-hooo!

I think that’s when I started to suspect how weak my sense of humor really was, when I found myself laughing at that duck for the 100th time.

#5

Oh dear God I loved that duck. Those commercials killed me, enough to the point where just reading your post made me just die with laughter.

#6

It’s a good thing I’ve never seen the commercial you speak of. My boiling pot of rage only has room for one duck at a time, and after I get the AFLAC duck, I got my eyes on BlinkingDuck. :wink:

Besides, I might actually be able to learn to love a duck that cleans my bathroom.

#7

The first ad made sense, sort of. You know, two guys in the park on lunch, feeding the ducks, discussing their lack of supplemental insurance all the while oblivious that the duck they’re feeding is saying “AFLAC” instead of “quack quack.” I admit, I thought it was kinda cute.

But now it seems contrived. They realized people would get bored if all they showed was people in the park feeding ducks while discussing insurance. How often does that really happen, anyway? So they had to think of new scenarios to keep it “fresh.”

I thought they were stretching plausibility when the duck invaded the couple’s marital bed. I’m not amused in the least by the duck on the roller coaster, flying alongside the airplane, etc. My husband still seems to think it’s cute, though. At least he seems to think I’m being too picky when I criticize the commercials myself.

#8

I work for a company that brokers AFLAC products, and all this time, I thought I was the only one with such seething hatred toward that damn duck. I hate AFLAC for so many other reasons though…

You go to Hell, AFLAC duck.
You go to Hell and you die!

#9

I’m with Cranky and This Year’s Girl on this one. The Toilet Duck cracked me up every time, but the AFLAC duck must die.

#10

OOOOOhhhh, that AFLAC duck makes me want to puke. I swear, I will NEVER buy an AFLAC product as long as that duck is on the air or in memory.

AFLAC, they used to do some quality advertising. Remember a few years ago when they had those people falling down commercials, like the one where the jogger ran into a sign or pole or something, and the old guy fell out of the lawn chair? Now THAT was a product I could get behind. I laughed my ass off at those commercials, no matter how many times they came on. And had I been of insurance buying age, I’d have bought their product whether I needed it or not, simply because they had people falling down.

My theory is that some covert operation is underway to take down the organization from the inside, using marketing nazis with an uncanny ability to appear earnest in the light of their treachery. The company will collapse as a result of this one campaign; believe me, it’s happened before.

#11

I don’t know if this will help, mouthbreather, but the next time the name of the star of “Pearl Harbor” and “Armageddon” comes up, try pronouncing it “Ben AFLAC”, in the duck’s voice. Your friends will love you for it. :smiley:

#12

A duck walks into a bar and sits down. “Can I have a beer?” he asks. The bartender, busy cleaning some pint glasses, turns around, throws his towel down, and says, “We don’t serve ducks in this bar. Now get out.”

The duck leaves, but comes back the next day. He sits down, and asks, “Hey bartender, how about a beer?” Visibly annoyed, the bartender lowers his voice, and firmly says, “We do NOT serve ducks in this bar. Get out NOW.” Taken a bit aback, the duck leaves.

The next day, wouldn’t you know it, the duck wanders back into the bar, and hops up on a stool. “How about a pint of the good stuff, bartender?” Completely pissed, the bartender spins around, grabs the duck by the neck, and screams, “We DO NOT serve ducks in this bar! If you ever come back in here, I’m going to nail your stinking webbed feet to this bar, and hit you with a baseball bat! NOW GET OUT!” Calmly but quickly, the duck makes his exit.

But then the very next day, coming right through the door of that tavern, in walks that SAME DUCK! He hops up on a stool, and then straight up onto the bar itself, and stands eye to eye with the bartender! The bartender, fuming, is twisting and wringing his bar towel in his hands. “Well?”

The duck asks, “Got any nails?”

“NO!”, the bartender replies.
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“AFLAC!”

[sub]I’m really sorry. I just had to do it. The real punchline is, “Then can I have a beer?” But I just couldn’t pass this chance up. Apologies![/sub]

#13

[high-pitched voice]Ouch![/high-pitched voice]

I love that duck. A true advertising gem. I love the way that no-one seems to notice him no matter how loud he is. The ad with the couple in bed experiencing duckus-interruptus, a classic. I actually had the AFLAC duck screensaver for a while, but took it off because the duck was just too mellow.

I’m proud of my duck-loving, but I guess I’ll have to start wearing a cup around mouthbreather tho’.

#14

I love that duck too, haven’t seen the roller coaster one yet. I can hardly wait.

#15

Must…allow…opinions…to be…expressed…

[sub]Repeat it to yourself.[/sub]

You can’t kill someone for liking a duck. That would be very, very wrong.
You can’t kill someone for liking a duck. That would be very, very wrong.
You can’t kill someone for liking a duck. That would be very, very wrong.
You can’t kill someone for liking a duck. That would be very, very wrong.
You can’t kill someone for liking a duck. That would be very, very wrong.
You can’t kill someone for liking a duck. That would be very, very wrong.
You can’t kill someone for liking a duck. That would be very, very wrong.
You can’t kill someone for liking a duck. That would be very, very wrong.
You can’t kill someone for liking a duck. That would be very, very wrong.
You can’t kill someone for liking a duck. That would be very, very wrong.
You can’t kill someone for liking a duck. That would be very, very wrong.
You can’t kill someone for liking a duck. That would be very, very wrong.
You can’t kill someone for liking a duck. That would be very, very wrong.
You can’t kill someone for liking a duck. That would be very, very wrong.
You can’t kill someone for liking a duck. That would be very, very wrong.
You can’t kill someone for liking a duck. That would be very, very wrong.

It’s not working. I’m off in search of pills.

#16

If there is any justice in the world (OK, and I know there isn’t), the AFLAK duck will be speeding along at 90 mph screaming about insurance and will smash right into Jamie Lee Curtis while she is babbling on her goddam cell phone, and both of them will be reduced to teeth and feathers.

#17

Thaaat’s the spririt! Now just say to yourself:

  • The duck is my friend.
  • I like the duck.
  • Joey and Chandler like ducks, so the AFLAC duck must be good.
  • It’s OK that there is a duck in the steam room with me staring at my dangly bits.
  • It’s OK that a duck crawls into bed with me and my partner just as things get interesting.
  • Hmmm. Maybe I do need supplemental insurance.
  • The duck is good. It’s just that damn Subway shadow that must be eradicated.

Come, come join the cult of the Duck. We offer an excellent health plan.

#18

You know why that duck has pissed me off? After the first time I saw the commercial, which was mildly amusing (note to self: must buy protective crotch gear now), I was by the riverside with my SO, we were feeding the ducks. I saw a white duck, turned to her and said, in all earnestness, “ASSCRACK!!!”. We both had a chuckle, then she called me a dork (I love it when she talks like that).

Fast forward to today: I now feel the urge, whenever I see a duck, to holler “ASSCRACK!!!” at the top of my lungs. It’s gone beyond dorky, verging on obsessive.

I believe it was Bugs Bunny, who, in a debate with Daffy, so eloquently uttered, “It’s duck season!!!” Boy-howdy was he right… where’s my gun?

#19

Can Jamie Lee collide head-on with the McDonald’s Chicken Man and his stupid van? He’s really irritating.

#20

I’m sorry duck, I canot buy your insurance because I was already talked into a policy by the Peanuts gang.