The radio station we listen to at my workplace has a two-hour talk show every morning. Nothing deep, just light entertaining stuff to help while away your workday. Know what Friday’s topic was?
Peeing.
I kid you not.
Why do women go to the bathroom in groups, how long does a woman stay in a public restroom before her boyfriend enquires after what’s taking her so long, where do men look when using a public urinal, what are acceptable topics of conversation when visiting the powder room with a friend, and on and on. People could call or email in with their opinions and experiences - and the phones were RINGING OFF THE HOOK!
We also learned such life-changing facts as that Madonna’s most peaceful moments are spent on the pot. Thank you, I cannot tell you how knowing that enriched my existence.
But the highlight of the program was the contest. The station invited two volunteers, a man and a woman, to call in. They were then instructed to drink as much as they could in the next half hour. When thirty minutes were up, they were to go into their respective bathrooms with their celphones. The station would call them, and they were to start peeing at the same time. AND WE’D GET TO LISTEN IN!!! The person who peed the longest won. I didnt hear what the prize was - a box of Depends? A year’s supply of toilet paper? Good taste?
We broke for lunch before the half hour was up, so I missed the climax of this gripping battle. The cultural void in my life can never be filled.
Okay, the first half hour was funny, but c’mon - are you seriously telling me the world is so mind-numbingly dull on a Friday morning that we can get TWO HOURS of fascinating mileage out of whizz-taking?
If anybody doubts that the Scandinavians are well and truly whacked, I offer this as proof positive.
I’ll never forget the day Mark and Brian (KLOS-FM, LA) decided to try out Depends. They put 'em on, then headed over to the local McD’s. The idea was, they would both try to pee while ordering their sodas. Made for a pretty funny a.m. commute, even if it was a bit twisted.
StoryTyler
“Not everybody does it, but everybody should.” I Spy Ty.
When I was in Brooklyn, I heard a radio show with two DJs, Opie and Anthony?, discuss at great lengths, with the most phony French-Canadian accent, the size of Celine Dion’s, uh, pudenda (pudendum?).
It seems that Ms. Dion was wearing some abnormally tight clothing during an awards show which brought out the dimensions of her, in Opie’s words–“camel toe”.
Swearing that I would not be amused at the lowest common denominator type of humor, I reached for the channel switch. Thirty minutes later, I was still laughing hysterically at Opie and Anthony. God, I feel real bad about that…