Somebody put me out of my misery

Someone, shoot me now. I just viewed three weeks of Family Circus because I wanted to be truly nauseated by their touching tribute to the WTC. Not only did I not find some sappy drivel that would’ve given bin Laden pause, but along the way I had to learn that Jeffy still doesn’t know how to use a banana, Jeffy got sent to school as soon as he stopped shitting himself, dad passes up no opportunity to remind them that grand theft auto is a felony, and Dolly is as clever as a hemorhoidal lesion. Oh, my foibles exposed!

Yep, this was an entirely different kind of agony than if I found a WTC tribute.

You, sir (or madam), are a moron.

Well… I can play a Britney Spears CD. That oughtta end your life real quick.