It happened once again. I was with a friend, and he used the N-word (referring to himself). I am white, and he is black. If I had said it he would definitely let me know about his displeasure about my use (however innocent) of that word. But if this word is so blatantly offensive why can it be said by blacks and no one else? Eddie Murphy uses it for comic effect in practically every one of his movies, and God only knows how many times it’s been used in Rap and Hip-Hop songs.
I’ve been around many other ethnic groups, and I have never seen them use so-called ethnic slurs in reference to themselves (i.e. Spic, Kike, Wop).
So what is it about this word? I think he may use it as a badge of pride, or something, if that is the case (it makes him feel tough or something). In any event, I find it disingenuous to say it is so offensive that only blacks can use it, but no else can…
When I was younger, people who wanted to make fun of me called me “fat”. This always hurt me a lot, at that age (10-ish). Eventually, I began embracing that term (at least outwardly), and eventually, it stopped hurting so much.
Actually, my brother has been known to refer to my Grandfather as “One tough Wop”, which everyone in the family recognizes as being meant with affection. Likewise, I and my friends regularly call each other “chick” , which I would find rather offensive coming from a man.
I really don’t see anything wrong with an group co-opting the words that have been used to hurt them in the past, and in the process removing the sting.
You’re pulling from way too small of a sample. The black guys I’m friends with call themselves niggers occasionally, the asian guys call themselves yellow, or whatever other nationality specific slur there is, the mexicans call themselves ‘illegal’ and wetback and such, I’ve had jewish friends call themselves kike, etc.
If it doesn’t bother them, you have no right to be offended, either. Remember: the 1st amendment isn’t “The right to not be offended.”
The rule of thumb seems to be that if you’re a member of the community, you can use the slurs without retribution. If you’re not, though, you have no right.
I can see that in my own life. I use terms like fag and dyke, as do my gay friends, but I usually take exception when someone who’s not “one in the family” uses them, unless it’s obviously without harmful intent. (Obviously, there are qualifications. There always are.)
I think it’s some form of reclaiming the language.
Check those links, take the ugliness out of the discussion, and there may not be much left.
My new conclusions on this run as follows:
You need to judge intent.
Is your friend deliberately trying to exclude you and make you feel bad by using the word?
Quite the opposite might be true. He may feel comfortable enough with you to allow himself an indiscretion.
You will need to judge and act accordingly.
He may feel comfortable enough with you to allow himself to use the word in your presence, but not the other way around.
Most of the time that he hears that word from a caucasion it implies extreme offense. He may have a tough time reconciling that with a good friend saying it who also has white skin, and it may make him very uncormfortable.
It is even likely that he hadn’t reasoned it out. It’s just how he feels. As a friend you will have to respect it.
I think it’s a legitimately offensive word to everybody, and you may be justified in politely asking him not to use it in your presence. Before you do so, it is always a good idea to analyze your own motivations on this, and decide if it’s worth it.
When I taught English, I used an essay by Gloria Naylor to illustrate the point that words often have very different definitions depending on who uses them and the context in which they are used.
I can’t find the text of the essay (of course), but in it she discusses the many different meanings the word “nigger” has had in her life. She talks about how, when she was a little girl, “nigger” meant wildly different things at different times.
Interesting and appropos to your original point, Origato. Can anyone help me find it?
I agree I think you can use the slurs where your comfortable in that community, but a stranger can’t. My friends and myself are always calling each other names, but we always know it’s in good humor. Just don’t let somebody we don’t know call us anything.
It is a way of reclaiming the language…And I think certain slang words can only be used by a person of that group/community…And it would be offensive coming from someone outside of the group…
Why do you continue to hang out with someone whose language offends you? Seriously. Have you ever asked this friend to quit saying “nigger”? Why not? Do you think that he would make fun of you for asking or that he would drop you as a friend? Then why do you think that he’s worth having as a friend? Would he point out to you that you use language just as offensive as he does (although different words in your case)? If you’re using offensive language too, then you can hardly ask him to stop doing so.
What’s the point in asking us why he talks that way? Ask him why he talks that way. Are you so desperate for friends that you continue to hang out with someone whose language embarrasses you? You can choose your friends. If this was a relative, you would have a problem, since you can’t quit being related to someone. But you can choose to quit hanging out with someone.
I’ve been called a white boy. I’ve been called a mick. And I don’t complain because these things are true. I am in fact a mick white boy. So no problem. Even if same came from someone outside my “tribe.” Since, as I said, all are true.
I’ve also been called a nigger, a “g,” and a brotha. I’m not any of these things, but being called such didn’t bother me because I realized they were FIGURES OF FUCKING SPEECH, FOR CHRISSAKES.
Speaking of figures of speech, how about these gems pulled from my older friends’ memories as real phrases in their day:
-Riding nigger: Sitting in the back of a vehicle alone.
-Nigger toes: Brazil nuts.
-Nigger-rigged: Put together cheaply, as in jury-rigged.
-Nigger lip: To ‘nigger lip’ something is to bogart it.
Oh, and:
Pickaninny: A nigger.
Spearchucker: A nigger.
Aunt Jemima: See above.
Uncle Tom: Ditto.
Language was much less regulated then. A lot less fear.